The Familiar Fairytale ‘Waitrose Onion Boy’ is only BLOODY True! :)


How bloody confusing life is!!!

My latest thought track has led me to the conclusion that sometimes I am a deluded moron 🙂

I decided two years ago to happily stay in the single box til death, for a million well thought out reasons, all of which kinda still stand as very good reasons!!. A particularly problematic reason for trying to live in ANY couple box was this little phenomena I experienced…. somewhere along the line I unintentionally developed ‘emotional bulimia’, so any feelings for anyone were thrown back outa the food pipe in about 6 weeks; not so ideal for the old love equation ay? And although I’m kind, I’m also a high maintenance, strange, awkward, stubborn wench 🙂 and 30 years of pissing people off was getting a tad tiring all round!

PLUS the peace and freedom of singledom has always matched my insides a little too well, so even before the ‘bulimia’, I was never great or over keen on entering into 2’s, unless serious ‘worthance’ seemed to be looming. Soooooooo you can probably see my logic in this decision right?

But the old Universe it seems, decided to show me just how wrong you can be about what is possible!!

Via the delivery of an Isle 3 Waitrose Onion 🙂

FIRST Dawny moronic wrong – If someone had explained the details of this onion to me, I would have responded with something like ‘That onion clearly came from a fairy tale, cos no-one is that bloody marvellous’…and I would have believed me 🙂

SECOND wrong – I found THEEEEE very onion in my lounge one day, and this blew my Cinderella theory above, right outa the water!!

FACT amongst the multiple wrongs – For 2 happy great years, I felt more and more convinced that my path and route to continuous ‘forever happy’ was indeed via the single box. Being utterly unanswerable to anyone, flirting muchly, and running round Europe alone made the box more and more addictive.

THIRD wrong – In these 2 years, If someone had asked me to list ‘My Perfect Person’ (Imagining I was looking for anyone then), I would have written down a load of utter tripe, whilst truly believing I was listing my ‘perfect person’ …Stoooooooooooopid Dawny!:)

FOURTH wrong – I seriously underestimated the power of compatibility, for making ‘problems’ vanish with ease!!! :). And much to my surprise, it seems a compromise or chore of unhappiness for one person, can be an immense pleasure for another….It just depends who you ask!!

FIFTH wrong – I thought it was only possible to fix internal problems of self, with self..

SIXTH wrong – I didn’t know two people could JUST ADD more yumminess to each others lives, WITHOUT removing ANY PRE-OWNED yumminess !

FIRST RIGHT!!!!– AT LAST :)….I luckily had my eyes open for long enough to see that Isle 3 onion when he entered my lounge; on top of this I had background info on the quality of this particular ‘Waitrose Boy’… AND I got to secretly peel him without pressure :). So when I realised the quality level of my yummy little piece of veg, I couldn’t help but jump outa my box like a rocket….as for some reason, he wants me in his box for two 🙂

Why ELSE I’m a moron??

Because I never believed such perfection could exist in any onion boy or girl….EVER, ANYWHERE

Because all the years I spent considering this ‘being a 2’ malarkey (pre single box), I was looking for things I thought I wanted, and I’ve ONLY JUST found that I don’t want them things!! 32 bleeding years of Stooooooooooopid Dawny again! 🙂

Why I’m NOT a moron…

Cos I listened to some bloody good advice from dear old Karen, and jumped off the board. When I landed I found a ‘Cinderella Styleeee Onion’. I knew I had to have a serious word with my ‘food pipe’ for this little gem..

Why I’m UNBELIEVABLY lucky…The most perfect person I’ve ever met thinks I rock, and without him trying, or me asking, he is fixing bits of me at a rate of knots, things I didn’t even know needed fixing. Not to mention the multiple fixing he’s done on the parts that needed repair. So I fully intend to CHOP my ‘food-pipe’ out, if it interferes with soaking up this onion.

Sainsbury’s chocolate éclairs are perfection, and I still eat them, even though I know they could halt production at any point. Not eating the perfect little buggers whilst available, just in case they disappear is just masochistic right??

So how long he is my onion for, I can’t let matter, and it just doesn’t matter, because when life offers you perfection on a plate, I think you’re just supposed to keep eating for as long as possible……

I do believe this last paragraph of insight, semi relieves me from my multiple moron status 🙂

Betty Shine….you and your universe mates are bloody good to me, the gifts just keep on coming…THANKYOU muchly for my ‘Waitrose Onion’…

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