Dear Dad, I didn’t mean ‘Them’ words, I meant ‘Them’ ones…


Dear Dad, How the bloody hell are ya? I hope all is well in your world, and that you’re loving your new plush quarters :). Send my love to Sange too…

I’m writing you this letter as last year I asked you to listen to a song called – ‘He Wasn’t There’ by ‘Lily Allen’. I asked you to listen to it, as when I heard it, I thought (give or take a few lines) it was kinda made for us. The first time I heard it, I was in my car…I was pretty overwhelmed with emotion and I managed to finally pull into my car park space after approx 25/30 re-listens. You might recall that when I asked you to ‘youtube it’… I said,

‘There are some harsh lines in there, and only some true. But I want you to listen to it because of the many lovely lines. The chorus is dedicated to you, but the most important thing is that you really hear the ‘good words’ in the last verse, as they are so true of you’.

Sadly, this ‘good words’ message got waylaid, and you thought I meant some different words. It has periodically bugged me ever since I found this out…Because it’s really important to me Dad, that you understand the magnitude of the things you gave me, summed up in the line you missed. The ‘not keeping in touch’ ‘bad words’ section of verse 3 was not the relevant message at all.

So are the words of the song, except now I’ve changed a few, to make it ‘our true story’. (The brackets are the original words of Lily. I.e… the words for her and her Dad. My lines are my re-jigged version for ‘us’). Following this is an explanation of why ‘that’ line in verse 3 is sooooooo important. I hope once you’ve read this you’ll a) see why I felt the need to re-clarify this verse 3 malarkey, b) I hope you’ll see why it’s sooooooo important for ‘us’ AND you…and c) why I couldn’t tell you this without my friend the pen 🙂

Verse 1…

He wasn’t there when I needed him, He wasn’t ALWAYS around (Lily…No he was NEVER around),

His reputation it preceded him, And he was out on the town,

I know he worried if he let us down (Lily…It didn’t matter if he let me down)

I didn’t care about the lies,

All I KNEW is that he loved us very much, (Lily…All I knew is that he loved me very much)

He was my hero in disguise,


I’m so pleased I never gave up on him,

You wouldn’t believe some of the things he DIDN’T do (Lily…You wouldn’t believe some of the things that he DID)

Now everyone said, ‘GIVE UP, It’s time’, (Lily…Now everyone said, you have to GIVE him some time)

Well I’m glad that I gave him MORE TIME cos now everything’s fine, (Lily…Well I’m glad that I gave it to him cos now everything’s fine)

Verse 2

Now you see I never thought you’d be a constant person in my life,

I was right about this fact, due both to you and your housewife (Lily…And I don’t think that you’d have been, if you’d have stayed with your ex wife)

I KNOW you worry but there is NO NEED, NO need to apologise,

Because I KNOW you’ll always love me very much

You ARE my hero in disguise

Verse 3

You might have thought you didn’t teach me much, but you taught me RIGHT from WRONG,

And it was when you didn’t keep in touch, well you taught me to be strong,

And just in case you EVER thought I would, I wouldn’t change you for the world,

Because I know you’ll always love us very much, and I’ll always be your little girl. (Lily…because I know you’ll always love me very much I’ll always be your little girl)

So this is my actual version for us Dad, me and you…and also in parts…’us 3’ and you. Lily’s lines are there to show you that some of the words are just her story, not ours)

Now for the line you missed the significance of…

‘You might have thought you didn’t teach me much, but you taught me right from wrong’

Now mum did a fine, fine, amazing job of teaching us about the rights and wrongs in life, we were blessed with two kind, kind-hearted parents; but whilst Mum taught me the valuable lesson of loving and caring the right way, and what not to do to people; you taught me about right and wrong in a profound way. You taught me about racism and about the Indian Doctors saving lives, you taught me about animal testing, you taught me about Amnesty International, you taught me about Procter and Gamble, exploitation, you taught me about the soul, the soul!!! You taught me about the suffering and corruption in the world (arguably the epitome of wrong!), you taught me about giving to charities, BUT mostly, you taught me that… what is right is not to judge. Dad, you opened my mind by sharing yours with me. You and Mum BOTH taught me every single right and wrong that I think ideally, we should all start out knowing, yet few are ever-blessed to hear. So, without you, my sense of right and wrong would be firmly in place, but no-where near as evolved or wide-reaching. I know we have gaps in our relationship (but what relationship doesn’t?). But In spite of our distance, for these above reasons and a million more, I mean it when I say you ARE my HERO in disguise. I will never give up on you and I want you to know there is never a need to apologise, I definitely wouldn’t change you for the world. The gift you gave with these lessons alone is too great to be associated with any kind of a ‘sorry’. I thank and love you from the bottom of my heart Dad. I don’t understand everything you do, but your humanitarian, non insular sense of right and wrong, far exceeds that of most, and it comes from your very soul. I am part of your soul, so how lucky does that make me?

I love you Dad…my Hero…Thank-you for this gift and its direction. Thank-you for being my Dad! 🙂

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