‘THE TINY LIE TRAIN’
Me and my onion were having a game of ‘Rummy’a few weeks ago, and during this innocent game of cards, I learnt a few semi-disturbing things about myself ;/, via his ‘oh so observant eye’!
1. When I talk I apparently ‘boing around’ quite a lot, and this ‘boinging’ evidently extends to my hands
2. I talk a lot when I’m playing cards
3. My ever moving hands inadvertently flick the wrong side of my ‘cards’ outwards, for a 360 degree full room viewing, every 15 seconds or so!
So anyway, game 3 rolls around, and as far as I’m aware, all is well in the ‘card camp’, and as he placed a 3 of diamonds on the tray, he said…
‘You need that card don’t you’ (which of course I did, as had been proven to him, every 15 seconds)
And I simply replied
This led to mass chuckles from his end and mass confusion from mine 😉
Then after he explained the above ‘Dawny facts’ to me, I chuckled too, whilst pondering for a while, over how I have managed to win soooo many games of Poker. And THEN he divulged the main and extra disturbing (for me) reason for his hysteria…
‘My Liar Face’ !
Yes, when enquiring exactly what it was about my face that gave it away…a flash of the eyes? A glance at the ground? A quick twitch of my lip?…NO…apparently I discovered I have a ‘whole new face’!
With this new news in mind, my life flashed before me and I cringed for a full 3 minutes!!! Every lie I have ever told whizzed through my consciousness.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve always known I am a shite liar, so it is not something I indulge in unless I’ve exhausted all other options. I am indeed known for my sometimes stupid and brutal honesty. As a pooey liar, I am left with no other option than to tell the truth ;)…but I wondered about all the ‘pre thought out white lies’ I told in my youth. All of which I thought I’d executed so swimmingly…like the every weekend ‘tall tale’ of what film I was going to watch, when I was really off out clubbing! Did my Mum see my ‘whole new face’ every weekend too ;// !
‘MY GIANT LIE TRAIN’
OK so a few years ago I made a ‘foooook up’ of gargantuan extents. I did something sooooo stupid it beggars belief, I look back and wonder if I was indeed even there. The consequences of this colossal mistake, if proven without doubt, would have been life altering for me in too many ways. For the rest of my life! YES it was the most stoooooopid/ idiotic/ irresponsible/ insane/ impulsive/ mahoosively DUMB thing I have done as yet. So I knew I had to lie!!! It was lie or die if you get me…
The next 3 days where the worst of my life, I had to lie my ass off all day…On the spot with a ‘whole new face’…‘a squirrel did it’…stylee lies. Yes…ALL the live long day!
And just when I thought the hell was over, I realised it had just begun, cos evidently when you tell 40 lies over 3 days, you have to tell 6790 lies over the next 3 weeks/months/years to justify/keep up with the original 40! Every damn conversation I had for WEEKS on end, begun with me either lying AGAIN, crying AGAIN or chanting ‘Swear you won’t tell anyone, who do you know?, who do they know?, have you already told anyone??? (before I had even finished the story I was asking that last question ;)) In summary OH MY FOOOOKING LORD for that episode of my life!!! And still to this day I occasionally have to tell a fib, due to the 3 day set of lies …of 7 years ago!
I re-iterate…How do they (born liars) not literally melt down from the stress ??
I’m not talking about little white lies here, although there not exactly my forte either ;), but AGAIN…how in gods name do they do it ;). People who tell giant lies, as part of their everyday conversations, through choice! I have no insight into these minds but…
I have to admit, aside from the moral status of these little fibbers! I take my hat off to their levels of genius, memory and mostly, just their general composure!
And finally, and unpreviously mentioned…How How How do they do it people??? ;//!!