“Revenge is a reflex action”, this is why we’re ‘screwed’ til further notice!!

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Knife fight

Image by muir.ceardach via Flickr

Fate takes us on paths in order to teach us lessons, we move forwards on these paths and lanes when and if we grow, and we move sideways if we make changes that ‘shrink’ us.

Nothing shifts you sideways quite like the path we ALL walk on in order to understand the relationship between hurt, wrongs, pain and revenge.

Some label this path life’s toughest. Nothing proves more testing to the psyche than constantly marching in the wrong direction inspite of your best efforts to aim the self. The old you is dying but immortal, so you are duty bound to lug her/him around with you…just you and your poisonous, small minded bigoted twin, chucked over your newly formed unchipped (but smothered) shoulder. Moving nowhere but sideways, and slowly to boot…

“Revenge is a reflex action”…(moi, 2011)

After much observation of fellow ants, our problem seems to stem from an inbuilt intrinsic tendency to react to hurts/wrongs, by punishing the ‘inflictor’ in some way…

As children, we don’t do this with much sophistication, but pop into any nursery and you will find 80% of the class ‘smashing the crap out of each other’ over ‘Nathaniel’s red piece of Lego’ or ‘little Janine’s spangly new bead set’

If you need more evidence…When I was just 5 years old, my sister thought she would punish me by telling me what presents I had for my birthday (there-by destroying 1 of my mere 2 annual (and much adored) surprises. I begged her not to tell me, but my words fell on death ears. She simply smiled at my distressed whiny ass, and smugly announced ‘You’ve got Hungry Hippo’s and Kerplunk’. Obviously I must of been seriously miffed by this, as according to old old family folklore, in true barbarian style I CALMLY glided downstairs, located the biggest bread knife we owned. And grasping my weapon, I apparently climbed back up the stairs with more composure than your average psychopath on a serial rampage of murder… and I plunged the blade into my sister’s arm!

Shocking behaviour!

So we begin life with this 2 fold reaction

1) We decide we’ve been wronged when we feel pain from the actions of others
2) We react by attacking the person who has seemingly wronged us, and most of us naturally attack using our little clenched rage filled barely formed fists…

Then we keep getting told off for being violent, it is simply not acceptable to be outwardly angry or violent in the ‘British Book of Social Ethics’

So we do our first bit of side stepping around this issue, and most of us replace violence for something more palatable to the adult world. We move over (but not forward) onto verbal assault or covert revenge. “Commence adulthood normally paleeeease”…with verbal destruction, manipulation and/or emotional blackmail. Toying with someone’s heart, manipulating their mind, becomes the acceptable adult way to ‘retaliate to wrongs’.

Having been on the receiving end of many good physical jabs in the moosh; as well as countless verbal assaults; and plenty of covert blows to my emotional weak spots… My humble opinion is this…The blows to the body were the least damaging by miles…every single time!

Sadly, many human-ites fail to break away from this primal, deep-rooted, ugly urge to ‘throw something…anything painful…right back’,

Other ants are lucky enough to be shoved further along this path, IF fate chooses to place them in ear-shot of the following truth…

‘When we feel wronged; when we decide others are unjust; when we KNOW someone has been cruel or unfair to us, this DOES NOT prove we have actually BEEN wronged AT ALL!!!

What!!!??????

This knowledge opens the door to the elusive concept of perception. We actually all go around interpreting our own version of life. Therefore reality and facts make up a tiny part of any big picture. No two people will ever give the same description of an identical object. No two witness statements describing a definable event have ever been the same… Not for any crime on record, nor for any accident or act ever witnessed…EVER EVER!!

Because we all see different things. We all hear things differently. We assign different meanings to peoples statements, we all have different ideas about what’s rude, what’s normal, what’s right and what’s wrong. Sure-fire ‘wrongs’ become ‘maybes’, ‘not necessarily’, ‘oooops I think I mis-read that one’, ‘did I over-react’? and some wrongs even turn out to be ‘completely right’

This slap sideways into perception actually sends us backwards on the revenge path, at least ten steps at first. Loss hurts, and to understand perception you must first lose all your warped logic, your stash of fake facts, and just to be sure, you must also lose/shift ALL of your previous boundaries/expectations/judgements…of everyone and everything!!

The perception door then closes, turfing our newly ignorant ass somewhere along the lanes of self doubt, confusion, guilt or suppression.

Off fate sends you into these dark and twisty streets of Negative-Ville, lost, ignorant, and with new eyes, viewing a whole new world.

Then the gold nugget reveals itself!!!

With this new and spangly insight into perception in our tool box, we learn quickly that well over half of  ‘all hurts’ are derived SOLELY from our own expectations and presumptions. NOT from any real tangible actual occurrence.

Perception is our only tool capable of fighting the primal urge to retaliate, to hurt, to seek revenge, to place blame, to attack the hurter right back… quicker than ‘flowing greased weasel shit’…

I am lucky, fate sent my lobes to the statement of enlightenment. On the surface, I’m only marginally evolved in terms of my behaviour when i’m hurt. It looks from the outside as though I’ve just side stepped AGAIN by simply replacing tantrums with sulking…just another way of poisoning someone covertly.

I haven’t…

I started with a knife,
And followed with my limbs,
When that was banned, I vipered up my tongue and unleashed that instead,
Soon after I became well versed in the art of emotional war. I was marvellous at being patient and calculated. I waited happily in the wings, relishing, spurred on by the anticipation, the rush of resolve I felt immediately AFTER I’d inflicted a suitable amount of pain and re-balanced the scales
Then I learnt I knew NOTHING, and percieved everything
Then I melted down in the knowledge that there is actually NO right or wrong!!!
And when I finally dragged my weary ass back up from all that drama; I finally went FORWARDS (yaaayyyyy) on the side steppy lane where hurt, wrong, pain and revenge reside.

As a ‘Tantrum Thrower’

I damaged far too many people with my fists and feet,
I scarred kind hearts and warm souls with my venomous words,
I destroyed relationship after relationship in my quest to keep the tables even, to assert my rights, to re-gain control, to take the moral high ground, to enact some revenge…
On top of all this destruction and pain that I caused others during my tantrums, I was destroying myself too. I was so bogged down in my status as a near daily victim of ‘wrong-doings’, the pity and bitterness were beginning to choke the good right out of me.

As a ‘Hardcore Sulker’

Day 1 now passes in silence cos i’m utterly engaged; feeling the anger and hurt from the sheer injustice of the event; analysing what actually happened; validating and invalidating my feelings in order; scrabbling around for the bigger picture. All the while suppressing the urge to get the bloody bread knife out…

Day 2 is spent silencing my vile tongue, coupled with more eye squinting as I strain away for another day, trying to see that bigger picture

On day 3 I still can’t speak, because I’m too busy relentlessly swallowing the bile that rises up my pipes, whenever I feel out of control

Well by Day 4, I’m exhausted… It’s heavy work, putting ‘irrational fear’ back in her box all the live long day. Old Fear that arises from ‘not getting my own back’,

And by the time I’ve walked all this information all the way around my own gargantuan system of perception, awareness and balance… day 5 comes around and 8 times out of 10, there is no pain left. I never knew that being wrong 8 out of 10 ten times could be so bloody satisfying and cathartic…

Being hurt all the time is exhausting, and if you find yourself hurt more often than you are happy, then I fear you may need to travel down the perception path that I so desperately needed to stumble upon.

I sulk as a means of replacing the poison…

I sulk as a means of sifting through the pain, until I find my feelings, my understanding, a little empathy, a drop of rationalisation, acceptance, the hidden balance, wisdom, I even access old poxy maturity if it’s essential. I’ve now grown enough to also squeeze out just enough generosity and self-worth to SEE the differences…and THEN I find forgiveness WITHOUT any urge for revenge!!! 😉

The angry tantrum throwing violent little beast in me, still stands firmly by my side every time someone ruffles my feathers

But the other girl who has joined my insides over the years, the sulky child who outwardly, is about as evolved as her tantrum throwing side-kick. Well inwardly, she happens to be a ‘Social Ninja’. She taught me to sulk my sensitive ass all the way from self imprisonment to freedom every single time I hurt. A soul fixing freedom found, without a hint of retaliation in my heart, my mind or in reality…

Bless Fate and her meandering paths of insight

And Thank-you Betty for leading my ears to the phrase I desperately needed to hear.

Another point scored for Nurture over Nature…

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About Littlebeut333

'Random Spillages from a Reportedly Strange mind’… Hello all :) I’m Dawny, the littlest of the Beuts..and my brain spillage content varies from the profoundly philosophical, to utter bilge ://…Life is my inspiration. I write about friends, love, the soul, society, shrinks, people, labels, home, mothers, perfect moments, dirty politicians, music, pain, beauty, women, religion, god, mental health, the demise of humanity!!! etc…hence the ‘random’. All spilled through the eye of my ‘ever musing, slightly philosophical mind’. Although I write mostly for enjoyment, and to empty my oh so busy head; sharing my snippets appeals to me, and I also love reading the thought trails of others. I would be most chuffed if anyone comes across my page and has a browse (and if you do, thanks in advance). I guess the biggest compliment would be if, for you, my rambles are either :- slightly different from the norm, enjoyable, amusing, unenjoyable, and/or thought/emotion provoking. Whatever them thoughts or emotions might be…The good, the bad, the ugly..and everything in between!! ;)… I accidently fell in love with writing a while ago, and from that time, my inspiration has come solely from lifes varied encounters, feelings, knowledge, memories and thoughts. Welcome to my archives, to some sections of my mind :0 Dawny

8 responses

  1. Pingback: Random Spillages from a Reportedly Strange Mind :)

  2. Yeah, Karma fixes us all. The problem with Karma is, most of the times it fixes some real evils in next or next to next life and that sucks. Well, who knows! But it is said by someone, ‘I am god, I am the creator of my own and I am Karma.’ Hard to understand, I know. Anyways, cheers for life!

  3. Oh ace, I sooo feel your words re – trust and boiling into a fury of anger, and i’m sorry you got burned :(. I also have just had the wool ‘royally pulled over my eyes’ and my trust is a bit blown too. You are so spot on when you speak of truth and whats fair, which is strange because I was just mulling over the truth and justice of my current situation. Spooky! 😉 We are the winners if we are at peace and when our hearts have been broken, and we’ve not been unjust, there is more peace to be found for us in that too!! (yay) always a silver lining, even in the pooiest of clouds! Squit the little buggers of the world I say…:) Karma fixes us all in the end…Thanks again Ace and good on ya for findjng peace, Dawny

  4. Yeah, I am coming from that damn tricky old path. If I tell you what someone did to my trust (which I’ll not), you will boil into fury of anger. I burned myself into that anger of revenge and to taste the following victory, to see her suffer too. But I didn’t. I am convinced, revenge is not what I seek, but justice. It’s not about what I want anymore, but what’s fair. Truth should prevail. And yeah, I no longer own the misplaced sense of self-righteousness. Well, that’s why I wrote about Batman and Joker in my latest post. And believe me, even without revenge, I am at peace. 🙂

  5. Dear Anon, how did I not reply to your spangly comment! Sorry booot that. I’m so glad you enjoyed this post and I think your insight into knowing exactly what you need to do means your 4/5ths along the little bugger. Your comments suggest your are a wise soul so I reckon your closer to dropping that bread knife than you think. Thanks so much for your kind words on my writing

  6. Hey the ace of knaves…thankyou so much for your compliments on my writing, they’re much appreciated. I loved reading about the thoughts you had whilst you read it. Marvellous 🙂 and I was tickled at your comment about your own self righteousness 😉 I totllay know where you are coming from; its a damn tricky old path! Thankyou so much for leaving your thoughts. Dawny 🙂

  7. it’s wonderfully written. But I failed to understand a large chunk of this writing, mostly because I was telling myself my own version of ego, revenge and a sense of my own self righteousness.

    Keep up writing. and thanks for this post

  8. This is bloody excellent. I laughed and was also very impressed with your insight and growth….what an odd life we lead. I’m sure there is a reason for all the angst we endure only to die a painful death :/ anyhow I totally feel your words and am currently fighting the bread knife urges and the poisoned tongue urges. I know I have to wander into the realm of forgiveness with no revenge but my ego is still a little to pronounced. Thank you for a wonderful read 🙂