I’m in shock! (and moaning again, which I can only apologise for as it’s becoming a tad incessant on this ere page, but i’m not feeling ever so cheery of late, what with life currently being a complete mo-fo. I blame bloody saturn but that’s a whole nother story!!)
The story goes…I’ve managed to avoid a broken heart for 32 years, 32 sweet sweet years; and fuck me, how how how how how much does this shit hurt?????
The pain is just immense…
I can’t hear anything, I can’t see anything, I can barely feel my skin, I’ve lost my mind, the only way I can explain it is that I have become nothing but a giant failing heart, that has been stampeded by 40,354 buffalo, injected with heartburn and coated in bleach!
What is shocking me most is it’s relentless bloody unending ‘steady as a rock’ level of pain. There are no waves like before, I went under as soon as it happened and I’ve yet to come up for air.
I literally can’t breathe…
I want my baby and absolutely nothing else.
It’s weird because early on in our relationship I realised I spent all of my waking hours singing love songs, songs that I didn’t even know I knew the words to. Well the power of the bastard subliminal continues; because on my nephews lives the only damn song I can hear, (well when I say song I should say ‘melodic two words’) is the old classic chorus line ‘Love Stinks’ by Adam Sandler in Gm from the film ‘Wedding Singer’. The fact that it is from the WEDDING singer, is like being stung by a bee on my already acid riddled heart, because the stuff for our wedding sits in black bags at the end of the bed
Today ‘Love Indeed Stinks’
And the other line from the old genius herself (Annie Lennox) just popped in (poxy subliminals)…’Love love love is a dangerous drug, you have to receive it and you just can’t get enough of the stuff’. That is exactly what has got me in this mess, addiction is a mo-fo and we go back because if feels like nothing else on earth.
Even though love breaks you, I have discovered that true love gives you the impetus to do things that surpass your normal and exceedingly abnormal capabilities.
I am willing to do ANYTHING to fix us, and before now, I would have been half way to California all fuel’d up on my own indignation. I’ve been a dick. I am a dick when I’m hurt. And I run like the wind when i’m hurt, I have done consistently for 32 whole years. But I will stay and beg like a broken puppy if I have to…So as weak as love makes you, it also uncovers strength you never knew existed inside yourself…
Please do me a favour if you read this, and ask Betty (she’ll know you’re talking to her don’t worry) to tell my onion to hang on in there and love me still. Even though there are 3 of me at the mo and that makes for high maintenance and hard times…Thank-you in advance if you’re talking to Betty now 🙂
‘Love Stinks’… yep, Adam’s still going round and round! piss off out of my head now thankyou please Mr Sandler!