I still can’t believe you’re gone
As yet, it hasn’t got any easier; everyone tells you you’ll get better in time. Time apparently heals
So far though, over time, I think the sadness ebbs inwards, a little more each day
Every time I hear someone say they knew it was coming, or that it was no shock. I feel just as shocked as I did when the news was brand new. I listen to you every day and the uplifting effect you have, has become something indescribable with loss as company
Grief is normally selfish; we cannot cope with the hole that’s left. But with you, I am shattered when it crosses my mind that you will never be a mum. Shattered at the thought that you won’t get to share your divine talent until your vocal chords died of old age.
How your family and friends will ever even begin to step across the valley that formed in front of them, the moment you passed, I will never know. They are fighting the good fight in your name, but their eyes are just shot,
there is none of that sparkle or purpose when I see them speak now; just pain and grief that doesn’t subside with time. You really did think that you were no good, which was half of your charm I guess. You couldn’t see your own wonder or talent, blind to such astounding spirit from within. The purity of these tendencies in you, made you transparent and magnetic in equal measure.
I can’t believe you won’t carry on lighting up my heart and my feet, with new masterpieces galore.
I don’t know why it was your time to go; I can find no sense in it. I think in time you could have found a way to hold onto your pain for the sake of your talent, without being consumed by your own intensity.
I don’t even really have an explanation that justifies why I should be in such pain, we never met…
I think, you were just so special, too special not to have made some mini you’s. I have no doubt in my mind about the mother you would have been. Even when they tried to submerge you in the fakery of ‘that world’, you never wavered. You didn’t change and you never doubted your dreams of having a family
In one of your interviews, you said “I’m more like a five trick pony”. Such a damn waste…
Even in your ‘Frank’ days, you understood the damaging cost and empty insides of Fame, and it was never about that with you, how could it be with the spirit and mind you owned?
I think I have seen every video clip of you, watching you never gets remotely boring, and you never get any less enchanting.
You were an Icon!, and you know how few people make that kinda mark on the earth. But you even seemed to do that with a previously unseen level and shape of genius. A true one-off.
To say you were MORE unique than anyone I know of, would be a sensical oxymoron. A unarguable incorrect fact ;). Only you Amy, you controversial little Missy you!
When I heard you sing for the first time, I was bogged down with lunch tickets, burgers caught fire one by one under the decrepit grill in the tiny kitchen; in the back of that awful pub. You filled the room…and I was affected, stopped dead in my tracks, shocked in a way, feeling something new and indescribable.
What I can describe was the shot of instant irrational blind adoring love; immediately fixated…my soul was in on it. In that moment and every time since, when I hear your voice or see your face, I’m reminded of how seriously I am addicted to you.
This world was definitely too cruel for your soul. A soul so beautiful, so intense, so vulnerable, so wild, so driven, complex and rebellious. Sweet and naive, but with it came anger, passion, wisdom and wit, an individual with boundless strength, but no direction… And like us all, weak and foolish often, with an insatiable desire to swallow life at break neck speed, and just to love and be loved. A soul like that can’t feel the full weight of the sadness that exists in life for many years. The good die young because they don’t deserve to live in the dark that they can’t help but see.
I have so much more to say, but for now I will finish by telling you this… I miss you Amy, your departure from this world was a true tragedy. Without doubt, in my eyes, our generation are the most blessed to date; simply because we lived along side your rise and fall, some were even lucky enough to be in the same room with you. Even luckier, where those who knew you intimately…
You wiggled like no-one else on earth!
You were the brightest star I ever saw in human form…
You rocked my world, stole my heart, glued yourself to my soul, and you continue to burn my mind with memories new and old.
But still in this grief, you fix me. You will always be my medicine, and one of life’s magic wild angels. I’ll wish your death was last night’s bad dream, every morning. I also know I’ll never be affected by anyone in this way, ever. I’m not easily impressed to extremes, I don’t read magazines, I have no interest in fame or its occupants, I despise most modern music and before you, I had no idea how you could love someone you’d never met.
You gave me so much while you were here and in death, your legacy will live in the hearts of millions, because your soul lived in your every word.
Happy Valentines Miss Amy Winehouse,
The unlikely ‘Love of my Life’