Why use words, if you can ‘Ram Raid’ instead?


What is the world coming to?

Last night, I was having a little session with Amy and my stereo for about half an hour, I’ll grant you it wasn’t on the quietest volume; but it wasn’t excessively loud! AND I respect the 11pm rule of silence… even though I live at opposite ends of the time continuum to the rest of the world, and screaming children at 7am; and arguments about who is gonna do the milk trip, are just as destructive to my sleep patterns, as music is past 11pm, for the normal people

It was approximately 7pm when a mini earthquake struck my lounge!

Being as I’m psychotic at the moment, it wasn’t the best phenomena for me to ponder over…I seriously thought I had morphed into a whole new land of new insanity, when everything began shaking. NOTE – I turned the music down immediately to investigate the drama

I have a little cupboard directly behind my TV stand which houses my electricity and gas meters. The newish neighbours next door who are too rude to say hello, began smashing some kind of heavy weapon against their side of my cupboard. I’m not sure what their weapon was but the door on the cupboard was forcing its way into the room, and pushing my television off the stand inch by inch with every blow. The glass shelf under the TV fell down, DVDs flew in every direction…and THEN a fucking great lump of concrete FLEW outta the cupboard and landed on my GLASS TV stand!

All this happened in about four seconds

I thought to myself ‘the cat must be trapped in there, OR I’m being poltergeist’d to shit’

I crept towards the cupboard

My heart was banging

I was also thinking, ‘I swear I did not imagine this and… OH MY GOD how is the door swinging in and out like Billy O? Due to my mental state; no-ones gonna believe this bugger, and I know I’m seeing it right now!’

I looked for a cat, didn’t find one. Then I put the door back in place and it shot open again, 2 seconds later the earthquake resumed and this was causing the flap on the boiler to swing open and shut, hitting the door of the cupboard as it did so, causing more tooing and throwing… all on its own, again!

Jaysus people! I was proper bricking it by then, and I was weighing up calling someone who would believe me to say “Ahhhhhhh this is really scary”

And still the door was flying open and shut on its own. I kept peering into the hole, thinking there must be a trapped hedgehog in there, when I didn’t find a cat a minute before!

THEN; I see a ‘wooden dowel stick thing’ poking through the hole that was left by the concrete chunk falling out of my wall, 2 minutes before

Well; of all the ways to tell someone to turn their music down this has gotta be the rudest! To date!

I hollered some warnings through the wall, slammed the cupboard door shut like a proper passive aggressive person, and they did it again

So I stomped up their stairs to have a neighbourly word, and they were hiding in a complete black out. Seriously? Yes!

I came back indoors, I put my face as close to the hole as possible and screeched

“Right; you loons…I’m telling you now, if one more chunk of wall lands in my lounge or any sorta stick comes flying through my cupboard door again, I’m calling the police and I’ll be marching back up your stairs, and I won’t be leaving this time; until you spineless little fools open the door and apologise for making a peephole into my house”

I’m slightly worried that when I return home from work I’m going to find a hole in my wall, much like the one Andy Duffrane dug in Shawshank Redemption, and all my belongings would have disappeared through the hole…along with my gas and electricity meters.

The irony of it is – I have always turned my music down if anyone has ever complained/asked. All they had to do was knock on my door and say “Dawn, your music is a little bit loud, would you mind turning it down please”

I would have said “Sorry about the noise, I’ll turn it down…I don’t know how loud my music is in other people’s house unless they tell me, see you later, take care. Bye”

But; why use mere words? When you can use a telephone pole, and some good old-fashioned ‘ram raiding’ just as easily?

How bloody rude! 😉

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