Monthly Archives: September 2012

Memories – Leytonstone to Basildon swathed in Musical Bliss

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About 20 years ago, my brother had just passed his driving test and he purchased an ultra stylish Volvo estate 🙂 complete with beige plastic interior…

Nice Motor!

Note – It was the era where girls and boys spent hours making ‘smooch mixes’ on cassette…The slow dance at the end of a party was a cultural benchmark of the 80’s ‘new romantics’

We decided to go for a drive down to Basildon to see my Nan, and Leigh was obsessed with this particular song at the time. So; I had to wait for about an hour and a half before we could leave; whilst he recorded it (real-time)

Finally, he filled the entire A and B side of the tape and off we went

In spite of the fact that he was driving the most uncool car known to man (at age 18)…we were feeling pretty special 😉 Read the rest of this entry

Utterly Undeniably Enchanting Little Number

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I don’t know what this song does to me, or why, or how it does it…But I am truly madly deeply in love with it

Yep…5 minutes later and I still have no words that will do, to describe its wonder, except to say it is like magic medicine for my soul

I hope you enjoy…Happy Thursday

Some people wait a lifetime to prove their point…Science V Ghosts

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4,863 Ghosts were hanging out at number 36 Meldon Close

They had been waiting to hear the magic words for almost a year…

It was on a Tuesday when the moment finally came, and they all cheered as Mr Davis told his wife that he had booked a scientist and an exorcist – to investigate and bring an end to the many odd occurrences they had witnessed; events that he could no longer deny were happening, in every room of the house

The 2 experts were due to arrive the following Monday, at 2pm Read the rest of this entry

In my ‘Solitude’ – Comes the search for a different type of company

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I call these days my lonely days, but I spend them reading all about the lives of others

I call these days my moments of solitude, but I search for your words about solitude, to enrich the experience of feeling it, of having it

I call them my ‘old school’ days, but the day is not complete without a DVD running in the back round for company, and a keyboard for talking

I call them my alone time days, but if the cats are not curled up near to the computer screen, I try my best to round them up onto the bed with me

I call them my me days, but I spend them searching for other ‘you’s, to take a peek inside your hearts and minds

I call them my me days, but when I switch the phone off, I worry that someone will need me for something

I call them my me days, but I love to see those little orange stars…a sign that tells me someone has noticed me, sometimes ‘my words’ are just another way of saying… ‘me’ Read the rest of this entry

Slowly Does it…all you fellow ‘Crazies!’

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I have never understood how people manage to soak in the bath for a whole hour, without slamming their head on the taps (or something similar), to overcome the sheer unadulterated mind bending boredom of lying still like a corpse underwater!

My baths take approx 8 to 12 minutes, depending on whether or not my leg hair is at a ‘tongable length’, and needs removing

I’m always watching people who seem to be chilled and relaxed most of the time, in the hope I’ll spot a trick to steal, and become less highly strung by copying it. My Mum’s hubby is a prime example of this kinda person, and he’s a very busy guy.

The difference seems to be about speed

He moves at the pace of a slug, no matter what the job, he only knows how to poodle on down Read the rest of this entry

Short Number 34 – He moves in mysterious ways

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I woke up that morning and prayed for a stress free day  

On the way to work I tripped on a drain cover, and smashed my two front teeth to bits

“So much for faith” – I lisped

  30 years later, the dentist who ‘capped me to rescue’ was at my bedside, as our   4th child was born

(56 words)

Geezer Birds and Camp Alpha Males

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I’ve never really been a girly girl on a large-scale. Don’t get me wrong, I adore shoes, I love an excuse to put a spangly dress on, and I probably have more clothes and handbags than Vera Wang herself

I also have zero tolerance for anyone touching my hair in case they mess with the direction of my curls, and/or pushing my eye brow hair in the wrong direction!

BUT….

I have always been the token lad when I’m hanging out with the boys… a poker playing, mischievous, direct, semi alcoholic, adrenaline seeking, bossy sod! And I don’t exactly exude that age-old feminine trait – vulnerability.

Also; when I blow my nose I reckon it’s a good 50 decibels louder than your average chick. Read the rest of this entry

Short Number 33 – Coins and Loins

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“What’s the problem?”

“The problem?…

Desire! Fire! all standing on the edge of a Liar!”

“But it’s wrong”

“I know, and that’s why it’s so strong!”

“You don’t belong, It’s a one sided Con!”

“I know, that’s why it’s so Strong!”

“Been riding Right! Since I saw the Light!”

“But it’s too Bright! Too Bright to Fight!?”

“Tonight is the Night! Right!?”

“Out of Sight, I just Might!”

‘Beautiful & Tragic’ in equal measure…The Loss of Perfection

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My best friend called me the other night and told me to listen to this song by Ed Sheeran…

In true Dawny style I forgot, and then he came round at the weekend, reminded me, and we listened to a few of his songs together, and I have to say…’He rocks’

I found this one (small bump) particularly moving ‘first take’, but I didn’t listen to it properly until I was alone

It is a story of him awaiting the birth of his baby, and the 2nd take left me more than a little heart-broken…their baby didn’t make it. I decided not to post it, incase anyone reading had suffered a miscarriage…I didn’t want to be responsible for triggering such a tragic and difficult memory in another.

However, miscarriage is a sad but certain part of life, and I have known people who have fought the battle of losing such perfection; they have somehow managed to move on from the loss of their baby, but I’m sure they are still reminded often of their treasured ‘small bump’… as they try to carry on living as best they can.

This song is the most beautiful expression of the experience that I’ve heard, so I decided in the end, I would post it. I think it’s important not to shy away from writing about painful and taboo subjects; sometimes reading about others who have gone through the same harrowing experience as you, brings comfort, and a sense of belonging and understanding

It is an exceptional song with a painful yet beautiful message…

Small Bump

The Wind, The Trust, The ability to Thrust! ;)

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As the old saying goes…

“I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him”

I feel a couple of sub-questions should be addressed, before any action is taken…

a) Am I physically capable of picking up and throwing a fellow humanoid?

b) Is throwing somebody (across the road/over a wall) a realistic solution to any issues relating to trust?

If you come up with 2 ‘No’s’… the old saying becomes somewhat defunct!

So I say – Throw caution to the wind

‘Trust until your strong enough to Thrust (an adult sized human), into any sorta swaying breeze!”

Never say my advice is not golden! 🙂

The Outer Ripples of Judgements…Friends of Friends

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Humans lie for many reasons; one less mentioned and less obvious reason, is to protect our privacy

Up until recently, I always thought it better to tell your close friends the real reasons behind your decisions and actions, as real friends generally accept you no matter what, and having true friends in your life is a blessing not to be under-estimated

I can be a bit anal about this, as I’m over sensitive about lies (even though I am at times, a liar). I like people who tell you how it is, even when it isn’t rosy, because you know where you are with them.

But I also have friends who believe they are being a better friend by not being straight with me, if the issue is controversial, hurtful and/or potentially explosive, and I see this method as just as committed, compassionate and loving.

Another thoughtful way of dealing with a lack of understanding; both methods come from the desire to be a good friend. It’s a matter of preference, rather than better or worse ways

HOWEVER, if your reasons for doing something or not doing something are kinda abnormal to said friend(s), and especially if they cannot understand or relate to them, they can and do make judgements about you that are outright wrong and hurtful, and if the reasons become increasingly outlandish, the less people get you, and the more you are subjected to being labelled something you are not

Which kinda pisses all of us off! Read the rest of this entry

Top Ten Tips for Fighting Psychosis

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Mental Health Month Poster

Mental Health Month Poster

Recently I went through a truly hellish episode of psychosis that lasted 8 months (and in some ways 3 years). Delusions were forming and growing, on and off, for those years; but the 8 month period when it peaked was truly the most horrific, debilitating, life stealing, petrifying, confusing, lonely, hideous, exhausting, depressing, soul shattering suicidal experience of my life. I could write for 10 hours and be unable to offer even an outline of the description of my delusions…

As per usual, the mental health team were about as useful as a chocolate fire guard, I sincerely have no idea what these people do all day; but tending to the mental health of their patients seems to be an alien concept to them. 7 years on from my diagnosis and I still struggle to get any positive suggestion from them. Bloody morons! After several admissions to hospital I was forced to re-engage with them (I’ve discharged myself from their care (clears throat) umpteenth times, as they do fuck all except stress me out). So; I asked time and time again for some skills to deal with my reality, some practical advice, some help, some words of encouragement… something, anything, just one little tool. In the end, they decided a leaflet on volunteering and a referral to the therapy group I’ve already been to, would suffice. Again, bloody morons. The group is great for a drop of depression or intolerance, but neeeee way does it even touch upon the unique experience of a psychotic break… so I thought I would share my tips, on how I began to escape the 24 pit stop from hell… Read the rest of this entry

Faith Hope and Glory do Lunch

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Glory asked Faith what was up?

Faith said

“I’m so sick of being undermined, and it hurts that so many people think I’m fake”

Hope said to Faith

“Don’t let it get you down, things will get better soon”

Faith said to Glory

“Why are you so bloody cock sure about everything that’s great, why so positive?”

Glory said

“What do you expect? Life treats me very well, I’m celebrated and constantly in the lime light, and I guess it’s gone to my head” Read the rest of this entry

Religion Complicates the Simplicity of Love! (With Hell)

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Remove all the disagreements of individual religions – and your left with the existence of a ‘PURE Massivo incomprehensible dose of LOVE’

Love doesn’t categorise according to race, place, nature, sin, crime or evil. These things are subjective acts based on judgements that change with time; they all stand to the side of love

Love loves all our shapes, physical and mental

Love doesn’t have favorites

Love in its purest form is ‘Unconditional’. (FULL STOP)

Love doesn’t leave and then come back at a later date

Love has no choice about its boundaries

Love has no boundaries to choose from Read the rest of this entry

Love Gloved in Hope

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...Hope...

…Hope…

Your gone but not forgotten

Hope holds your face in my mind

Hope prevents your presence from fading, long past the day you faded from me

Hope loses itself in the ecstasy of the songs of hope

Hope imprisons my heart in your hopeless hands

Hope straps itself to my recovery and drags me under again

Then just when I am about to drown…

Hope saves my life and I float to the surface again Read the rest of this entry

Excuse Invalid…Coupon expired some time ago!

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Ok…I’m throwing out a bit of a generalisation here, and I mean not to offend, but I can’t help but think that some people are using their childhood baggage as an excuse to be an adult asshole, when the reasons they state for their dysfunction, no longer wash!

Survivor

I say this with a fair amount of my own ‘suitcases of crap’; that I and life have filled along my travels. I didn’t grow up in the London version of the ‘Waltons’ mountain top dream home/family, as I’m sure most people didn’t

They say ‘kids bounce back quickly’, and now I’m an adult I would have to say that this is only partly true. When we turn 18, or 21 or 30 or 60, we don’t have some magical erase button that wipes the slate clean…We are all grubby little slabs, affected by events of old days

However, bar the severely autistic, as adults we know at least some of the social rules that guide us through life. We know right from wrong, and most of us know what we are doing/being, when we behave like spoilt children Read the rest of this entry

The Final Chauvinistic Frontier! ;)

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Xed LeHead - Tattoo Artist

What is it about tattoo artists, that seems to make them all soooo bloody moody?

I have 3 tattoo’s and the ink from all 3 was injected by a miserable, awkward, temperamental, mildly spoilt and very un-smily bloke!

They don’t like it when you dare to question their design…God Forbid! (It’s only a commitment on the same time scale of marriage and the ‘snip’, except worse, as no reversal operation that actually works properly is available)…And even though each artist has had no problem telling me that my design was aesthetically shite, they all really did not like to be second guessed on theirs.

Such double standards 😉 Read the rest of this entry