Ok…I’m throwing out a bit of a generalisation here, and I mean not to offend, but I can’t help but think that some people are using their childhood baggage as an excuse to be an adult asshole, when the reasons they state for their dysfunction, no longer wash!
I say this with a fair amount of my own ‘suitcases of crap’; that I and life have filled along my travels. I didn’t grow up in the London version of the ‘Waltons’ mountain top dream home/family, as I’m sure most people didn’t
They say ‘kids bounce back quickly’, and now I’m an adult I would have to say that this is only partly true. When we turn 18, or 21 or 30 or 60, we don’t have some magical erase button that wipes the slate clean…We are all grubby little slabs, affected by events of old days
However, bar the severely autistic, as adults we know at least some of the social rules that guide us through life. We know right from wrong, and most of us know what we are doing/being, when we behave like spoilt children
But…there are many roads and methods available to us, that can help us to drop some kilos off of our baggage allowance
There are councillors, forums, experts, self-help books and many other sources of inspiration, that provide us with ways to heal, ways to change, ways to be happier and in turn, be less crappy to others
To some degree we are all victims and we are all survivors, but at some point I think we owe it to ourselves to examine our status, to take a look at our own personal crap, and to choose which way to go, or which side to lean on
Victims are stuck in the mud of misery and I’m not suggesting it is easy to climb out from that mud, or to prevent sinking into the quick sand. It’s far easier to repeat patterns than to break them
Survivors are people who take time to examine other survivors and to learn from them; they are the people who do their utmost to shed the load that bears heavy on the heart. Survivors are not born special, and I don’t think they are different to victims in any tangible way. I believe they escape much of their victim persona, simply because they want to be happy and they make choices that reflect that desire
Being happy is not something that comes when you wait around for it. It may briefly come along this way, but it’s appearance is short-lived and fleeting… and sadness soon comes along and pushes it aside
Misery loves company, and it is tough to keep pushing through the crap
But it is possible! Happiness and contentment can be achieved by making changes to our lifestyle, by noticing the small stuff, by counting our blessings, by trying new things, by addressing things slowly but surely, by not being scared to be wrong, or to take a different route, no matter how far along we are on one road or another. By committing to goals that are desired and well thought out, life gets sweeter
We are all a product of our environment, and I agree that this has a huge part to play in defining who we are, and from that, also how we feel and behave
BUT, it is possible to change bit by bit, no matter how bad things were, or how bad things still are. Adulthood comes with a million responsibilities and stresses, but it also gives us the greatest gift a human could own – and that is freedom; a blessing we should all count every day…
We all have the freedom to choose who and what to be… training the brain is fully obtainable, if you are brave enough to really dig down into your own faults – review them, and if they don’t serve you in obtaining the bigger picture that you want, start getting shot of them…begin to try to act and react in new ways.
When we hurt others, we are actually hurting ourselves too. When we seek revenge and hold onto grudges, we are poisoning ourself. Isn’t there enough to cope with in the present? Without dragging up the past too?
So many people believe that we are what we are, and that is that. But no-body is the same person from one decade to another, which kinda proves the point that we all DO change, even if we don’t intend to
So – If change is inevitable, what can we all lose by taking hold of the steering wheel of our own lives, and taking ourselves in the direction we want to go in, instead of being dragged left and right by the child within, who has bugger all sense of direction, and even less know how?
At some point we have to take responsibility for our own dysfunctional behaviour, our baggage may not be requested by us, but if we have it, then we own it. Can we really keep on blaming everyone else for the way we are…
Survivors are constantly seeking new experiences, new ways to be, and these people grow and overcome much more than you’d think possible, they don’t reject the events that victimized them, but they do acknowledge that these issues only break you for life, if you allow them to lay on you forever
As human volcano’s, prone to eruption, next time your lava bubbles up and you inadvertently scorch some poor bugger who was sat at the bottom of your hill, admiring you…Say sorry and make a note to warn the dwellers who love to sit within your reach, the next time you feel your lava rising. Give them some time to escape the boiling hot spillage that you can’t control, and when you’ve stopped spilling your damage related bile over everyone else, focus on the calm, cool collected you…focus on the dormant after effect, and stop harking back to the red-hot crap that sometimes leaks out of us all, all in our own unique ways
I speak from experience here, I have worked on my shit for years and I know I’ll continue to work on it for the rest of my days. Until I reach the point where I can control my own lava, erupt when I need to, ensure I’m visitor free when I do erupt ;)… and re-relish in the coolness of my ‘after lava self’…until I remember how to laugh again
My very first step on the way to ‘Happy-ville’, came from a snippet of fabulous advice from my brother – He is a wise wise man and a very level-headed person, (how he managed that I don’t know ;))…so; I shall ‘pay him forward’ …He said to me that the 1st step is to fill your life with laughter. With this sentence ringing in my ears, I went ‘wild in the aisles’ on Amazon and bought every DVD that ever made me laugh. I traded in the news for Happy Gilmore (I may now be rather ill-informed and insular when it comes to world events, but hey ho, the trade was worth it)
I hope at least one person reads this, and trusts me that my brother knows his shit
Gooooo on, log onto Amazon now and begin your personal journey on the road to happiness; if you get lost you’ll have to consult someone else for directions, I have zero spatial awareness and I still can’t see the point of a compass…who needs to know the name of the direction their lost in?
(No-one calls the AA and says I’m lost, I’ve broken down and I’m facing south west! ;))
Really there are only 2 directions here, up and down…Yazz knows the way, and I hear that she’s nearly as wise as my brother
All these centuries later, laughter is still the best medicine… and the more time you spend laughing, the less time you spend erupting! Simple! 🙂