Top Ten Tips for Fighting Psychosis

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Mental Health Month Poster

Mental Health Month Poster

Recently I went through a truly hellish episode of psychosis that lasted 8 months (and in some ways 3 years). Delusions were forming and growing, on and off, for those years; but the 8 month period when it peaked was truly the most horrific, debilitating, life stealing, petrifying, confusing, lonely, hideous, exhausting, depressing, soul shattering suicidal experience of my life. I could write for 10 hours and be unable to offer even an outline of the description of my delusions…

As per usual, the mental health team were about as useful as a chocolate fire guard, I sincerely have no idea what these people do all day; but tending to the mental health of their patients seems to be an alien concept to them. 7 years on from my diagnosis and I still struggle to get any positive suggestion from them. Bloody morons! After several admissions to hospital I was forced to re-engage with them (I’ve discharged myself from their care (clears throat) umpteenth times, as they do fuck all except stress me out). So; I asked time and time again for some skills to deal with my reality, some practical advice, some help, some words of encouragement… something, anything, just one little tool. In the end, they decided a leaflet on volunteering and a referral to the therapy group I’ve already been to, would suffice. Again, bloody morons. The group is great for a drop of depression or intolerance, but neeeee way does it even touch upon the unique experience of a psychotic break… so I thought I would share my tips, on how I began to escape the 24 pit stop from hell…

1. I believed (and still do believe) that some strange things were happening to me in actual reality, and these happenings were evil and of a ‘out to get me nature’. So the first thing I realised I needed to do was surrender to the tide. I was petrified, so I made a mental list of the very worst things that a human can endure, and I accepted they may be on route for me.

2. I purposefully thought about these things ’til I was blue in the face, and reduced the fear by realising that even if I ended up in prison for a pile of crimes I didn’t commit, I would still have a clear conscience, 4 walls, and a bed. And I figured my mum could bring me paper, and I could write to pass the time

3. I went onto a few forums to see if I could glean some tips, and although I was triggered by almost every entry, I found this gem of a sentence

‘If your story starts to have holes in it, take note. This is your thinking mind pulling the rug out from under your delusions’…

Though my story had no actual holes (cos every single word, sentence, song, movie, social gathering etc…fitted into the puzzle perfectly), I began to think about all the sentences that my friends and family uttered during this period, and I discovered that it was also possible they were nothing to do with my story

4. I accepted the possibility that everyone I knew ‘was in on it’ and then I explored MY reasons for having them in my life. I held onto the fact that I loved them, that I treasured my memories with them, and wanted them in my life still. So; I was comforted by my love for them, even though their love for me was questionable to say the least. I had found reason NOT to eject them all from my life

5. I went to bed! I took meds that sedated me for 18 hours a day and I stopped trying to manage. I accepted the very difficult to swallow truth…It was one of two things

a) My life was hell on a stick and the whole world hated me, always had and always would. They enjoyed torturing me and my thoughts were being broadcast to the entire population of, not only the globe, but the whole universe

b) I had finally gone completely bonkers, on an unimaginable level. I was officially, and fully insane

Both of these ideas were kinda heart breaking, but I allowed myself to stop trying to defend myself and my thoughts, I just let myself be broken and open, and I watched lots of sad DVD’s, and I thought about everything I had lost over the 3 years and in particular, the 8 months. I needed to cry and grieve, in order to do this, I needed to face up to the utter crap-ness of my situation

6. I decided to fight the voices. I was convinced that I had been hypnotised into developing multiple personalities, and certain phrases were indicative of a particular personality coming through, so when I uttered the trigger phrases (for example – Bloody Nora) I addressed each controlling voice accordingly…Sometimes I asked them nicely to leave me alone, the nasty and most frightening ones that possessed me, were aggressively asked to Fuck Off, and as this began to WORK!!!! I decided to re-morph the whole thing into a fairytale unfolding (as opposed to a nightmare) and I befriended the amusing voices

7. After a few days of this, I had all the voices down to one voice…for some reason they were all called Trevor! And every time I felt a broadcast coming on, I said ‘Whatever Trevor’… it seriously reduced the malicious connotations

8. During this period, I found God..Sounds rather dramatic, but I had several spiritual experiences that left me with no doubt about his existence, so I decided to begin a dialogue with God. And as I found him through the simplicity of the ‘Conversations with God’ trilogy, it wasn’t difficult to know what he might say back to me. The guy is made from love and love only, so when I said…’Morning God, How are you?’ The voice that came back was always OK, always funny, kind, loving, compassionate, forgiving and light-hearted

9. I stopped writing about it, I gave up on the perceived responsibilities that came with my multiple identities, I stopped writing about how I felt and what had happened, I stopped searching for patterns which was so hard but necessary, and I stopped listening to music – as every song related to some part of the storyline(ssssssssssss). Knowing and avoiding triggers was a huge help.

10. I allowed myself to fold up. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t eat and I was totally broken. I was a stinky, crazy, immobilized fruit bat; and I just stopped trying to be anything else. I cried and cried and watched all the films that make me cry, so I could cry a bit more. And somehow, all this worked and I am now once again, reasonably sane. As with most people who suffer psychosis, I still believe some of it was real; but all that means when you strip it down to bare blocks, is that my life is not totally rosy. I can deal with that, because for all the ‘not rosy stuff’ that I can count, I can count just as many rosy occurrences and blessings to counteract it!

For weeks now, I have been up and out of bed at 8am, I’ve been on walks, I’ve been to the supermarket nearly every day, I’ve stocked up on my fruit and veg intake, I’m back to laughing and loving with my friends and family and it feels great 🙂

Even when your perception of reality has morphed into something completely unrecognisable, you can still fight it. I thought I was gone forever, and without love, I think I would have been. Hang onto the love in your life would be my most important tip in all this. Love really does Heal…

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About Littlebeut333

'Random Spillages from a Reportedly Strange mind’… Hello all :) I’m Dawny, the littlest of the Beuts..and my brain spillage content varies from the profoundly philosophical, to utter bilge ://…Life is my inspiration. I write about friends, love, the soul, society, shrinks, people, labels, home, mothers, perfect moments, dirty politicians, music, pain, beauty, women, religion, god, mental health, the demise of humanity!!! etc…hence the ‘random’. All spilled through the eye of my ‘ever musing, slightly philosophical mind’. Although I write mostly for enjoyment, and to empty my oh so busy head; sharing my snippets appeals to me, and I also love reading the thought trails of others. I would be most chuffed if anyone comes across my page and has a browse (and if you do, thanks in advance). I guess the biggest compliment would be if, for you, my rambles are either :- slightly different from the norm, enjoyable, amusing, unenjoyable, and/or thought/emotion provoking. Whatever them thoughts or emotions might be…The good, the bad, the ugly..and everything in between!! ;)… I accidently fell in love with writing a while ago, and from that time, my inspiration has come solely from lifes varied encounters, feelings, knowledge, memories and thoughts. Welcome to my archives, to some sections of my mind :0 Dawny

13 responses »

  1. Both you and your Mum are in my thoughts. My heart goes out to you, it’s a terrible thing to go through. I hope my tips help teacup…Luv Dawny xxx

  2. Thank you for being so transparent! I’ve never gone through this in particular (though I am bipolar), but at this exact moment my mom has had a break, and it’s been terrible for my whole family. If she will, I may just have to have her read this.

  3. Oh Brad, it was heartbreaking reading your message. I feel for you so much and I hope you find some healing soon. I can relate to everything your saying as part of my psychosis mirrored this. It’s so complex getting better but I guess I had to decide to disbelieve everything from the conspiracy theories because believing it was destroying me. I felt the same about everyone being evil but then I rationally thought about all the lovely things people do for each other. I thought my friends and family were in on it which was hell, but then I looked at their actions and realised that purely evil people are more rare than paranoia would have us think. I am better now but I did have to go back on meds but the main work has to come from you. Chanting its just a song helped me seperate all my music from the scene so I could enjoy it again. I’d say be patient with yourself, it takes a long time to9 come out the other side but you will Brad, I’ve had 3 major episodes and I’m here to tell the tale. I soooo hope this helps, it may not be possible right now to fllow this advice but bear in mind it helped me come back to life, I would say that the party was not set up with you in mind, it may help to remind yourself that peope are self involved and these worries would involve people taking alot of time out to ‘get you’, in reality they are too busy thinking about their own shit, they have no time to persucute someone for kicks. Good luck Brad, thinking of you…Luv Dawny

  4. Hi there,
    How do I help myself get through?
    It started out when I realized how selfish and shady the world is.
    I always had trust issues and over thought everything, and three years ago, I ended my visits with the psychiatrists when I didn’t take him seriously when he told me I had psychosis after I told him that people hated how I was ugly with a cool car.
    It was all fun and games till three months ago.
    I rushed out of a party freaking out thinking that it was a set up to kill me and steal my car because they all looked like a bunch of thugs. and the next week was “testing my friends” and “running away” from almost every car and person. Next thing I know, I am completely isolated from the whole world. Quit college, quit my job, deleted Facebook, and got a different phone just to keep me busy. Now, I live every waking moment wondering around the house in fear thinking that every song or video has a message for the conspiracy of evil against good people like me, and that almost every car and person out there are out to get me. Plus the nightmares, and more. Yet, no voices, visions, or other personalities.
    Help! I am very frustrated and I don’t know how to know if that party actually was a set up and how to keep safe without fearing every “thug” or tatted person.
    Brad

  5. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart to the top and back again…You all contributed to make me who I am today and have always been deep down and mostly not so well hidden… I is strange, sweet, appauled by injustice and with different ideas to most about issues that affect all of us. Life’s issues…My (ish) words, overworried, so a bit stunted and un-natural sounding today!

  6. Hi Katelon,

    Ahhhh your comment was really touching 🙂 Thankyou for saying that and for checking out my blog…Have a great day…Luv Dawny xxx

  7. Hey there blacksun321, Thank you so much for your kind words, I totally agree with what you said about the failure of the experts to offer any help, but hey ho, hopefully they will evolve sooner rather than later :)…It’s really nice to meet (cyber-esque) another fan of Neale Donald Walsch, I’m glad to hear his book is making it’s way round the world, as it seems to come with ‘miracles guaranteed’…It sure saved my life! I truly hope you never have to suffer one of those awful situations again, and I hope you have managed to heal since, have a great day and thanks again…Love Dawny xxx

  8. I think you handled yourself amazingly in the situation. Often I’ve found that honest and probing introspection succeeds where the medical industry and mental health experts fail. And I’m also another big fan of Neale Donald Walsch, and his “God Voice”. They helped me out of a lot of similar situations.

  9. Thanks for your honest writing. It takes guts to expose yourself and share so much! Thanks also for checking out my blog!

  10. Hey bobdog, thanks so much for your sweet words. I am hanging in there and lots of good things are happening so you were right, I will be OK 🙂 I am :)…What other choice do we have except staying in Hell full time?…Take care and ta again…Luv Dawny Xxx

  11. That was a very inspiring post. I admire your will and hope everything remains good for you. Hang in there, you will be ok.

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