Anyone who knows me well will not hesitate to confirm that I am a die-hard hater of exercise
1. I hate sweating
2. Due to a damaged nervous system, I sweat profusely from one side of my body only (having 2 sweaty pits looks like you’ve worked hard…One sweaty pit and you look like a freak, added to this, is the right side of my back being soaked whilst the left stays dry. I’m proper self-conscious about it
3. I don’t dig physical exertion at all
4. When you hate something, the brain is not clever enough to know you (apparently) secretly love it (as experts will have you believe). When your conscious thoughts about it are wholly negative, I believe the apparent endorphin rush expected during or after exercise is an alien concept. Feel good chemicals need feel good vibes
5. I always have something better to do when exercise is offered as the only other alternative
6. I went swimming before work for 3 whole weeks once! It nearly killed me…I was ms mood from hell at the gym queue at 6am, too tired to speak to my swim mate. I got to work stinking of chlorine with soaking wet hair and proceeded to fall asleep at my desk
8. I was supposed to also be noticing how much more alert and awake I was! Well…what a load of old tripe! I literally fell asleep at my desk on more than 2 occasions. It left me shattered and hungry like a horse!!!
Anyways…fast forward about a decade and I’m a bit torn about nurturing the body. Due to a severe depression that lasted over a year but felt more like ten! I have been chair bound for a long time and I know enough about exercise to know that the only thing I could possibly tolerate is Yoga. I must admit the slowness appeals to the ‘butt rester’ in me
But not just any old yoga…Yoga for the lazy
I’m off on a quest to see if anyone has capitalised on us ‘chair dwelling folk’ who are happy to move arms and toes only in the pursuit of physical stamina. My smokers lungs heave away after a trip to the bathroom, which is next door! I am a complete and utter disgrace to those who are disciplined enough to drag their weary ass to the gym
If I was rich and had a swimming pool in the bathroom, my thighs would look a lot different to what they do now! I don’t wanna sweat and I don’t think my lack of coordination, nor my inability to control my limbs, stand me in good stead for recreating the strange shapes they bosh out at classes!!!
Carry on heaving after 8 steps
Give in and at least try to find something active for my poor body to benefit from. I can police my mind when it likes to do lots of chatting (sort of), I can soothe my heart when it swells and contracts (ish), but I’m really rubbish at even noticing my body, which is probably why I’ve only just noticed the breathing situation… after my whole…wait for it…9 step journey (not 8 as suspected earlier) to the bathroom
Yoga for the toes…Google ere we come!
– Ha ha! Toe exercises exist! There is a God 🙂
If anyone knows of anyway to get fit without moving at all, please do holler, I will pay you handsomely for your methods! Giving up smoking is not an acceptable solution (though it gets 10 out of 10 for merit, it’s just not happening and therefore, it’s both useful and totally defunct!
Toodles for now Peeps
Mwah tut you all in the bloggus-sphere