Category Archives: Bilge/Drivvle

Life…Pessimist, Realist and a Jolly Deluded Soul Discuss Ages 0-30

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What are life’s biggest universal lessons from the age of 0 – 20 years old?

Pessimist – To learn how to become mildly tolerable to other humans, whilst maintaining the wholly narcissistic qualities we were all born with. Perfecting selfish methods to get whatever self-serving gift we want, whilst life throws crap at us. Crap after crap after more crap that is

Realist – To learn how to speak, think, act and do a variety of tasks; guided by parents, leaders anpessd teachers who hope we will leave school as an independent and reliable ‘social skivvy’s/Capitalist servant’…

Jolly-ist – The wonder years…No responsibilities, our ‘free-est’ time, school days are the best days of your life etc. Childhood is when and where we see the world with beauty, innocence, laughter and love. And the world gives us beauty, innocence, laughter and love back (and a few lessons)

How about years 20 – 30?

Pessimist – 10 years of chasing love with all the wrong people, overcoming the addiction of dating monsters fopess 2r the drama addiction. Realising the true hell of working 40 hours a week in a job you despise. Learning that there are a very limited number of positions in society that allow true happiness to flourish. Destroy approx 50% of one’s brain cells, consuming copious amounts of drugs/alcohol and fags Read the rest of this entry

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When Mensa Take The Piss (part 2)

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Clues

Hilary is playing sudoku in the green room

Edith has a budgie who swears like a navvy

Ron has severe amnesia, Julie is his carer, and just reminded him of their trip to the supermarket that morning

 

Fill in the blanks

fillRon has proposed to the budgie _ times

Hilary has two 9’s in one row. How much was the book to buy _

Does Edith use Wiltshire farm foods. If yes, how often? _

 

(Chortle Chortle :))

I’ll have a Diet Coke and a Dose of Leprosy (Please) :)

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Hey all you folks on the tinternet!

I have written just 3 or 4 posts in 6 whole months! I’ve missed it a lot, and I’ve noticed that the more often I write, the better I feel. Plus, I still have a weak spot for them orange stars on wordpress…they give me a mini lift ;). I was writing almost everyday for 1 or 2 years before this gargantuan hiatus hit me. I was so self-conscious (whole ‘nother story). I think the creative section of my brain went AWOL

Ideas flowed in and out of me…normallydrunk

I was always thinking, always linking the ‘facts of life’!!! together to illustrate how the puzzle is made real… because of our inter connected lives, in terms of experiences, thoughts and feelings, schooling, families, institutions, careers, friends and lovers etc. Our similarities are wide-reaching, and bigger (more meaningful) than our differences. I truly believe that…

Anyways!!!

This post was meant to just be about alcohol, so I’ll get on the topic right about now Read the rest of this entry

The Top Ten Sell – My Homepage is a Mess!

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After many months off from blogging due to a severe case of writers block, I’m back in tut blogosphere and reading your entries galore as I sometimes do. But; each time I leave my little Gravatar trail with a like or comment, I know there’s a chance the recipient may come back and check out my page. Now here is the problem, I currently have a whole page of utter crap! Yes! All 10 posts on my homepage are either pointless drivvle or snippets of my strange sense of humour, which nobody but me needs. There’s not a point in sight, much less an actual topic, and at least 50%  of the entries don’t even really make sensecrap

I guess it’s not helped by the fact that my blogging is soooo varied, a ‘anything goes’ mentality does allow me to, shall we say experiment. Which is what led me here

My current 10 are truly piss poor and all I can do is hope for a star or two to quell the sadness within (Oh the drama)… as X amount of bloggers stop by, think ‘what the foooook’ is this woman on about, and leave promptly…

Do you ever look at your page and think, God I hope no-one visits today, I’ve written half a foot of toot (rubbish)? A bit like when someone knocks at your door and the house is trashed, its like that

I might have to search for something useful that I’ve written and re-blog the bugger to break it up – the ocean of crap that is. Until then, my writers block continues, therefore, my crap is staying visible for the forseeable future so I better get used to it. Right, enough of this talking to yourself. I better post some more pointless crap 🙂 And here it is!

*sobs*

Don’t Worry…I’ll Google It! (Pet Peeeev’s)

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phoneMy ‘pet peeeev’ of the year so far has gotta be that bloody phrase we so often hear nowadays

“I’ll google it”

And that’s it for the next 20 minutes …you can kiss goodbye to any old school methods of communication (talking); whilst whoever has a smart phone insists that you snuggle into each others personal space to share the 3 inch screen, all for some crappy and very miniature video or webpage that proclaims to know the answer to everything

Not to mention the meandering onto the other phrase

“Just wait for it to load, it’s hilarious/clever/entertaining”

I really don’t like smart phones…They facilitate rudeness and increase irritation in living rooms all over the land

That is all for now…

If I was a Car!

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I would be too big at the backcar

I would have inconsistent and inexplicable oil needs

Prone to breakdowns during short haul journeys

My battery would be flat often, for no fathomable reason

Every MOT would be filled with never before seen malfunctions

I would accelerate prematurely (formula one styleeee) with ba mere tap on the gas pedal Read the rest of this entry

Steering Ships Am I Now?? All From The Confines of My Memory Foam

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As I pondered over my uber-shit sailing skills, I almost felt incompetent until I remembered never applying for the job 😉sailor 3

The Sea petrifies me, so I’m hopping off deck (soon)

A Sailor! As if !! (SCoff Scoff Scoff Old Chum)

(Ooops, missed some of that call, just heard Noah shouting star something??? I couldn’t hear him over the 2 tigers roaring)sailor 32

So, I spotted the nearest star and spun the ship rooooond towards it

As I notice 3,000 other stars with a quick whip of the neck, worry sets in

I panic, but then look down at my T-Shirt and see ‘Keep Calm and Go West’

The Co-ordinates and/or compass points are not my forte, so I listened to the team onboard instead, they were singing a 4 part harmony of the classic Welsh anthem ‘Newport’…The Welshie solo’d the line ‘concrete jungle where dreams are made of’ and I hollered

Follow that Green Peace Man to Starsailor

In that sweet moment, I’d realised my buried dream of being a sea-captain! But only if the boats swim sideways…Safety People!

From Rock, To Wi-Fi, To Heat Waves, Voiles and Snoring! OR A Selection of Bilge :)

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Christ Alive! And Seriouslybricks 4 ;/

I know that walls aren’t what they once were

As in; they used to be a foot thick…

Which was dandy!

However, these big old walls could have changed the future forever (See broken woman to the right)

bricks 5

Nowadays, they are in competition with walls as thick as ice cream wafers…disguised as brick

brick 2

Soon, the new housing estates will look like they are situated in the centre of a desert in the Middle East (peak of summer). The strange swirling mist that comes from heat waves, will distort the walls and the owners will put it down to the 45 degree heat…

Until…

Winter arrives; the dwellers become alarmed to see the walls still slopping around, with no heat swirls in sight, and many neighbours buying posh nets from the stall in the street

Because ‘Apparently they keep the heat in’bricks 6

Seriously, I can hear the man snoring loud as a bleeding train, and he lives in a whole ‘nother house!!!!!!!!

At least it was only 169 words of tripe

Chemically Induced Writers Block! (‘A Sucks)…

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Chemically induced writers blocksocks 1

Creative juices live in brain socks

Bare feet tip toe around my grey matter

Producing a streamlined flow of chatter

Socks on the toes desensitize me

Socks off the toes sends my grey bits crazy

Quetiapine sucking my dopamine

Rinsing my brain like a grandiose spring clean

Leaving nothing like it was when it was old,

Sucking my emotions til coldsocks

Chemically induced writers block

Stealing my stories, hidden in brain socks

Diarrhoea…Cucumber Lane and BODMAS! Watch out WORLD!!!! :)

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It’s odd what we remember and what we forget don’t ya think? spell

Take your schooling, and I’m sure after 5 minutes of thinking about your memories of all those past lessons; you will see that the things you remember have very little to do with helpfulness or importance

My memory is particularly useless! So; I can recall about 3 facts from school, which is kinda dire when you consider the number of years we all spend there

One day my teacher read a letter to the class. It was from a Mother, describing why little Johnny was too ill to come to school

Johnny had a dose of diarrhoea and after 3 goes at spelling diarrhoea, all crossed out a bit like this

dierrspelling

diaare

dyarr

The Mother gave up trying to spell it correctly, and under the scribbled out attempts, she wrote – ‘The Shits’ 🙂 Oh how this tickled me… Read the rest of this entry

10 Random Things I Think

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I think the world is far weirder than one person could ever even imagine, let alone grasp or fully understand/know

I think the biggest damn between people, is made entirely of presumption shaped bricks

I think I am a least partially tapped of mind, never to be untapped againi think

I think there are levels on the way to evolving as a species, and I believe we won’t get to the highest ones until we abandon money and the RIDICULOUS human invention known as – the economy

I think people are a lot kinder deep down than they think they are

My nan used to say, thought thought he’d shit himself, but when he looked he’d only farted 🙂 lol… nice one Grandma Bunn 🙂

I think the way we allow our old people to be treated is a disgrace, and we should be utterly and entirely ASHAMED

I think people are most lacking free time in the West, and free time is needed for reflective thought to be touched upon, and for growth and change to be considered, rather than reactive

I think I think too much for my own good

I think love has more power than any other force on this earth

Sod is My Middle Name! ;)

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Sod (the 1st) has always been a memorable and talked about public figure, throughout many era’ssods law 5 and periods

His logic and fixed truths have remained both popular and unchanged; even through times of great social unrest and modernisation.

As a prolific law-maker, who focused on ‘mysterious and ironic saga’s’…his name is often mentioned when strange and unfortunate events occur

Examples of his early work include :-sods law 7

– The Odd Sock Phenomena/More Phantom Objects (are) Disappearing ‘Act’ of 1453 (bc)

– Torrential rain for 7 days, in an entire year, but coinciding with your 7 day holiday at the ‘normally sunny EVERYDAY location’

– Over-sleeping for the 1st time ever, and waking to find a coach full of hungry OAP’s, herding around the main entrance to your Public House. Which should have been open for business…10 minutes before…

Sod, Me, Hearts and Minds Read the rest of this entry

The Xmas Present of The Century!!!

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Santa was very kind to me this year!steam

As tragic as this may be – my most favourite gift was a VAX steam cleaner!

The thing is tooooooo cool for words

To say my house was a bit dusty…pre xmas, would be the understatement of the century

I finally gained enough energy to blitz the flat of all surface debris

And then; I spent a bliss-filled hour blasting the living life out of every shelf, fake plant and ornament in sight – with my trusty jet of ‘red hot magic steamy dust killing power’

We age, we change, we fall in love with household cleaners and subsequently; we become the opposite to ‘street’ (wise…)

And finally, when we openly discuss the joys of steamy jets on our posts…We officially become ‘tragic’ in tut Bloggus-Sphere toooooo!

I care not for the judgements 😉steam 1

One day, the young and uber cool will gasp with delight…over a household cleaning product, born of their era.

All in good time…all in good time my youthful friends!

God Bless you VAX!

I is ‘Past it and Proud’ 😉

Short Number 49 – Almost :)

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52 ‘Shorts’ for 2012almost

Each…

50 words limit. A story. A point.

Twas the mission

And here’s the report

48 outta 52 is not a bad score

48 stories…with overtypes galore

I very much enjoyed the task

Sometimes ‘ze shorts’ were quite simply a blast

To break my ‘over-limit’ habit

I’ll end ’49’ …

With a little less rabbit

(5o words EXACTLY :))

A Quick Apology re My Tardy Upside Down Ass Self

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Dear Lovely Peeps of tut Bloggus-Sphere!slow

I need to make a quick apology to all you sweet and kind people, who have left comments on various posts over the last few weeks

What can I say except – I need an admin related boot up the ass 🙂

I started replying to comments in reverse order, and then I switched tactics and began with the newest one’s, and somewhere along the line, my replies appeared everywhere…all dotted in between yours, and I kinda lost the plotslow 1!

Sooooo….I just wanted to say THANK-YOU muchly. I really appreciate your thoughts on my spillages. They have picked me up when I was down, encouraged me to spill when I was dry, warmed my cockles; made me all mooshy at points…humbled me and surprised me too. Sorry that by the time I reply, you may well have forgotten ever leaving a little note in the first place :0

I’m getting on it, pronto-ish! 😉slow 2

Yours Truly

Grateful Blogger/Admin Abomination

Littlebeut333

Short Number 46 – All the G’s Thankyou Please

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After the Gas incident…

Great and Gregarious Greta Gleaned Glory, Gold Gifts and a pair of Gola trainers that Gok Gleamed at, with Good Golly style Gleegold 1

Gayle; her Gorgeous Great Grand daughter Gasped and Giggled

The Gola’s didn’t Go Great with Geoff’s Gold Gilet

Guffaw Guffaw escaped Gayle’s Gob

(50 words)gold

 

Short Number 45 – Ouch Random Button, You’re Bad for My Ego ;)

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ouch

“Hey author, I just read 5 of your posts and I have no idea what they were about”

“Hey reader, I am aware of the posts in question. I’m afraid I also have no idea”

“But author, you wrote them”

“Oh reader, I know. They are memoirs courtesy of ‘Ms Insanity Pants’. The day you need to worry is the day you relate”

“Oh author, you have a point!”

“Oh reader, I always have a point, just not a great memory”

(Damn you word limit of 50 😉 – 78 words)

Virtual Snow! Smooth :)

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I would like to thank the IT genius’, who bob around in the background doing their ‘thang’ on WordPress

The fact that it is snowing on my stats page, is to me, an ‘ickle miracle!

How cute and marvellous in equal measure!

Let it snow Let it snow Let it snow 🙂

Merry Xmas dear dwellers of tut Bloggusphere

Read the rest of this entry

Short Number 44 – Location Location Location Trumps Again! :)

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Being one of the folk termed mentally ill

Sometimes, I feel like I’m the only one, the odd one out, the one who’s stranger than most etc

HOWEVER, if nations all jumbled their citizens about the world, grouping people together based on mental classificationsmenatl

In one country – I’d be ultra normal :)! We could even re-name them and then…

I’d be a proud Citizen of Mentalist Land

With any luck, we’ll get one of the HOT countries

Life would be a blast 🙂menatl 1

(A shocking over type again – 81 words)

My 3 Irreplaceable Items…Island Life and Death! ;)

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Someone once told me that you can learn an enormous amount about a person’s nature, if you play this little Q) and A) game

You’re stranded on a desert island, and you will be stuck there for a few months (minimum)

What 3 things would you take with you and why?

1) A Nivea lip balm. Mainly because, once you apply the stuff for more than a week, your body stops making ‘lip grease’ (non scientific explanation). I once believed that the body would figure out – that the moisturising effect was coming from outside of me…apparently not. On a dry day, you’re looking at a maximum comfort period of 15 minutes, before they and I begin to crack. My best friend now buys a bulk box of 28 at a time for me (bless him) as he got sick to death of the ‘lip-arama’ that flowed from me, every time I lost 1. I now have 5 in my handbag at all times in case of emergency 😉 Read the rest of this entry