Category Archives: Experiences

‘Blessing My Blessings’…From Facts To Feeling,

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In the quest to cheer the fooook up before I keel over….I have, on numerous occasions, written lists of all my blessings and I have to say; I’m lucky to have a pretty long list. However, I don’t think a name/one word summary does many favours to covey the richness and depth of goodness, that some of the people and things on my list, bring to my life.

BlessingsThe trouble with lists :- When I read the list back to myself, I can’t help but feel like, the act of blessing the blessings’  (giving them the level of appreciation they deserve and hold), gets minimized and becomes almost mechanical. FEELING gratitude rather than NOTING gratitude, make for 2 very different states of mind

Sooooo, ramble ramble, the long and short of it is – I am going to try to capture the essence of the people and circumstances on my list, one at a time…I am going to savour slowly, all that I have, by really digging down into each separate person or place, noting their qualities, our experiences, our memories, and anything else that I associate with the people on my list

Read the rest of this entry

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I’ll have a Diet Coke and a Dose of Leprosy (Please) :)

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Hey all you folks on the tinternet!

I have written just 3 or 4 posts in 6 whole months! I’ve missed it a lot, and I’ve noticed that the more often I write, the better I feel. Plus, I still have a weak spot for them orange stars on wordpress…they give me a mini lift ;). I was writing almost everyday for 1 or 2 years before this gargantuan hiatus hit me. I was so self-conscious (whole ‘nother story). I think the creative section of my brain went AWOL

Ideas flowed in and out of me…normallydrunk

I was always thinking, always linking the ‘facts of life’!!! together to illustrate how the puzzle is made real… because of our inter connected lives, in terms of experiences, thoughts and feelings, schooling, families, institutions, careers, friends and lovers etc. Our similarities are wide-reaching, and bigger (more meaningful) than our differences. I truly believe that…

Anyways!!!

This post was meant to just be about alcohol, so I’ll get on the topic right about now Read the rest of this entry

That 4 Letter Word…Causes All The Strife, Causes All of Life, Awakens Our Inner Wife, Cuts Like a Knife, Our Fuel For This Life…

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Love ? I love love love you.When God said – Love is all there is… I understand now the depth and breadth of love’s business

When we are all children, its intensity rules all

And the very next heart beat after we first feel it, the fear of losing it ignites

It stays there throughout school

Then there’s all this imperfection and pain in the world

And the only thing that fixes it is the very thing that causes it

Love is the only perfect gift on the planet

But if we give and receive it from a damaged source, it becomes pain filled and painful, blocked, cruel, lost, mis-directed, overwhelming, mis-understood…

At worst, it dresses up as abuse – mental, physical, sexual or spiritual

When 2 people fall in love, it envelopes your insides, causing joy, ecstasy, warmth, addiction, desire, longing, kindness, insanity, inspiration, hope, happiness, thoughfulness

When the bond is damaged it dresses as mistrust, revenge, power, confusion, patience, truth and lies

When illness threatens to break its bond it dresses to fit – as care, dedication, forgiveness, pain, hurt, even what feels like hatred, loyalty, compromise, explanations, ’emotionally charged right up’ love, fear, too much, too little, perception spectacles of many different colours Read the rest of this entry

Mergence of Sarcasm and Magnificence = ‘Life’s Heady Heights’ @ Dawny’s

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SUCCESS is wholly subjective goals 4

When the theme tune for Jeremy Kyle tickles my ear drums, the rush of ‘feel good chemicals’ go wild in the aisles of my brain…and it is in joyful moments like these, when I feel most successful 🙂goals 2

When Meredith’s mother told her to be extraordinary; she didn’t mean an extraordinary surgeon, she meant an extraordinary person!

I wrote the following, when I had the ‘royal hump’ and it’s rather sarcastic and self (+ existence) deprecating! (AND also, sadly true :))

I decided this year was gonna be theeeee year of my life! (After year 33 went a little ‘tits up’ to say the least) Read the rest of this entry

Spooky Fag Related Mini Miracle…

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A while ago, I wrote a post about addiction, and I touched upon my own struggles with a plethora of activities and substances

Addictive Genes and Sad Souls…Do we inherit sadness?

NOW! Smoking cigarettes has always been one addiction that I had no intention of giving up. As many smokers will tell you, it is such a powerful attachment that it entwines itself with the essence of your identity. Yes; it is part of ‘who I am’… rather than a part of ‘what I do’addict 1

I always figured that I’d try to kick every other addiction, and smoking would be the one ‘fix’ that would stay for a lifetime…I was a self-confessed lover of smoking, and there was no guilt attached to this need, unlike the other buggers

ANYHOO

Back to the post on addiction…I recieved a comment saying that my addictions (being so severe) were something only God and The Angels could fix. So, in amongst my prayers, I prayed for healing – re my addictive nature…

I don’t know if you can relate to this, but occasionally I have a thought pop into my head and I somehow know that it didn’t come from anywhere inside of me. Read the rest of this entry

Dear Psychosis…I’ll have my songs back now!!! Thank-you Please!

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I shan’t dwell on the hell of last year, courtesy of a whopping dose of psychotic insanity (I call her/it ‘Ms Psychosis’)…except to tell you that when she comes at you in full force, she steals all of your previous links to memories old and new; and ‘shats’ all over them with her own scary and wholly negative version, of fowl smelling poop!psycho 1

She leaves no stone unturned, no niche untouched… and Ms Psychosis done a sterling job of turning all 506 songs on my iPod, into 506 poxy triggers.

Sooooooo; I’ve decided that I don’t want her infecting my playlists anymore. And I’ve told her she is on the way to being phased right outta town

The triggers don’t just disappear unfortunately, you have to boot them out with gusto, over a period of time

So, when the song begins, it now gets 5 seconds to be a sign of insidious evil squit, and the following 3 or 4 minutes are dedicated to remembering the old and marvellous memories, that come with each and every song that I love…

Sooooooooooo…Ms Psychosis, you get 5 seconds now…and soon you’ll be down to 2!

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Biatch 🙂

A Stranger In My Psyche…

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When you’re close, I feel the wonder of your joy

You and others say you never leave anyone alone

You are always ‘nowhere’ so you can be ‘now here’

Where ever that may be

So maybe it’s me that has travelled tonight

Unknowingly and unwillingly I have left your side

Like a child, I feel fragile when I can’t feel your hand in mine

Sometimes I don’t like my needs Read the rest of this entry

Just Breathe…

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Fear and pain cause us to build a fortress around ourselves, one thick enough to withstand nuclear attacks to the mind, body and soulfear

Reality teaches us all about the limitations of fear

And ends the lesson with a reminder that scary things exist

But does it do us any good? Trying to avoid fearful situations?

The soul knows the answer to this…

The soul knows love, life, peace and freedom. It has no room or purpose for fear, other than as a reminder to be brave

Fear stops me breathing, over and over again Read the rest of this entry

Baby-Gate @ Dawny’s! How What Who When WHAT?????

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I have been walloped with the longings of my biological clock! For 20 years I was 100% sure that I didn’t wanna make any mini Dawny’s

It would seem I am now 100% clucking, at the utterly entrancing wonder of every tiny little human that passes me by! baby 5

I just hope the 1000 reasons why I should not be a mother, continue to keep me from running outside and hollering

“Man wanted to father wondrous human, if you’re genetically sound, doooo come in and kindly knock me up” 😉 Read the rest of this entry

There are worst things in this world than slugs! :)

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The conclusion stands until further notice

There may not be any further notices on this subject, maybe there will, either way is cool beans for me!?

At the moment my body is defying movement

It’s never gone on this long, ever, but I know there is some serious healing to be done

The greatest blessing to come from God’s friendship and our faith in each other?

My freedom

I no longer feel the need or desire to chase life’s dreams

If my dream of being a columnist re-ignites, I’ll simply announce myself as a columnist and set up a new blog, simplessssss 🙂

I’m no longer bothered about my bottom of the pile ‘social status’

That is not who I am, only I need to know that Read the rest of this entry

In my ‘Solitude’ – Comes the search for a different type of company

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I call these days my lonely days, but I spend them reading all about the lives of others

I call these days my moments of solitude, but I search for your words about solitude, to enrich the experience of feeling it, of having it

I call them my ‘old school’ days, but the day is not complete without a DVD running in the back round for company, and a keyboard for talking

I call them my alone time days, but if the cats are not curled up near to the computer screen, I try my best to round them up onto the bed with me

I call them my me days, but I spend them searching for other ‘you’s, to take a peek inside your hearts and minds

I call them my me days, but when I switch the phone off, I worry that someone will need me for something

I call them my me days, but I love to see those little orange stars…a sign that tells me someone has noticed me, sometimes ‘my words’ are just another way of saying… ‘me’ Read the rest of this entry

More mildly insane pondering! With a wish or two thrown in…Why? Why not?!

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Cat and Dog Cupcakes

Cat and Dog Cupcakes

The open-minded and the crazy, get it from all directions

Few dare to know the extent of their wisdom, only the fearless dare and that takes time

Few can be held to account for terrorising these people, and more than a few know it’s happening

Illness is one mighty huge get out of jail free card, for a plethora of morally superior folk whom I chuckle at for even believing on one tiny level that they are deluded enough to take a higher ground position, as they lead a war for nowt’ more than kicks and cash!

The trick is to know that those who think they know it all, are those that either fail to see the truly unexplainable

Or believe they are responsible for the unexplainable, even if the ‘how’ evades them at present Read the rest of this entry

Short Number 30 – Big and Small

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Big is BIG by nature, so she did everything she could to source a giant canvas and an oversized pad, and she filled them with everything she could – A 33rd of her pie

Small is MASSIVE by nature, but when she thought small was small, medium and large, she did them MASSIVE anyway – A 32th (tooth) of 32’s

Word  Count – 59

Short Number 27 – Face Value

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On face value

Off face value

The enjoyable interaction = The enjoyable interaction

Except one is underpinned by trust, respect, thoughts, loyalty, kindness, honesty, highs and lows, impact…and these are the insides in the ball of love

The other is underpinned by by by by? = nothing + duplicitous behaviour +  an off cut from loves cloth

Word Count – 50

Judgy Wudgy Pants/ Dear Oh Law Dawny, never small scale!

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I have a little bit of ‘tude… and a selection of feelings/emotions and reactions, feeding the general mood and conclusions of this spillage!

Pretty sure you won’t make it to the end. Note to self – OH MY GOD I bloody love my pretty page, and an idea for new wallpaper is firmly sorted!

Back to a rather long-winded moan/analysis/poke around/thanks/oh balls/less judgy wudgy hypocrisy, in my CD-rom soul.

All delivered through my strange eyes, stranger life happenings, and the humble yet positively trappy opinions I own as of now

In short, me spilling AGAIN! 🙂

Firstly, as I traipsed onto my page after a short break, I just had to chuckle at the utter mental-ness of my entries of late, which was induced by a number of rather shocking changes to my identity. As one of my dear friends summed up as good reason for my shifting perception – I am maliable. I would have to say on a short note Read the rest of this entry

The aliens pondered…BUT it’d be so boring!

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Ten Little Aliens

Ten Little Aliens

The Aliens called a meeting, seeing the first and last of a kind in epic gargantuan measures, they thought,… but if we let them have it that way, we’ll have to go back to being bored with no-one to play withAnd everytime they tried to reboot her lately, things were not going to plan and she said, stop being such Doofus’s, you are in on it, part of the crew, on your next scoop through, pick her up and take her with you

Only trouble with that plan was that old Mother Nature could not, by default, leave earth or any of it’s species Read the rest of this entry

Cluedo – Such a Fabulous Game

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Cluedo

Cluedo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In my dreams I was having a game of cluedo with my friends, and I got this mysterious clue, it was related to backwards

Back tracking

It was in knowing that the 24 hour clock was the secret killer of the game, when midday became 00.00, and not 12.00, just like midnight became 00.00, the alien in the right hand top corner, playing mr invisible… sighed

You know best clearly

Father forgive me, for I have lived, loved and lost in everyway, and caused others pain along the way.

Jenny said, what the fuck has that gotta do with the game in hand you outdated bible bashing fruit bat 😉 That made me chuckle

He got his way, when he agreed to meet in the middle of the board, because her plan was the only one that guaranteed his nation would be saved from more mis-treatment

Poxy woman again! Getting in the way just like nature intended

He sighed and chuckled cos he was light years past humanity, and uncatchable

Damn aliens!

Short Number 27 – The Truth about Peter Pan

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Peter Pan was a fucking Pratt!

He ate all the picked peppers and he regurgitated all the pickled peppers,

Peter Pan

Peter Pan The Pop-up Kingdom)

and still all he wanted, was to play in the hay with Pleut Pants

Peter Pan the He/She was a sucker for investing all his eggs in the apparent worst DNA basket on this globe

As I said, Peter was a Pratt! and on the days when he saw clearly, He was a TWAT!

Poor Peterella

(77 words)

I promise I WILL wait for everyone, unless I must compromise ONE soul, (My other half) If HE swears to marry me forever ONLY, other than that, back to the future we ALL GO!!

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I get it, where you all are and what fun you are having

I get that as a human (by origin), it is normally at a persons lowest point that they seek help, any help, in desperation and mass sadness – my next door neighbour guided me to a book and it saved my life and yours, we are adored intrinsically in this heaven…

It just said, I fooooooking love you Dawny, I can’t do anything but love you, no matter what you have been and think you have been, neither can I unlove your creations, because we needed them for the backdrop of heaven and earth. I cannot scold you for making a choice, when there was only ever one of two to make, to take, from the world I created, but hey, what a fucking epic test run and selection of movies to chuckle together at for REAL…movies of excitement, theres only MORE of that in my gaff, and your gaff ere on earth. Here is the ONLY place you will actually be able to wake up for the FIRST time, TRUST ME ON THIS ONE ay? For old times sake 😉 Become who you really are, and love will drop the damn – WE WILL together, as the sum of all parts. And I have good news, because love couldn’t actually be anything but spandangly whilst testing in experience, it made a very realsitic dreams and nightmares world. We made it together, so why all these miles? It takes time I know, and I’m a patient little treasure

Oh and to the man of my dreams, you’re gonna have to tell me the secrets in good time about our next step, and leave us poor humanites to heaven inside and out, same mirror image, same age, same imperfect bunch of peeps with the greatest gift on earth in their possession, adoration, un-doable adoration, come on my little toe paleeeease?

Whilst I wasn’t looking, you went through the entire alphabet, cloning, honing and perfecting energy, en as you called it, and zen as it now stands, indestructable Read the rest of this entry