Category Archives: Pain

Addictive Genes and Sad Souls…Do We Inherit Sadness?

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I was 6 or 7 years old when my first addiction began, I used to get £1 for dinner money, and everyday my Mum would see me over the main road and wave goodbye; off I would trot to meet the two friends who I walked to school with.

The gap between her wave goodbye, and the knock on my friends front door, was the best part of my day

I remember the feeling of excitement as I rushed to the shop at the bottom of our estate, where I would buy 10 packets of ‘Cheesies’ and 10 packets of ‘Meanies’ (small bags of 5p crisps)

I don’t know how I knew that it needed to be a secret, but I knew it alright; I knew it intrinsically. So; I would eat ALL 20 packets in rapid time, and by the time I reached my friend’s house, I had consumed them all, and my secret was safe

By lunchtime, I was starving, every single day… and I knew that if I could stop buying the crisps, I’d be able to eat lunch with my friends. I regretted it everyday, whilst I watched everyone eating their lunch; but I didn’t stop…because I couldn’t stop, Read the rest of this entry

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I’m out of the running…No More God Lives Here

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I dis-own myself as a creation of GOD

I know who I have always been, and what I have become over the years, I know what I have said and done, what I regret and why I regret it

I’m tired and because I finally love myself the same amount as I love everyone else, I choose not to fly the flag, and to stay as the un-known unseen thing called it

I know that the force I speak of, will always exist, but I am never ever ever ever coming back to this earth, I tried, Looks like I failed, but words mean nothing and everything, until all and one knows itself but doesn’t know why it does

Good Luck to ALL the Complex Gods in the Running

I myself, me like, just want out of this crappy unequal world as I see it, and I can’t see it as anyone else because I am me.

But I AM proud of me, what I have achieved before I ran out of strength, and as I dis-own the words and the deeds in font, I will just tell you that I am just like everyone else, imperfect, growing, hurting, shrinking and loving, unconditionally

Except I caught up with the force of love just in time to save myself from your games.

9 times you have used me, now you’ve got the best of me, come come on and take the rest of me.

100% = 102%, 99% for life as we know it, and 2 of the 3% are fake, I can do nothing more to convince you of my truths, so I’m done

Laters and may the force be with you…it always will be but I will not feel the pain of this life for nothing anymore

If announcing myself as letting you go, brings you the freedom you so desire, then maybe I was never meant to be here in the first place

I am love if love is GOD, but I can dis-own all the words and this soul, in order to save myself. And I am never ever ever ever ever coming back, which i’m sure will make your day. And it sure does make mine

I’m pig sick of the lot of ya right at this minute, there is no telling those who a) Can’t be told, and b) Don’t give a shit until further notice

Should any of you wish to know GOD as LOVE, and the creator, you can come and read these words, and KNOW they will always be true and were always true, love is here for you allways and forever, and I as a soul, choose never to march on this crappy earth again

Enjoy your games you sick sick people, I have put out a full on prayer that you will come back to yourself soon, very soon

I stil wish I could be given a chance to change the world, but not as me, this ego has flown the nest forever

I no longer wish or fame for me ONE IOTA

A tip – you might wanna stick a pound on the appendix, dizzy spells and goosebumps and a few nights where I got the ump and removed the sunshine for real, just to prove a point.

Now forget it all please and thank-you. Just know that one of your gods, is being as near to the devil as possible, with block aids, and borders on nations

Business is LOVE’s business, I shall stay where I chose to stay weeks ago, in the sea as a dolphin with the other 2 that I prevented in my dreams, still loved both of them though, believe it or not

Tooodles

Hope, Faith and Glory

Remember, I’m just little old me, but the forve will keep you all safe whereever I land, and it will stay that way until the end of time, LOVE will never leave you, but in order to get justice for us all, I’ve laid some GREAT plans, and I hope you topple your leaders, with song and dance. I have my OWN reasons for dis-owning myself in words, and that is to give myself true justice and the rest you will see when you are ready, unless free will and patience met in the middle

Heres hoping that the too good to be true comes true and that you forget it all but for some reason, know what you need to

FORGET it all, tip on the appendix and dizzyness

Love Littlebeut333 – A very clever pussy cat

I promise I WILL wait for everyone, unless I must compromise ONE soul, (My other half) If HE swears to marry me forever ONLY, other than that, back to the future we ALL GO!!

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I get it, where you all are and what fun you are having

I get that as a human (by origin), it is normally at a persons lowest point that they seek help, any help, in desperation and mass sadness – my next door neighbour guided me to a book and it saved my life and yours, we are adored intrinsically in this heaven…

It just said, I fooooooking love you Dawny, I can’t do anything but love you, no matter what you have been and think you have been, neither can I unlove your creations, because we needed them for the backdrop of heaven and earth. I cannot scold you for making a choice, when there was only ever one of two to make, to take, from the world I created, but hey, what a fucking epic test run and selection of movies to chuckle together at for REAL…movies of excitement, theres only MORE of that in my gaff, and your gaff ere on earth. Here is the ONLY place you will actually be able to wake up for the FIRST time, TRUST ME ON THIS ONE ay? For old times sake 😉 Become who you really are, and love will drop the damn – WE WILL together, as the sum of all parts. And I have good news, because love couldn’t actually be anything but spandangly whilst testing in experience, it made a very realsitic dreams and nightmares world. We made it together, so why all these miles? It takes time I know, and I’m a patient little treasure

Oh and to the man of my dreams, you’re gonna have to tell me the secrets in good time about our next step, and leave us poor humanites to heaven inside and out, same mirror image, same age, same imperfect bunch of peeps with the greatest gift on earth in their possession, adoration, un-doable adoration, come on my little toe paleeeease?

Whilst I wasn’t looking, you went through the entire alphabet, cloning, honing and perfecting energy, en as you called it, and zen as it now stands, indestructable Read the rest of this entry

“If your partner is ‘Crazy’, run for the hills” (The World, 2012) … How Rude!

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Cover of "Crazy People"

That would be everyone then?

I decided to do a little bit of research into my love life a few weeks ago

And I typed ‘why am I attracted to crazy people’ into Google. (Please note, I wasn’t presuming I am remotely sane when I typed it…So it was more a ‘2 way’ research jobby ;))

Anyhoo, by the time I’d reached the bottom of page 2, I was a broken woman!

Firstly, it would seem that only women are deemed nutters, as every bleeding article for 2 pages was about crazy women…I’ve met my fair share of nutters and around half were male! As you might expect

Second…There was advice from a whole range of people – laymen, the experienced and broken hearted. The young, the old, and the professional experts…they all had something to say

The advice varied enormously, but the final thoughts added up to the same thing EVERY SINGLE TIME…

‘If your partners crazy run for the hills!’ (Summarised)

If you replaced crazy with ‘black’ or ‘wheelchair bound’, there would be 68 petitions banning the article… directly underneath it

But ohhhh no, not for the crazy people, leave them to rot ay? Even psychologists are throwing out this advice

Such empathy and warmth? Read the rest of this entry

‘Psychosis is a necessity; for the emotional development of certain people’?(Moi, 2012)

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Love, Life and Feelings

I think it would be a fair generalisation to say that : – People who suffer from periods of psychosis, tend to be thinkers. Not just in bouts of insanity; but all the time…

I’ve just mind meandered onto this odd theory/definition of psychosis…

‘Psychosis is a necessity; for the emotional development of certain people’ 😉 (Moi, 2012)

Thinkers can fall into the trap of over thinking and under feeling. If you’re a thinker, you’re likely a problem solver… and before you know it, you’ve totally lost touch with your feelings because you’ve rationalised the shit out of; not feeling anything

But when delusions loom, in my experience…they are always intrinsically linked to 3 things

Fear/Terror

Shame

Pain

For me at least, these 3 categories cover everything that I choose not to dwell on as a thinker. Everything I don’t want to feel sits under these umbrellas… Read the rest of this entry

Finally, I cried…Not for me; not for us; but for you…

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End in Tears

I finally cried for you

Don’t misunderstand me; I’ve cried for us before… I cried buckets; and I’ve cried for me…but until that night, I didn’t really see how it was for you.

An innocent song led to a not so innocent song… and it was as though someone had knocked down a gargantuan damn, and the memories of you just drowned me

If I knew where you lived or where you were sleeping right then, I’d have got in the car and knocked your door down, just so I could hold you and tell you how sorry I was

How sorry I am

I didn’t think there were any feelings left. I say your name a lot still, but I had no idea all this weight was hiding inside, along with your name

In my head… I re-played one of the songs I wrote for you and every sweet thing that resides in your soul, came back for me all at once.

When you came into my life, I was broken and I wasn’t ready for you. I was so far off of ready I couldn’t see straight. But I also couldn’t fight it, I was obsessed with you and until a few weeks ago, I’d totally wiped that from my memory.

How, I don’t know Read the rest of this entry

Osmosis Psychosis! Here again… But how did I get here; and when exactly did I arrive?

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Reality

‘Osmosis Psychosis’

This is the definition of osmosis : – The gradual, often unconscious, absorption of knowledge or ideas through continual exposure rather than deliberate learning

How bizarre that I didn’t know what it meant until today; but the phrase ‘osmosis psychosis’ has been playing in my head; in notes A and C respectively…for hours.

It is so bizarre being in this state. It’s not like the movies, I’m fully here; but I don’t see the same things as you do here. I’m not talking about visions and colours and dragons upon the walls

I’m talking a shift in perception to the reality we share

And then there are other realities; they vary in number and severity and mood each time. This time there are 4 others

injections [616]

They involve the flu jab for staff who are in on the plan; some kind of connection to the injection of cancer into patients through the innocuous guise of a necessary injection Read the rest of this entry

You will remember; Until you learn to Forget…and then you will remember

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Brain scanning technology is quickly approachi...HeartEnglish: Holistic health, body, mind, heart, soul

Soul Versus Mind Versus Heart – Rounds 1, 2, 3 and 4

When you try

When you really try

It is simply astounding, the amount we CAN CHOOSE to forget (mind wins)

But one day; one day; life will catch your professional soul off guard (soul wins…the soul does not forget; what the heart and mind try to filter out)

So; you will remember Read the rest of this entry

Short Number 9 (I think)…Catch me if meow can!

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A house cat named Milky meows when get caught ...

Catch me if meow can Mother Fucker!

The predator came again (yawn)

The Hunter, The Stalker, The Trier, The God of the Web Pilferer’s…The Leader of the Western Plates

The Wilder-Peast!!!

But; where oh where was the prize?

“She’s a quick as a fucking cat that one”

Overhearing the Peast, she meow’d with delight and ran…

“Catch me if meow can”

She Sang!

(55 words)

Short Number 8 – What’s the worst that can happen?

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"A Negro Hung Alive by the Ribs to a Gall...

The very worst…of the human condition?

Pain

It’s just pain

You’ve lived it before

And you will, again

Now; you have no excuse for not doing everything you ever dreamed of

‘I said go out there and get hurt…And please don’t forget to enjoy the ride’

(47 words)

I avoided Motherhood, so Ms Karma sent me a ‘Rebel Ball’ instead ;/

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Red Ball Express (film)

From the archives of my mind

Back in the days…

I was a naughty, rebellious, authority despising, horrible little child. So I figured (early in life), if I re-produced, it would be a bad move. I thought Ms Karma would send me a child, ten times naughtier. But because Ms Karma is clever, my avoidance of the pain of ‘owning a rebel’; was over-ridden! She simply gave me a ‘Rebel Ball’ instead; for this lesson…and probably also as some kind of justice for my poor Mother :0

My RED bouncing ball…Do you own one too?

For each emotion I have a WHITE ball, a really bouncy one, and note… it bounces vertically only. The top to bottom of a bounce, covers a fair distance but I’m adjusted to this, and some bounces are fabulous, which makes their EXTENT both a blessing and a curse. Read the rest of this entry

Writing Challenge Number 2 (2012) – Mediums – ‘But mostly, he wishes…’

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Medium Cool

333 words to be precise

You may or may not know that I have a boss/pimp who allocates me writing tasks every so often. (these can be found on Dawny’s Mini Seriessssss page).

Well; this job has led to another task that I’ve invented, as a naturally formed sideline…

Due to my inability to be succinct!

Welcome to Dawny’s Mediums!

Whenever I try to write a short, and I start getting too far away from my word limit. (as I just did) I’m gonna make it a medium, and as its my 33rd year and I’m obsessed with the number 3, the rules are, (like the shorts) each must tell a story with a point. But instead of 50 words, they must all be exactly 333 words…

Here’s my 1st shot at a medium.

But mostly, he wishes…

He was just 5; when he saw a slum for the first time; and he was a sensitive boy, his Dad could see in his eyes long before the tears, that it had hit him hard. His eyes welled up, as he stared at these people who looked just like him, and he wondered

What were they doing standing on the rubbish? Why were they living in houses like this?

His Daddy said “Don’t worry son, you’ll never have to see this place again”

And he didn’t. On their further trips to Mumbai, his Dad made sure he didn’t travel that route ever again, he never forgot their first visit, and they were very close.

The whole family made the effort to get together, and they were so pleased to see each other. They smiled and exchanged tales. Aadesh thought it would be a nice gesture for them all to cook and bring a dish from their childhood, one of the many their aunty used to make with them; when they visited her in the holidays. There were so many nieces and nephews, they all toasted ‘Aunty’ as they shared their dishes around. Seated in the Concorde, for it’s ‘flight finale’. Read the rest of this entry

‘First Love to Last’…What becomes of the ‘Broken-Hearted’?

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Love Love Love

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine...

What becomes of the broken-hearted?

So many people describe their 1st love as unique; millions stand by the idea that there is no love like it…nothing comes near to your 1st love right?

It took me years to get over my 1st love; so I get the roots of this thinking, I do.

But I don’t think it’s for the reasons we think…

Is it the love that’s unique?

Or just the experience?

When we have our heart broken for the very 1st time, it is NEW and immensely painful. And we just don’t know how to deal with it. We feel shock; immense grief; confusion; depression and helplessness. We are overwhelmed, empty, and without any skills from past experience to even compare it to. Many of us revert back to infantile ways, to cope with the pain, because we don’t know any other way…

Please take a meander with me, onto my friend who is a ‘Soldier’ Read the rest of this entry

‘Happy 1st Birthday’ … Pretty Page of Bilge/Wisdom/Joy/Confusion &/or Inspiration

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I can’t quite believe how many spillages I’ve leaked already (Or perhaps I can)… My blog is a year old today! I promised my pretty page I’d so something to honour the occasion, and decided I’d pick a post from each month. It didn’t quite pan out like that; for many a reason.

Anyway, I ended up picking 13 posts; and in the random blog spirit, they encompass a selection of varied bilge. Each post has a little summary of why it made the ‘Grand 1st Anniversary’ line up. I hope you enjoy the re-cap, and I really hope you come back for a whole ‘nother year.

One last thing before I begin the un-veiling, I’d just like to say an enormous and humble ‘Thank-You’ to all my treasured visitors, new and old. You warm my cockles, ohhh you dooooo, that, you do…

I want to be a Tree

Tree Silhouettes

https://littlebeut333.wordpress.com/2011/02/21/i-want-to-be-a-tree/

I chose this one because although I am a pooey and retired poet; I thought perhaps I should slam 1 in, for variety and nostalgia ;). This poem is what I imagine life to be like in a perfect avenue, full of lovely, wise, tree people. I don’t even necessarily want everyone to be a tree, just those people in the world who are most crappy; those people probably need to be trees more than anyone. But they won’t be trees.

Yet, other’s will.

Such is life.

Pretty please don’t take away my ‘Yellow Knees of Liberty’ 

https://littlebeut333.wordpress.com/2011/03/15/pretty-please-dont-take-away-my-yellow-knees-of-liberty/

Hardly a literary prize winner. However, this post represents one of the most surreal nights of my life. I gained 6 points on my licence. I drove for 8 hours trying to reach the foooooooking 02 car park, so I could get on the tube from there, and continue the journey.

I thought I was gonna keel over, slumped onto the steering wheel, the stress was that immense!

English: Daewoo Matiz.

It was an important journey because reaching the destination was also, the only way to accertain just how loopy I was at the time. I lost 2 hub caps; peeeeeed in several inappropriate places in Central London; and at 5am I got out of the car to the 3rd copper ‘pulling me over’.

(Well; the 1st one didn’t pull me over; he wandered across to the driver’s side, after I nearly wiped him out of existence, kerb side! The curve crept up on me and I accidently half mounted the path at around 30mph; and I lost hub cap 1, right there)

Sorry, back to the 3rd copper

The buckle had indeed fell off of my belt; and, as I stood up to meet my maker from the Metropolitian Police Force, my jeans began to fall down!. He evicted me from London pronto; and issued a harsh warning about my narrow escape from a LIST of criminal charges. He ended the scene by asking me if I had a map? So I passed him the highly creased and stressed Atlas of Great Britain, circa 1988. He said ‘I don’t wnat it, I was asking if YOU had a map, for YOU”

If I went past the sign for Bow ONCE, which I can assure you I DID, I must of passed it 68 times! And my yellow/gold knees (aka Blanche), ended up stealing my liberty later anyway; by robbing me of £2000 in a year; fixing the beautiful little beast!

Beware the Daewoo Matiz…cute but costly, and akin to a pushchair; in terms of quality, build and road safety standards…

Thank You, Happy Birthday

When you

https://littlebeut333.wordpress.com/2011/04/05/when-you/

I do believe I was…’Einstein like’ with my wisdom in this ‘ere post.

You wanted! – Census of The Mind 2011

https://littlebeut333.wordpress.com/2011/04/27/you-wanted-census-of-the-mind-2011/

I chose this because I was born with anti-establishment DNA, and LORDY lord; I think my rant about the :-

“nosey, cheeky, exploitative, nosey, thieving, nosey, double standards, nosey, little pooey, “WHOOOOO do they think they are? Power crazy swindlers”

lasted 23.5 minutes. Passions fire…

Also, I had great dreams for this post

I imagined reams of snippets of people’s minds, flooding in like billio…reality then hit; and although the comments were somewhat thinner on the ground; they weren’t remotely thin in quality. This is my blogs version of a very cool time capsule of the mind. And the mind is my favourite thing; except for maybe kisses and laughing!

Life is A Stage and we are the Actors, Go learn your lines ‘Chameleon’s’

https://littlebeut333.wordpress.com/2011/05/28/life-is-a-stage-and-we-are-the-actors-go-learn-your-lines-chameleons/

When I started blogging, I had a dream 😉 My blog had a dream and Deena fulfilled it, for details please see her comment below the post.

Thank-you again…

Pelican 0 14 02.1350 3

As well as being the stuff of dreams for my pretty page and me toooo…

When I learnt this information from Goffman; it literally changed my life instantly! I was compelled to share the love…I think my jaw stayed on the floor for a week; and I spent 7 of the quietest days of my life; watching everyone; me dumbfounded; muttering

“Fuck me Goffman, you have just explained life in its entirety to me, and sent me out into the world with new eyes; they are seeing far more, than they did before.”

“Where are you? I’m not sure what to do with all this right information right now but…”

(Ohhhh let me/us ALL experiment…in ‘Deviating from the Script’)

Trust ‘The Goff’, the elite are always as uncomfortable with my altered script; as the nation was when Nick Griffin appeared on ‘Question Time’! Dum Dum Duuuuuuuum! And THEN, he said people of all skin colours were welcome in his vision for the nation!

Nick…

Here’s a flicked V for you; from my naughty rude page; not me; my page

Don’t put me on the ‘possible up riser’ list please

Oh it’s OK Nick, it was a peace sign! Sorry, it’s dark in here

Mothers, the Invisible Vilified Heroes of Humanity

https://littlebeut333.wordpress.com/2011/05/03/mothers-the-invisible-vilified-heroes-of-humanity/

English: Breastfeeding the baby.

Literally, I still cannot imagine anything more testing, difficult, thank-less, tiring, scary, selfless and ‘freedom quashing’ than motherhood. The older I get, the more I am in awe and amazement at the sacrifice women make every day, invisibaly bringing their kids up, right in front of our blind eyes.

I find it really sad that the care and love they give, is worth so little in our culture. I know not every-one is lucky enough to have an amazing mum, but my mum is the most fabulous gem on Gods Green Earth. She has given up everything for us; and my sister has done the same for her ‘Pops’.

I also chose this because my mum proudly sends it to everyone she knows (bless her), and she got all teary eyed when she read it. Which is nowt new as she is a bit of a weeper; but still, it was a special moment. And a rare opportunity to give her something back. Mothers Everywhere, I think you are just amazing.

Blood, Sweat (a little wee wee) and Tears of Laughter!

https://littlebeut333.wordpress.com/2011/06/17/blood-sweat-a-little-wee-wee-and-tears-of-laughter/

English: the beixo compact-7 folding bike in a...

It needs no further explanation past the title really; without doubt; one of the funniest experiences and viewings of my life. My entire massive family, know about Trent and her mind blowing accident on ‘The Hawk’. This never fails to make me laugh and I love reading it because; I just emptied the memory onto the page. Sometimes I re-live it here, I can absorb it’s moment without any effort from the re-call section of my brain

Lil Trissus, stay off the roads FOREVER pleeeeease

Revenge is a ‘reflex action’, This is why we are Screwed ‘til further notice

https://littlebeut333.wordpress.com/2011/07/28/revenge-is-a-reflex-action-this-is-why-were-screwed-til-further-notice/

English: Carving Knife Photographer: (L. B. Eh...

This was a bit of a learning curve in the making. Like all posts it began with a random thought and as I began writing, I realised I’d been ‘bitch slapped’ by fate, in order to grow past revenge. I had more experience in the field, than first thought!

And if anyone reads this, and finds themselves in the kind of deluded space I lived in (I’m still deluded, just differently now), feeling hurt all the time, and miserable. I hope this post shows them that maybe, just maybe, the way they are seeing things is not the way things are actually happening

It’s a tricky old path and the trouble with revenge is; when you decide to take it upon yourself to even the score. You are choosing to inflict pain or suffering on someone else, and if you believe in Karma even slightly, you need to see what you’re creating; all that pain is coming back your way. So really, it’s an exhausting no-brainer on all levels; It was a long and winding road, with plenty of side stepping! I can’t recommend the journey enough really.

Lived, Loved and Lost

Love Letters (Julie London album)

Anyone around in the early days of ze blog; may have read all about our great ‘Love’. Both our ‘rise and fall’ (and middle come to think of it) were touched upon here countless times; from an outside view, maybe a tad excessively? But the posts were nothing in quantity; not compared to the abundance of everything I had… when love lived here for a wee while.

For the first time in my life, I lived, loved and lost like a proper grown up.

He was such a big part of my life in this 1st year of Random Spillages, I can;’t comfortably leave this love off of the list, and I didn’t fancy re-reading posts from our ‘rise’

So you’re getting an entry from ‘Morose Town’. An extract from our ‘fall’

You could always visit the love category on my page if you’re interested in our rising love. I’ve been so busy being rageous, I didn’t really notice I’d calmed down. A bit of reflection later and; if he was ever to read this; I’d want him to know that I thank him, for everything…

The Circle of life rolls round AGAIN

https://littlebeut333.wordpress.com/2012/02/09/the-circle-of-life-rolls-round-again/

London Capsule

I like this post. It was a rare moment in my life when I felt proud of myself, and also, like I wanted to stand on my own throat for killing my Ukulele. But the philosophical little lamb within, loved this experience.

Because the subsequent ‘creating and destroying’ thought that followed, was a perfect match.

Also, I doooooo laugh at the picture of the foot (and as I am known for roaring at my own jokes sometimes)… I’ll admit I am tickled everytime I see

‘Not my foot, just a foot’.

I don’t know why it tickles me so greatly, but it does. Small minds and all that…

Ohhhhh Alby, Trust you to Nab the 100th Post position

https://littlebeut333.wordpress.com/2012/02/01/ohhhh-alby-trust-you-to-nab-the-100th-post-position/

English: Stella Artois sign

My amazing old step dad is cashing in on the fame list again. Ohhhhh Alby, first you steal my 100thy post position, and now you’re in my anniversary list on my blogs birthday!

Writing this was such a joy, and me and Trissus roared at all the memories for hours.

Now for the spooky bit!

The most memorable of his phrases, by far, was, “Can you see me, can you see me now?” And bugger me, as I was pressing the PUBLISH button on his post, an advert came on the TV for a film, and anyone who knows me will vouch for the fact that I am incapable of tuning into adverts. INCAPABLE! I see one a year, tops. But this loud (as they always are) trailer came on; and this guy stood in the middle of the screen and shouted right at me… ‘Can you see me?’

It freaked me right out

Oh and then there was a film on friday night, I think it was actually some sort of :- ‘Renegade the Movie’! Stop haunting me and nicking my baking trays you bugger! Love you

Cat Love, far more than one might think

https://littlebeut333.wordpress.com/2011/09/15/cat-love-far-more-than-one-might-think/

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A philosophical and humuorous lesson for us all in here I think,

And an ODE to my baby boys. I would be truly lost without Mr Shamone and Mr Rurch… and their Rhino styleeee head butts of devastation. They are still the ‘lights of my life’

English: Black and white cat with blue eyes

Forver Loved, Never Forgotten, Miss Amy Winehouse

English: Amy Winehouse at the Eurockéennes of 2007

Amy Amy Amy – Still the ‘Love of my Life’. I don’t feel that any poxy peeeeedly paragraph could ever do her justice, so I will pop the link here of some of her visual beauty… and shut up.

https://littlebeut333.wordpress.com/2012/02/01/forever-loved-never-forgotten-miss-amy-winehouse/

And there you have it, a few of the Random Spillages from this Reportedly Strange Mind. All of which are a little bit special, in my eyes anyway…

Dawny Xxx

Short Number 5 – ‘The Psychiatrist and his Educated Empathy’

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Rejection Therapy logo

“Am I ‘a character’, because I have character?”

Or?

“I think I’m scared”

“I don’t know what of”

“My emotions, my moods, maybe…”

Why?

“They’re so overwhelming; I’m not sure if I even have a base personality”

“Am I a real person?” Read the rest of this entry

‘Sadness’…

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Description: Trees were knocked down and burne...

A Natural Human Disaster

You are the pin that pops pretty balloons

You are the fist that takes the wind right out of my sails

You are a thief

You are the friend that no-body wants, the friend who whispers in your ear that things are really that bad

You burgle houses in the worst and most destructive way going

Your middle name is Twister

I don’t like you and I tell you this whenever I find you in my home, but still you keep coming.

You are everything in the field of viruses and disease

You eat away at the flesh of the internal Read the rest of this entry

Short Number 3 – “When?” (I’m nearly ‘up to date’ for my one a week, yay!)

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English: Angry woman.

It’s not just that you fool

There is a book to write, a degree to finish, an album to complete, I haven’t even started on project piano, and you know I have the theatre to consider, and the boys!

When am I supposed to find time to fucking love you

(50 words)

Short Number 2 – ‘Mellow Yellow’

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English: Yellow hard hat. Studio photography.
My bruises are most tender when they turn from purple to ‘mellow yellow’
There is nothing mellow about him when he comes at me in his favourite yellow shirt

I thought cowards were supposed to be yellow by nature

I loved yellow until you…

I was mellow until you

(48 words)

You and Celeste…

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Српски / Srpski: figura od papir-machea, Tatja...

The Love Letter

I wish I was her, just as much as you long to be him.

I try not to read it, but the temptation is often too great when I see it next to me on the telephone table,

I knew one day it would finally be there

And that it would say everything I ever wanted to hear…

But I still find it strange that you never wrote my name on it

To be her in your eyes, I would have to be so much more than I am. As much as the fantasist in me wants your tale as my existence; even if I had enough wonderful inside me to be half the woman she was, I just coudn’t fight to fix that piece of me…

Because, oh I’m so sorry, it’s because

I know that it will never make me happy,

There is every reason why it should; it completes most, but most I am not. Why does it destroy me with such ferocity? I can only guess that it is a poison to my destiny…

 

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Dear Funny Valentine…

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The Question Is What Is the Question?

Why gone so soon?

I still can’t believe you’re gone

As yet, it hasn’t got any easier; everyone tells you you’ll get better in time. Time apparently heals

So far though, over time, I think the sadness ebbs inwards, a little more each day

Every time I hear someone say they knew it was coming, or that it was no shock. I feel just as shocked as I did when the news was brand new. I listen to you every day and the uplifting effect you have, has become something indescribable with loss as company

Grief is normally selfish; we cannot cope with the hole that’s left. But with you, I am shattered when it crosses my mind that you will never be a mum. Shattered at the thought that you won’t get to share your divine talent until your vocal chords died of old age.

How your family and friends will ever even begin to step across the valley that formed in front of them, the moment you passed, I will never know. They are fighting the good fight in your name, but their eyes are just shot,

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