Category Archives: Rant

Why use words, if you can ‘Ram Raid’ instead?

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What is the world coming to?

Last night, I was having a little session with Amy and my stereo for about half an hour, I’ll grant you it wasn’t on the quietest volume; but it wasn’t excessively loud! AND I respect the 11pm rule of silence… even though I live at opposite ends of the time continuum to the rest of the world, and screaming children at 7am; and arguments about who is gonna do the milk trip, are just as destructive to my sleep patterns, as music is past 11pm, for the normal people

It was approximately 7pm when a mini earthquake struck my lounge!

Being as I’m psychotic at the moment, it wasn’t the best phenomena for me to ponder over…I seriously thought I had morphed into a whole new land of new insanity, when everything began shaking. NOTE – I turned the music down immediately to investigate the drama

I have a little cupboard directly behind my TV stand which houses my electricity and gas meters. The newish neighbours next door who are too rude to say hello, began smashing some kind of heavy weapon against their side of my cupboard. I’m not sure what their weapon was but the door on the cupboard was forcing its way into the room, and pushing my television off the stand inch by inch with every blow. The glass shelf under the TV fell down, DVDs flew in every direction…and THEN a fucking great lump of concrete FLEW outta the cupboard and landed on my GLASS TV stand! Read the rest of this entry

‘Psychosis is a necessity; for the emotional development of certain people’?(Moi, 2012)

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Love, Life and Feelings

I think it would be a fair generalisation to say that : – People who suffer from periods of psychosis, tend to be thinkers. Not just in bouts of insanity; but all the time…

I’ve just mind meandered onto this odd theory/definition of psychosis…

‘Psychosis is a necessity; for the emotional development of certain people’ 😉 (Moi, 2012)

Thinkers can fall into the trap of over thinking and under feeling. If you’re a thinker, you’re likely a problem solver… and before you know it, you’ve totally lost touch with your feelings because you’ve rationalised the shit out of; not feeling anything

But when delusions loom, in my experience…they are always intrinsically linked to 3 things

Fear/Terror

Shame

Pain

For me at least, these 3 categories cover everything that I choose not to dwell on as a thinker. Everything I don’t want to feel sits under these umbrellas… Read the rest of this entry

If you can’t get a life; At least reach for some thoughts…you ‘Bitter Buggers!’ ;)

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Revenge of the Zombies

Evolve people PLEASE! For Betty's Sake!

As a rule, I’m not a judgy person

I have an ability to see two sides of most situations; so when I see someone behaving like a twat, I can normally find some inner mercy for their idiot views/behaviours. Cos we’re all the way we are; because of where we’ve been and what happened when we got there!

However

My blind spot lies in my upbringing in Jolly Old Leytonstone. For all the many cultures I lived amongst, for all the differences I’ve bounced between, there was a steady message that permeated the lot in sunny East London, back in the day…

You DO NOT grass!

And you certainly DO NOT grass to the powers that be…

Unfortunately this little lesson didn’t reach 120 miles down the road

TRAGIC, in the eyes of Dawny…

During the last hose pipe ban in Norfolk, 35,000 people made the effort to sign onto the web, type in ‘Grass hotline number for Anglian Sewerage Co please’…and then they paid 20p to grass their next door neighbour up, for washing their car!

WTF??? Do any of you even know who has a hose pipe or an outside tap in your street? Read the rest of this entry

Necessary and tragic public note to self (Bilge Alert)

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La nueva Isobel

Dawny…

You have been typing bilge on your blog for 5 days now! 5 days!!!

You have been awake for too long, even by your standards

Life is not all about Indulgence, you have new responsibilities this year and you must step up. You are doing all work forms TODAY! TUESDAY!

Get off of Word Press until at least Friday morning

Go to the website your meant to be on all day, follow the links to the unseen activities and do some fooooooooking research into the coronary heart disease in Norfolk, or else you WLL FAIL the module.

Go to bed soon, you have 2 workmen coming into your world for 8 hours a day, for 5 long days. This makes you slightly insaner than normal; and you must prepare for the extra insanity by turning off this monitor!

You don’t know where the tea bags are, or the cat biscuits… and you need to find them both before 7am, and you need to take the 467 empty champagne bottles to the bottle bank before Mum gets here

You have a cold and no will power, and you need to go to the drop in centre for another asthma pump and some anti-biotics, before you get a bronchial infection and craps on the lungs, for the 3rd time in 3 months

Get a Grip…Go…Post this as a threat to yourself; and a continual reminder of your required abstinence here UNTIL Friday; and then shut me down!

And yourself!

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Now!

Farewell Bloggus-sphere…at least untill my will power cracks

The World, The Police, The Normal and The Surreal…

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A Metropolitan Police Service photographer fil...

For the last few weeks, I’ve been watching this series on policing in England; and needless to say, I’ve been shocked at some of the acts I’ve seen…varying from immense kindness to immense brutality

It seems we (British people) tolerate our policemen smashing the shit out of certain innocent people with metal bats; so long as they are ultra polite when they issue our speeding tickets; which they ALWAYS are!

Then I got to thinking about how much we take for granted as normal…ONLY because we’re used to it.

Thanks to Easy Jet and the birth of tiny toiletries, I was able to go on several cheapy cheap foreign adventures in the last few years. And I ran into the police on 2 of the 3 trips…

First, I went to Krakow in Poland and the gargantuan river Wisla was minutes away from bursting its banks when I arrived. There were sandbags, people and police everywhere; and camcorders! It seems it’s a bit of an entertaining event for the people of Krakow; watching the river swell til it’s too late to run away.

I for one, was getting out of there…

WELL; I dared to attempt to cross a very busy, ‘scarily wide’ road, and apparently; I was not meant to be there

The first I knew of this crime I’d committed, was when the police man I was standing ahead of, accelerated like the Stig (from Top Gear)…and launched his car at me full pelt… until the bumper was an inch from my knees. He then slammed the car to a halt, screeching brakes included; wound down his window; (as did the other Loony copper in the passenger seat) Read the rest of this entry

I avoided Motherhood, so Ms Karma sent me a ‘Rebel Ball’ instead ;/

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Red Ball Express (film)

From the archives of my mind

Back in the days…

I was a naughty, rebellious, authority despising, horrible little child. So I figured (early in life), if I re-produced, it would be a bad move. I thought Ms Karma would send me a child, ten times naughtier. But because Ms Karma is clever, my avoidance of the pain of ‘owning a rebel’; was over-ridden! She simply gave me a ‘Rebel Ball’ instead; for this lesson…and probably also as some kind of justice for my poor Mother :0

My RED bouncing ball…Do you own one too?

For each emotion I have a WHITE ball, a really bouncy one, and note… it bounces vertically only. The top to bottom of a bounce, covers a fair distance but I’m adjusted to this, and some bounces are fabulous, which makes their EXTENT both a blessing and a curse. Read the rest of this entry

I Miss You…(No hidden Insult Intended)

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‘I miss you’

I’ve noticed that this phrase, causes strange reactions in peopleThe Best of Missing Persons

I blame this reaction on the phenomena known as poxy ‘sub text’

Why do people hear I miss you and think you’re actually saying…You are neglecting me

Why do people hear I miss you and think you’re actually saying…You don’t make time for me anymore

Why do people hear I miss you and think you’re actually saying…We are growing apart

When I say I miss you…It’s because I miss you

And I miss you because I think you’re great; because I love talking to you; because I love that I am lucky enough to be able to call you my friend; because I appreciate your advice; because I love how you make me laugh; because I want to know how you are; because I am blessed to have you in my life…and because you are impossible to forget. Read the rest of this entry

Words are no use whatsoever really…Not for understanding!

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Juño is a word with great meaning, which only ...

Come Again Please?

Today’s random thoughts on ‘making sense’.

For every word of every language, there are multiple dictionary definitions, as well as the other definitions that are formed by our individual brains and experiences…

When discussing this earlier, this example explained the human ‘part’

Boy says…..’I’m shy’…..He says this with a whole host of memories, and feelings, and experiences, which have shaped his meaning of shy

Girl hears……’I’m shy’……She then processes this with her whole host of memories, and feelings, and experiences, which have shaped her meaning of shy

Their own understanding’s of ‘shy’ are different……as are the implications that the word ‘shy’ holds.

Now if every word has mass multiple definitions AND meanings, you then have to consider that people and their circles, naturally use words, with a COMPLETELY different meaning to the dominant and/or dictionary one’s, as they form their own little language communities. They then use these words OUTSIDE of their circles, when talking to people who have no idea WTF they meant by that 🙂

After all this confusion… Read the rest of this entry

The Curse of the Blogging Student…

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English: This is a cover of the novel, the curse.

Once you’ve been exposed to writing for your own, unrestrained narcissistic pleasure, your studies will be ruined FOREVER!

I used to enjoy the challenge of finding the ‘bestest’ and most eloquent phrases to explain my evidence

There was a day when I felt passion typing sentences like this :-

Dahlgren and Whiteheads diagram (Bird and Whitehead, 2012, p. 51) includes age, constitution and sex; drawing the powerful medical discourse, into the analysis. Marmot’s wide concept of the causes of health inequalities; allows all the evidence from different socioeconomic circumstances, to be considered in relation to health.

Until; the discovery of blogging. I found myself spreading my little writing wings, and I got to ramble on about sociology and Erving Goffman, whilst slipping in phrases such as ‘Trust the Goff’ and ‘He was one of the spangliest social thinkers ever to grace our pooey earth’…

AND

Now that I have experienced the joy of being able to write spangly in a sentence

Now that I’ve been exposed to the wonder of being allowed to wink when I’m writing…well; my essays of joy have become

DRY DRY DRY AND PAINFUL AND…DRY

In spite of all the bilge I write here, I have never been so drained and bored, reading my own shite, as I was this morning (hard to believe I know ;)) Read the rest of this entry

Bugger It! I’m moving to Russia, they love the occassional drop of ‘Red Mist’ ;)

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Angry Talk (Comic Style)

Beep Beep; you F****!"$ Beep

OK, today I had a mind meander onto anger, aggression and the queen of stifled anger, Ms Passivo Agressive-us. Here it is…

I was a rage filled teenager and we could argue all day over why I was angry; but only half of you would agree on these reasons as any sort of explanation

So I will just tell you that I was angry, pretty much all day, every-day, and I am not proud to say that I had many fights when I was young (younger sorry ;))

What is a bit strange is this…Even whilst I was fighting, I hated violence and I hated doing it, in the moment; and for all the damage I did with my feet, I was never able to punch anyone in the face.

Now, just seeing two people fight makes me feel physically sick!

But sometimes, I still do not have control. A few moths back, I was out drinking with my gals on a rare night out, we had just left this cool little pub that has a piano in it, and I busted out a dodgy rendition of ‘Yesterday’ on the untuned keys, we all sang, made a lot of noise, and ohhhhh we laughed and laughed. A bit like a scene from an old London pub from the ‘Hippy-Days’. It was a great night and I certainly wasn’t angry. Drink generally makes me tell people I love them until I fall asleep.

THEN Read the rest of this entry

Short Number 3 – “When?” (I’m nearly ‘up to date’ for my one a week, yay!)

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English: Angry woman.

It’s not just that you fool

There is a book to write, a degree to finish, an album to complete, I haven’t even started on project piano, and you know I have the theatre to consider, and the boys!

When am I supposed to find time to fucking love you

(50 words)

‘Almaz, you lucky lucky thing’ – Sorta Song Review

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Cover of "A Small Part of Me"

She's the flowers, the wind and spring...

My boss has requested a review on a song, from a personal stand point. I have chosen to write about

Almaz by Randy Crawford

It’s strange listening to it with purposeful but analytical ears. Naming the pieces of the journey that it takes me on has been really quite moving, so thank you for the request…

I absolutely adore the piano, and this song is also one of my Mum’s all time favourites,

She would play it every Saturday full blast and I remember so clearly her passion when she sang along, with a voice almost as beautiful.

I see now that the warmth of it comes largely with the association with my Mum. When she sings she is most free, and I would watch her disappear until she was totally inside the song, her small release from the outside she had to endure.

The first 8 bars of that piano take me back to the feelings of Saturday mornings. The security of the chaos that ensued as the 3 of us played up while Mum pulled out the chairs, and asked us to lift up our feet so she could get the Hoover in the gap; then I remembered how ‘ickle’ I was; and that it was ages before I was included in the ‘lift your feet up club’

The piano and the warm security, if I close my eyes, it takes just 4 bars and I am back there

And then I am taken to school, trumpet lessons with my unforgettable music teacher. Read the rest of this entry

National Express Thought Spillage 7

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The final part to my seven-ogy!

Procrastination

Procrastination AGAIN!

And then I will get on with my allocated writing tasks from my boss/pimp (I’m 6 weeks late), which is nothing new for me!

Anyway

Here’s the finaleee, it’s pretty crap really which is a shame as it’s a series finisher, I should have thought out this ‘natural order thing’ more thoroughly…

Anyway I shall begin…

Reading about procrastination this evening, has got me thinking about impulsivity. Apparently the two go hand in hand, and impulsivity prevents us from doing what we need/want to do. (I get this, totally; and as I type bilge instead of doing LIFE, and I am the epitome of an impulsive procrastinator, BUT…)

I’ve just had a quick flick through my thinking/action processes, to assess which decisions I’ve made impulsively and which were rational, and this is where I came unstuck

Impulsivity is a mofo for making me procrastinate

BUT Impulsivity is also the ONLY thing that stops me procrastinating and starts me moving Read the rest of this entry

Oh Cameron…Did you really just say that?

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Of all the people to re-ignite my long-winded fire…

David Pooey Cameron

English: David Cameron, Prime Minister of the ...
Come again Cammy Boy? FAIR???

In reference to capping benefits at X amount of £’s, because there are people at home doing NOTHING (The lady being interviewed would be one of those affected by the new cap and the child benefit reforms, and she is mid way through doing the ‘nothingness’ it takes to rear 5 children; all the things she does to ensure their lives are safe! everyday). Defining this ‘life work’ as NOTHING is perhaps a more fundamental problem for ‘child benefit AND housing benefit’; than the problem of which family to rob first.

It seems Slavery (for parents this era) is back on the ‘forward thinking’ agenda!

Anyway…

He ‘toffed out’ his disgust that a person at home, should never ever be getting the equivalent of a £35k salary, after tax!

Which equates to around £28,000

Which is a lot of money!

(Like Parents, Surgeons are responsible for the safety of multiple humans every day, and I think they get a little more than 35k a year)

BUT…

Single people who are unemployed people do not get £28,000!

Single people get about £57 a week to live, and pay all bills bar rent.

NOTE the significance of rent in his plans… Read the rest of this entry

Never under-estimate the Joy that can be found in “Sickness”

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helping sarah

Image by kat st kat via Flickr

Writing this actually proper hurt my brain. I had to think so hard to get this bloody lot out! I can’t bear scrolling down it one more time, so here it comes…

The deeply embedded idea that both science and medicine provide us with solid facts about disease and the physical world, is BULL CRAP!

When push comes to shove, for every truth you buy into, someone else will have been busy dis-believing it and proving it too. Evidence has officially never been so useless…

Or sought after

;///

And we are told to believe experts! Well if they can’t make their bleeding minds up about what causes the a) and what thing solves the b) and where oh where c) really did come from. Why would we believe any of them?

Knowledge is learning everything about something; and knowing that nothing you’re learning is fact, more an insight into someone else’s surety around one ambiguous idea/topic. Read the rest of this entry

I don’t know what to call this…

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Masked.

Image by .Andi. via Flickr

A glass of repetition with some ice please,

A coolant for the burning in my chest,

How many different ways can I say the same thing,

I speak my words, I can’t fathom how you function,

I am sickened by your reactions,

Pained and broken by your words, but mostly, from exposure to your thoughts,

I see inside you when you speak at peak, and the truth has rocked my world,

 

All I asked was be there in the rough times,

You played it really well when they were bumpy but well peppered with divine,

Your soul is well intended but you are blind,

Now I see the you behind the mask.. A mask I knew existed some time ago,

I waited and prepared for the viewing but…

Read the rest of this entry

The Black Rock and The White Hard Place…BPD!

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White&black

Image via Wikipedia

More jolly i’m afraid; from current Mrs Jolly Pants (Moi)…

There is an illness out there called ‘Borderline Personality Disorder’ (borderline refers to being on the border of neurosis and psychosis) and the very route of addressing the problems that come with this disorder can only START; AFTER this universally shared trait of the illness is dealt with…

People with BPD; when they feel in danger… with no awareness whatsoever that they are doing it…automatically think the worst first; believe it as truth; and roll with the emotions that ‘the worst’ produces.

An example on a small teeny tiny scale is…I send a text to someone (who I fear may be placing my love for them in danger) and they don’t reply for three hours. My FIRST AUTOMATIC assumption for their silence is either, they hate me, they are dead, they are busy slagging me off, they read my text and thought ‘oh do one you dramatic wench, you irritate me’ etc etc

Now, when you go to therapy, they first tell you that although these assumptions are possible and sometimes correct in life, it is just as possible that they may have had no battery, they fell asleep, they read it when they looked at their phone and text you straight back…

Then you nod and think Bollox 😉 Read the rest of this entry

Lived, Loved and Lost…

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Broken Heart

Image by hyperion327 via Flickr

Where do I start

What do you do when someone you love has done things to you that have rendered you incapable of trusting them, but you know they have done these things without any malice or awareness, let alone intent?

What do you do when you know they are a wonderful person, but also not the person you thought they were?

What do you do when someone has broken your heart over and over and over, but you know they did none of it intentionally?

What do you do when they can’t see why they have broken you?

What do you do when someone has lied to you, sometimes to protect you and sometimes not, but lied often enough, that you wanna believe their words of grandeur, but you can’t even believe their tiny words anymore? Read the rest of this entry

Love light, Fall soft…or listen and fall UNCONSCIOUS!!

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Cover of "The Other Half"

Cover of The Other Half

So much advice

Be vulnerable, be scared, have pieces missing from your puzzle,
Pieces that those who love you can fill with their own funny shaped cardboard sections,
Be weaker, be softer, forgive more, learn to bend

So she did,

Currently she is half naked, with only some of her limbs intact and even less of her heart and soul,
She is so soft that now when she tries to walk without your cardboard, she just falls over. Read the rest of this entry

Rantus Momentus from 1,2 and/or 7

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Crazy (Gnarls Barkley song)

Image via Wikipedia

Life is a BITCH!!!

I have worked my ass off for years, trying to build bits in my brain that draw my perception of reality somewhere more in line with the average person (chortle chortle at the idea of an ‘average’ person (do you know any? ;)). Back in the day ‘average’ was a mathematical term, which needed to stay where it belonged in my humble opinion; defining numbers not people) anyway, back onto the other rage filled track I was on…

As I was saying, years I’ve worked my ass off, and I’ve lost it again. I only know this because I’ve just had a conversation with my best friend who has gently filled me in on the levels of my vile spitting tongue and the extremes of my warped mind processes. Apparently the levels are previously unseen. It would take me 14 years to explain the following statement properly but i’m sure you can still apprecite it’s pooey-ness…he kindly said Read the rest of this entry