I would be too big at the back
I would have inconsistent and inexplicable oil needs
Prone to breakdowns during short haul journeys
My battery would be flat often, for no fathomable reason
Every MOT would be filled with never before seen malfunctions
I would accelerate prematurely (formula one styleeee) with ba mere tap on the gas pedal Read the rest of this entry
As I pondered over my uber-shit sailing skills, I almost felt incompetent until I remembered never applying for the job 😉
The Sea petrifies me, so I’m hopping off deck (soon)
A Sailor! As if !! (SCoff Scoff Scoff Old Chum)
(Ooops, missed some of that call, just heard Noah shouting star something??? I couldn’t hear him over the 2 tigers roaring)
So, I spotted the nearest star and spun the ship rooooond towards it
As I notice 3,000 other stars with a quick whip of the neck, worry sets in
I panic, but then look down at my T-Shirt and see ‘Keep Calm and Go West’
The Co-ordinates and/or compass points are not my forte, so I listened to the team onboard instead, they were singing a 4 part harmony of the classic Welsh anthem ‘Newport’…The Welshie solo’d the line ‘concrete jungle where dreams are made of’ and I hollered
Follow that Green Peace Man to Star
In that sweet moment, I’d realised my buried dream of being a sea-captain! But only if the boats swim sideways…Safety People!
Working slap bang in the middle of the city centre is depleting my tiny savings pot, at a ‘rapido’ rate
Shoes Shoes Shoes
I am obsessed, I have just purchased the cutest pair of shoes I think I’ve ever seen. Check ’em out, they’re called Gracie incase you wanna talk to them.
They remind me of Minnie Mouse and those black and white checked dresses from the 60’s
I’d go as far as to say they are orgasmic!
The trouble is, when I buy a pair of NEW SHOES 🙂 I wear them around the house, normally with my tracky bottoms or pyjamas; and I like to do this for at least 2 weeks after purchasing them
However, I have bought 4 pairs in the last 2 weeks (I have no self-control at the mo)…and I don’t know which one’s to gush over first
Ohhhhhh the problems!!!
All is well now (you can stop worrying ;))…I’m back, I’ve lined them all up in the lounge in front of me and I’m ‘twizling’ my foot, not just any foot, my foot.. Read the rest of this entry
“I’m not crying”
Mrs Leaky, In all her glory!
“Yes you are, you’ve been crying for days”
“It’s not me”
“I have another personality you see”
“Meet tap…Leaking tap”
“I’ll get you a new washer”
“Don’t bother, they all snap with the pressure, we don’t install them anymore”
(“This little tap of mine, i’m gonna let it cry, let it cry, let it cry, let it crrrrry”!)
(62 words) (woops)
What is the world coming to?
Last night, I was having a little session with Amy and my stereo for about half an hour, I’ll grant you it wasn’t on the quietest volume; but it wasn’t excessively loud! AND I respect the 11pm rule of silence… even though I live at opposite ends of the time continuum to the rest of the world, and screaming children at 7am; and arguments about who is gonna do the milk trip, are just as destructive to my sleep patterns, as music is past 11pm, for the normal people
It was approximately 7pm when a mini earthquake struck my lounge!
Being as I’m psychotic at the moment, it wasn’t the best phenomena for me to ponder over…I seriously thought I had morphed into a whole new land of new insanity, when everything began shaking. NOTE – I turned the music down immediately to investigate the drama
I have a little cupboard directly behind my TV stand which houses my electricity and gas meters. The newish neighbours next door who are too rude to say hello, began smashing some kind of heavy weapon against their side of my cupboard. I’m not sure what their weapon was but the door on the cupboard was forcing its way into the room, and pushing my television off the stand inch by inch with every blow. The glass shelf under the TV fell down, DVDs flew in every direction…and THEN a fucking great lump of concrete FLEW outta the cupboard and landed on my GLASS TV stand! Read the rest of this entry
How Rude! 🙂
I’ve made up a game; as I’m 33 years old I’m gonna call it a writing challenge
Please come and play with me; word-pressers of the world
The Rules to each TEN LINE TOOTY
- Choose ten random sentences, from your last ten posts (1 from each)
- Put them together in date order (newest at the top) and then you have to make a coherent story out of them, with as few fill words as possible!
- Highlight the random sentences in your post
I will be the marker…I’m a very nice marker 😉 (I joke)
Play play yay?
Here’s my first shot at a TEN LINE TOOTY! (I’ll stick these on my Dawny’s mini seriessss page when I’ve stopped wallowing in mental health pity!)
The Third Meeting for NHS Service Users and Healthcare Professionals
1) The discussion of the new ‘anti loon’ pills trial
2) The current side effects of arthritic medication
3) The Art donations for the month
Persons Present – Dr Hall, Dr Pratrowski (assisting Dr Hall). Services Users Annie; Brenda; Sarah; Amy; and Harry Read the rest of this entry
I think it would be a fair generalisation to say that : – People who suffer from periods of psychosis, tend to be thinkers. Not just in bouts of insanity; but all the time…
I’ve just mind meandered onto this odd theory/definition of psychosis…
‘Psychosis is a necessity; for the emotional development of certain people’ 😉 (Moi, 2012)
Thinkers can fall into the trap of over thinking and under feeling. If you’re a thinker, you’re likely a problem solver… and before you know it, you’ve totally lost touch with your feelings because you’ve rationalised the shit out of; not feeling anything
But when delusions loom, in my experience…they are always intrinsically linked to 3 things
For me at least, these 3 categories cover everything that I choose not to dwell on as a thinker. Everything I don’t want to feel sits under these umbrellas… Read the rest of this entry
Of all the Amy Winehouse footage to cause a wave of disapproval, this video sits up there with best of them
In order to see the beauty that I see in this scene, you must first remove the judgements you already have about Crack and its use (although it is worth noting that Crack is probably the most likely drug to cause aggression). If you can’t remove your judgements; try swopping the word crack for wine (which also causes aggressive outbursts)
And re-classify her status more loosely; as a little bit ‘worse for wear’ (legally of course)
Then check out the video Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty on drugs – YouTube.
Or read the manuscript below, complete with stage cues and action descriptions
What I see is : – heart, endless wit, depth of passion, fun, boundless amounts of life, imagination, creativity, laughter, beauty, friendship, a unique and highly sweet soul, the interaction of two friends, love, vulnerability, fascination, curiosity, loyalty, care and protection…This is what I see, black fingers or no black fingers. Can you?
(Amy is in green, Pete in orange, Both together in red)
Amy collects a box of baby mice from the back of the room Read the rest of this entry
“I know I said you should always accept gifts graciously darling”
“Yes yes, I know I said you should keep them too”
“But there’s always one; one exception to the rule”
“Darling, it doesn’t go with the wallpaper, sorry”
“Would you like some sweeties instead my little cherub?”
Evolve people PLEASE! For Betty's Sake!
As a rule, I’m not a judgy person
I have an ability to see two sides of most situations; so when I see someone behaving like a twat, I can normally find some inner mercy for their idiot views/behaviours. Cos we’re all the way we are; because of where we’ve been and what happened when we got there!
My blind spot lies in my upbringing in Jolly Old Leytonstone. For all the many cultures I lived amongst, for all the differences I’ve bounced between, there was a steady message that permeated the lot in sunny East London, back in the day…
You DO NOT grass!
And you certainly DO NOT grass to the powers that be…
Unfortunately this little lesson didn’t reach 120 miles down the road
TRAGIC, in the eyes of Dawny…
During the last hose pipe ban in Norfolk, 35,000 people made the effort to sign onto the web, type in ‘Grass hotline number for Anglian Sewerage Co please’…and then they paid 20p to grass their next door neighbour up, for washing their car!
WTF??? Do any of you even know who has a hose pipe or an outside tap in your street? Read the rest of this entry
This is the definition of osmosis : – The gradual, often unconscious, absorption of knowledge or ideas through continual exposure rather than deliberate learning
How bizarre that I didn’t know what it meant until today; but the phrase ‘osmosis psychosis’ has been playing in my head; in notes A and C respectively…for hours.
It is so bizarre being in this state. It’s not like the movies, I’m fully here; but I don’t see the same things as you do here. I’m not talking about visions and colours and dragons upon the walls
I’m talking a shift in perception to the reality we share
And then there are other realities; they vary in number and severity and mood each time. This time there are 4 others
They involve the flu jab for staff who are in on the plan; some kind of connection to the injection of cancer into patients through the innocuous guise of a necessary injection Read the rest of this entry
Caressed in a Fortress
Obsessed, Suppressed, Distressed, Blessed, Depressed
Stressed, Countless, Boundless, Fearless, Princess
3 years on, she was…An essayed out mess
At the end
They said she got a something… ‘ology’!; I think
Psy? or Bi?… I think
I thought she clearly deserved an ‘essed’!
Just my opinion…;)
Soul Versus Mind Versus Heart – Rounds 1, 2, 3 and 4
When you try
When you really try
It is simply astounding, the amount we CAN CHOOSE to forget (mind wins)
But one day; one day; life will catch your professional soul off guard (soul wins…the soul does not forget; what the heart and mind try to filter out)
So; you will remember Read the rest of this entry
Catch me if meow can Mother Fucker!
The predator came again (yawn)
The Hunter, The Stalker, The Trier, The God of the Web Pilferer’s…The Leader of the Western Plates
But; where oh where was the prize?
“She’s a quick as a fucking cat that one”
Overhearing the Peast, she meow’d with delight and ran…
“Catch me if meow can”
You have been typing bilge on your blog for 5 days now! 5 days!!!
You have been awake for too long, even by your standards
Life is not all about Indulgence, you have new responsibilities this year and you must step up. You are doing all work forms TODAY! TUESDAY!
Get off of Word Press until at least Friday morning
Go to the website your meant to be on all day, follow the links to the unseen activities and do some fooooooooking research into the coronary heart disease in Norfolk, or else you WLL FAIL the module.
Go to bed soon, you have 2 workmen coming into your world for 8 hours a day, for 5 long days. This makes you slightly insaner than normal; and you must prepare for the extra insanity by turning off this monitor!
You don’t know where the tea bags are, or the cat biscuits… and you need to find them both before 7am, and you need to take the 467 empty champagne bottles to the bottle bank before Mum gets here
You have a cold and no will power, and you need to go to the drop in centre for another asthma pump and some anti-biotics, before you get a bronchial infection and craps on the lungs, for the 3rd time in 3 months
Get a Grip…Go…Post this as a threat to yourself; and a continual reminder of your required abstinence here UNTIL Friday; and then shut me down!
Farewell Bloggus-sphere…at least untill my will power cracks
For the last few weeks, I’ve been watching this series on policing in England; and needless to say, I’ve been shocked at some of the acts I’ve seen…varying from immense kindness to immense brutality
It seems we (British people) tolerate our policemen smashing the shit out of certain innocent people with metal bats; so long as they are ultra polite when they issue our speeding tickets; which they ALWAYS are!
Then I got to thinking about how much we take for granted as normal…ONLY because we’re used to it.
Thanks to Easy Jet and the birth of tiny toiletries, I was able to go on several cheapy cheap foreign adventures in the last few years. And I ran into the police on 2 of the 3 trips…
First, I went to Krakow in Poland and the gargantuan river Wisla was minutes away from bursting its banks when I arrived. There were sandbags, people and police everywhere; and camcorders! It seems it’s a bit of an entertaining event for the people of Krakow; watching the river swell til it’s too late to run away.
I for one, was getting out of there…
WELL; I dared to attempt to cross a very busy, ‘scarily wide’ road, and apparently; I was not meant to be there
The first I knew of this crime I’d committed, was when the police man I was standing ahead of, accelerated like the Stig (from Top Gear)…and launched his car at me full pelt… until the bumper was an inch from my knees. He then slammed the car to a halt, screeching brakes included; wound down his window; (as did the other Loony copper in the passenger seat) Read the rest of this entry
Girls, do you think I'm in there or what?
Little girls play this game;
They played it when I was tiny; I played it when I was tiny; and they still play it now…
They pick a flower from the ground, and one after the other; they pull off every petal
Each time they tear away a pretty petal, from its life force…
They say the words
He loves me!?…
He loves me not!?
He loves me!?…
He loves me not!?
Personally, I think this game speaks volumes about how girls and boys view love.
(Alert – Huge sweeping generalisation or two, on the way) Read the rest of this entry
The very worst…of the human condition?
It’s just pain
You’ve lived it before
And you will, again
Now; you have no excuse for not doing everything you ever dreamed of
‘I said go out there and get hurt…And please don’t forget to enjoy the ride’
Whoever decided to name the common cold a cold, was obviously
A) As hard as nails
B) An idiot!
A foooooking cold ay?
Before I begin the analysis; please note that I have 2 full time, full on diseases. I won’t bore you with the details, just know that I’m noooo pussy 😉
Oh My Lordy Lord!!!
I have been bitch slapped to the ground with this mini ‘health-arama’; known as a cold
I am not cold, I am burning up
I have been coughing for the last 7 hours or so, solid. This has well and truly heated up both :- the tissue on my lungs; and my temper. As I’m slightly tired and sleep deprived…
But still not cold
I am ‘buckarooing’ all over the show, every time I cough or sneeze (every 10 seconds or so) and again, this increased activity is warming me up somewhat! STILL NOT COLD
I am surrounded by tissues. Some are dry and some are wet. None are cold Read the rest of this entry
I’d had enough by the 7th day
All I wanted to do was get home; you know how it is when you start to miss home.
I went to my favourite cafe, ignored everyone, and ate exactly the same ingredients as I did in that Spanish cafe