On a recent coach trip, I recorded a little series of thought trails and they evolved into ‘The National Express Thought Spillages’ – The seven-ogy!
(I also have a whole years worth of ‘shorts’ to write so I thought i’d have a little spot for them (more details of this writing challenge to follow))
Also, the coach trip has given me several ideas for some story telling (a new writing meander for me); and i’m writing a very odd old piece now that will be arriving here soon!
Once I figure out the Computer logistics of moving squit from one page tut another…
SERIES 1 – The National Express Series…
SERIES 2 – Amy Winehouse The Obsession Grows ( sorry but this is not a link! ;), you have to plain old scroll down, on this page, past one series to get tut ‘nother)
SERIES 3 – ‘Writing Challenge 1 2012’ – THE SHORTS SERIES (again, sorry, no link, you must scroll for details of this task from my Pimp)
I have just got home from a coach trip of around 3 hours, and my trusty phone caught several spillages on the ride, which started well; due to a truly hilarious flight story (which I shall be documenting with shocked joy and be/amusement soon). So anyway, to follow are the spillages from my phone/tonights pen and paper.
Oh and It’s marvellous to be back BTW I have missed interacting in the world of wordpress and I’ve missed my pretty swirly page, though I’ve been reading some true treasures from you guys that I follow (Geraldine files are AMAZING Ingers), and ALL your gems have got me through some dark times. So thank-you pressers; and I hope all readers of my ‘National Express Spillages’ either mildly enjoy or despise these little snippets from my once again overactive mind, welcome to tonights journey
…on the National Expressssss (you can sing the last line ‘like the song’ if you so wish) Go On!!!
There are 7 in all, and they will all be here very shortly…
Here be the first 3…
“A small amount of delusion in ones psyche, is not only desired, but required in order to realise ones dreams.”
(Quick Insert – Don’t ask me where the ‘ones’ popped from, I haven’t turned posh! )
The 5 positions available will be filled by the 5 graduates who are insane enough to believe their skills make them the perfect superior choice for the job.
Whilst the 946 other perfect and superior graduates who were blown out, we’re simply all too aware of the tendency to fail, simply due to odds. They are sane enough to spot the bottle neck before their breathing restricts.
Opportunities are not over-flowing from the pot of reality.
But rainbows made of gold are very much a reality in at least one insane humanoid, somewhere on this giant globe.
Life is a funny old thing, where it seems the more I learn, the more I realise the only way to achieve personal success, is to maintain a healthy amount of insanity in the way you view the world. If life itself wasn’t so damn odd, these ideas might seem bizarre, but to me, they make perfect sense.
I am not known for my ability to make travel connections. Usually because I fall asleep in airport lounges and train stations! I’ve tried getting my friends and family to call at the appropriate ‘please save my ass’ times, but the ringing of a mere mobile phone does not wake this beast and my poor Mother sweats and worries as she awaits the call, giving her:-
The new destination
The new ETA
And at times requesting she send official documentation to Embassies!
This irritating habit is well, bloody irritating for want of a better phrase; costly; and at times, panic inducing!
NOT THIS TIME! I left for Aberdeen airport armed with my ‘bell alarm clock’ (geniusly protected with my groovy new leg warmers)
As I’m sure you know, the decibels kicked out by these LARGE ‘old school wake up clocks’, are enough to get the job done, however, sitting in the departure lounge awake and reading, with one in your lap; is mildly embarrassing !
But I was determined to make it home at my allocated 5.30am, whatever the cost
Welllll….You can only imagine my elation at finding a kind funny bus driver who ‘Hot Footed’ it tut Cambridge to try to get me on the EARLY and unknown to me bus, (saving me a 3 hour wait on the my ass in the cold, in the middle of Cambridge)
And he only Fooooking made it! Connection heaven!
For the first time in my life, I arrived home 3 hours early and the coach stopped 1 MINUTE from my door!!!!
(Insert – I have no idea why Zamenta has decided i’m talking about the joy of babies, but there are many of them suggested, so I thought…Why not!)
I did my usual of packing my study books with the deluded goal of completing an entire weeks work on the commute across land and sea! I read two chapters on the way, and all was going well, and I planned to read another two on the leg home. Except I didn’t, cos as I verbalised my plan, I could feel my impulsive little missy saying “Fuck that Dawny, do something pleasurable instead”.
So the trip to WHSmiths for a drink was actually me spotting the book stand and guiding my missy to the bait! A quick scan left me with only one option that caught my eye, and I bought it without more than 2 seconds thought.
It was a good few pages before I spotted the irony of my purchase
It is entitled ‘The Procrastination Equation’ (Chortle Chortle )
I’ll let you know if it worked once I find the motivation to finish reading it, now I have the pleasures of home nearing…
If my life expectancy was 864 years, I would be truly immense!
Some might say it isn’t safe, not on my mind, and maybe not for my actual physical existence.
Some might say I visited a place called danger in the physical world, and I collected a citizen from the city centre.
But there are others
… that say my mind took the citizen to a place called the edge of danger, on the corner of terror, and it is
these other people who would be correct.
So if I say that I feel happier and safer in those 2 minds and shapes; than in many other places that I’ve visited, I think that would make me a wee bit crazy!
And maybe I’m even crazier than crazy for knowing this; because to know this, I had to revisit the most dangerous places I’ve yet to discover, I had to, in order to test my theory
I am a risky little Missy sometimes!
As I said, life really is a funny old thing! And me, I might just be a funny old thing too
What is life without risk? Answer – Nothing-ness
And what is life with risk? Answer – Possibly the loss of life itself
Which is one of the few inevitables we don’t get to debate about anyway!
So with this in mind, take my hand and sing with me…’I’ll take the high road and you take the low road… dah dah dah dah dah dahhhhhh dah!
Well well well
I never know when the Queen of bilge will awaken from hibernation, but it would seem she is back after a rather long hiatus from random thinking. She has had a large amount of sulking to do in light of recent events, and it seems the random button is deactivated when there is a sulking to be done!
Oh how I’ve missed you, my random thought trains and the subsequent drivvel that spills from your hub!
My internal random passing thoughts are intrinsic to the health of my soul;
So I announce with great joy that my random button has activated itself once more. My soul is mended and has rejoined my scatty brain and ageing heart again! Yay
Welcome home my soul, I am one morose bitch without you…
They say ‘True Love’ lasts a lifetime, and I know this not to be true, per se.
Some ‘true loves’ last for a period of our lifetime; and maybe these could still be defined loosely as a lifetime; because as we come to the end of them, sometimes we’ve changed so much, and the love has turned into something else, something lesser. This kind of ending can close a whole lifetime’s worth of chapters. And in moving on, it kind of feels like you are indeed, starting out again. Back in Nappies and crying for a dummy, some calpol and warm miiilllllk!
So maybe there are ‘true loves’ that last a (mini/maxi/period/chapter) lifetime, maybe they do count too, or maybe not…
But some ‘true loves’, well I think they must last a whole lifetime…22 years is a long time thus far.
You will not remember the scene in the same way I do, I will never forget the intensity of her pain as she desperately tried to control both her breathing; and the volume of the sounds escaping from her, I have never heard anybody cry in this way, I’ve never seen anybody cry like this ever. Her legs were giving way underneath her, not in a dramatic way, but her knees were continuously quivering… a physical reaction to the tangible way in which she was buckling under the weight of her insides breaking. Every few seconds she would heave another
She loved him, but she had no idea quite how much until the moment…
It was at this moment in my life that I realised grief at this level, is something rarely felt or witnessed,
The power of the emotion in the scene against the cobbled wall with a rickety red garage door,
16 minutes of raw heart breaking ‘hard to watch’ pain. And not a word uttered.
He could not look at her, he knew if he did, he’d be darker for it. Forever.
As her heart shattered into thousands of pieces, and her mind, body and senses all malfunctioned with grandeur under the crushing agony in her chest, she had forgotten how to breathe and stand and silence herself. But she still remembered why she was falling apart… because she would love him forever, this pain would fade but remain, forever.
And she still loves him. He is the lifetime that surpasses all changes and seasons, all damage and reasons. He is ‘true love’; because he holds in his heart and hands the truest love that another owns.
Love at first sight, that has lasted 22 years (and counting) cuts through all those different lifetimes, chapters and periods of starting a-new!(discussed above)
Why?? (IS this the key to the real ‘Sha-bang lifetime True Love secret’???). They simply love the intrinsic part of each other that stays steady in the soul, with all of Its immovable and fixed characteristics. He continues to evolve as a person, and she does too, and in their story they weave in many different directions; yet no matter which direction they go in, their love does not waver. It Grows.
They have given up everything for each others welfare and happiness, and they continue to do so whenever needed, period. Without question, and absent of any expectations. All done so with a beauty that cannot be explained, even with all the words in the world to choose from…
Is it because true love lies in loving JUST the essence, the soul?
Research continues as they enter their 23rd year, so I guess at best, we shall have one qualitative piece of evidence, (other than Prince Charming and Cinderella ) of two people who fell in love at first sight and it only went and lasted forever!
Time (and period updates) will slowly tell out this quite rare story of love; I am blessed just to have a window that looks ‘into it’.
The final part to my seven-ogy!
And then I will get on with my allocated writing tasks from my boss/pimp (I’m 6 weeks late), which is nothing new for me!
Here’s the finaleee, it’s pretty crap really which is a shame as it’s a series finisher, I should have thought out this ‘natural order thing’ more thoroughly…
Anyway I shall begin…
Reading about procrastination this evening, has got me thinking about impulsivity. Apparently the two go hand in hand, and impulsivity prevents us from doing what we need/want to do. (I get this, totally; and as I type bilge instead of doing LIFE, and I am the epitome of an impulsive procrastinator, BUT…)
I’ve just had a quick flick through my thinking/action processes, to assess which decisions I’ve made impulsively and which were rational, and this is where I came unstuck
Impulsivity is a mofo for making me procrastinate
BUT Impulsivity is also the ONLY thing that stops me procrastinating and starts me moving
I know on some level, the things I want and need to do, big and small
And I do these things, in random order and sometimes my time management goes a bit up the wall admittedly, but if I didn’t impulsively hop in the car at 4am to the 24hr Tesco, I would have no loo roll or ketchup in times of crisis!
In fact, if I didn’t impulsively move, I could possibly mould right into my sofa, all ‘muscle wastaged up’
I don’t think I’m in denial here, or trying to be clever by tipping Dr Piers theory on its head but he clearly defines and proves it as a negative in the equation, where as I see my impulsive behaviour as often positive, rational, and also as a driver, not a disabler
Dr Piers is clearly well versed and educated in the subject and I am defiantly not; and he makes a valid argument for the way these 2 concepts intermingle. And his argument is totally valid, except when applied to my odd mind/behaviour patterns.
Finally, why can I not read any book without disagreeing with the theory 20 pages in?
I don’t mean to be an argumentative little beast,
Does anyone else suffer from action derived impulse pole shift disorder? ;/
And does this make any sense at all ?
Dum Dum Dummmmmm…
The end of 3 hours on the National Expressssssss…
I hope you enjoyed the series
SERIES 1 – Fineeeeto
SERIES 2 BEGINS ere! – Amy Amy Amy
As yet, it hasn’t got any easier; everyone tells you you’ll get better in time. Time apparently heals
So far though, over time, I think the sadness ebbs inwards, a little more each day
Every time I hear someone say they knew it was coming, or that it was no shock. I feel just as shocked as I did when the news was brand new. I listen to you every day and the uplifting effect you have, has become something indescribable with loss as company
Grief is normally selfish; we cannot cope with the hole that’s left. But with you, I am shattered when it crosses my mind that you will never be a mum. Shattered at the thought that you won’t get to share your divine talent until your vocal chords died of old age.
How your family and friends will ever even begin to step across the valley that formed in front of them, the moment you passed, I will never know. They are fighting the good fight in your name, but their eyes are just shot,
there is none of that sparkle or purpose when I see them speak now; just pain and grief that doesn’t subside with time. You really did think that you were no good, which was half of your charm I guess. You couldn’t see your own wonder or talent, blind to such astounding spirit from within. The purity of these tendencies in you, made you transparent and magnetic in equal measure.
I can’t believe you won’t carry on lighting up my heart and my feet, with new masterpieces galore.
I don’t know why it was your time to go; I can find no sense in it. I think in time you could have found a way to hold onto your pain for the sake of your talent, without being consumed by your own intensity.
I don’t even really have an explanation that justifies why I should be in such pain, we never met…
I think, you were just so special, too special not to have made some mini you’s. I have no doubt in my mind about the mother you would have been. Even when they tried to submerge you in the fakery of ‘that world’, you never wavered. You didn’t change and you never doubted your dreams of having a family
In one of your interviews, you said “I’m more like a five trick pony”. Such a damn waste…
Even in your ‘Frank’ days, you understood the damaging cost and empty insides of Fame, and it was never about that with you, how could it be with the spirit and mind you owned?
I think I have seen every video clip of you, watching you never gets remotely boring, and you never get any less enchanting.
Mrs Divine Pants!
You were an Icon!, and you know how few people make that kinda mark on the earth. But you even seemed to do that with a previously unseen level and shape of genius. A true one-off.
To say you were MORE unique than anyone I know of, would be a sensical oxymoron. A unarguable incorrect fact . Only you Amy, you controversial little Missy you!
When I heard you sing for the first time, I was bogged down with lunch tickets, burgers caught fire one by one under the decrepit grill in the tiny kitchen; in the back of that awful pub. You filled the room…and I was affected, stopped dead in my tracks, shocked in a way, feeling something new and indescribable.
What I can describe was the shot of instant irrational blind adoring love; immediately fixated…my soul was in on it. In that moment and every time since, when I hear your voice or see your face, I’m reminded of how seriously I am addicted to you.
This world was definitely too cruel for your soul. A soul so beautiful, so intense, so vulnerable, so wild, so driven, complex and rebellious. Sweet and naive, but with it came anger, passion, wisdom and wit, an individual with boundless strength, but no direction… And like us all, weak and foolish often, with an insatiable desire to swallow life at break neck speed, and just to love and be loved. A soul like that can’t feel the full weight of the sadness that exists in life for many years. The good die young because they don’t deserve to live in the dark that they can’t help but see.
I have so much more to say, but for now I will finish by telling you this… I miss you Amy, your departure from this world was a true tragedy. Without doubt, in my eyes, our generation are the most blessed to date; simply because we lived along side your rise and fall, some were even lucky enough to be in the same room with you. Even luckier, where those who knew you intimately…
You wiggled like no-one else on earth!
You were the brightest star I ever saw in human form…
You rocked my world, stole my heart, glued yourself to my soul, and you continue to burn my mind with memories new and old.
But still in this grief, you fix me. You will always be my medicine, and one of life’s magic wild angels. I’ll wish your death was last night’s bad dream, every morning. I also know I’ll never be affected by anyone in this way, ever. I’m not easily impressed to extremes, I don’t read magazines, I have no interest in fame or its occupants, I despise most modern music and before you, I had no idea how you could love someone you’d never met.
You gave me so much while you were here and in death, your legacy will live in the hearts of millions, because your soul lived in your every word.
Happy Valentines Miss Amy Winehouse,
The unlikely ‘Love of my Life’
I can feel an extreme ‘Amy day’ coming on, please have a listen to these 4 amazing trinkets of orgasmic talent and accept my apologies for the dodgy looking links (they DO work) but I’m a techno moron and it took me like, 3 hours to get this far…
I’ll make up the deficit by finding another fabulous piccy of ze Angel …
Please ENJOY!! You will feel re-spiced, guarantee of the lioness
OK, I’m stopping with the Amy pic scouring now, obsession looms like a cloud of procrastination rocket fuel !
Amy Winehouse – All My Lovin’ – YouTube. – Found this yesterday, it’s just amazing!
Amy Winehouse- What It Is – YouTube. (To any-one who intimately knows of a dear John involving a sleeping party, this one is rather fitting to that fiasco and I’m so glad I stumbled across it yesterday, should ‘John’ come across this at anypoint, I wouldn’t wanna miss the opportunity to point this link out to him!) (Shhhh now Dawny, and well done!)
For me, You will always be the greatest thing ever to grace this Earth…
The Wonderful, Unique and Fabulous Amy
Loved, Missed and Adored everyday…
Her music and the legacy of her unforgettable presence, will light the lives of every future generation
OK not completely Amy but still some Amy in that one…
Series Amy will grow but for now…SERIES END!
Series 3 – ‘Writing Challenge 1 2012’ – SHORTS…SERIES begins ere
The rules are, each short must be 50 words or less; and each must tell a story with a point. My first one turned into a mini drama well before print and I can’t find the bugger! So I’m starting slightly late in the year; with this ‘new’ 1st attempt!
These will eventually be found ‘all in order’ for your convenience, on my page entitled ‘Dawny’s Mini seriessss, Writing Challenges from my Boss/Pimp and Sideline Squit’.
If you would like to join in the ‘Shorts challenge’ please doooo lead me to your snippets. 50 words certainly gets the imaginative juices flowing! (see novembrepleut.wordpress.com for some gems…)
Here be my first ‘shot at a short’…
Jack ran up the hill
Jill had been waiting there for him forever
Impatient! Because once he arrived, she had to start counting the hours ‘til he rolled down the hill to his death.
He said everything he didn’t want to though, so he died smiling as he sadly slammed into the lorry at the bottom of the lush green hill.
63 words! Sorry Boss! 13 over my limit but I’m working on getting all succinct!
I thought cowards were supposed to be yellow by nature
I loved yellow until you…
I was mellow until you
It’s not just that you fool
There is a book to write, a degree to finish, an album to complete, I haven’t even started on project piano, and you know I have the theatre to consider, and the boys!
When am I supposed to find time to fucking love you
I want this
I want that
I can’t cope
I don’t know
I I I!
I I I I I I I I I!
Will you ever find time for… We?
All I ever wanted was… Us!
Or was it the… Weee-nUs?
(42 words! not including the chortles! yay)
“Am I ‘a character’, because I have character?”
“I think I’m scared”
“I don’t know what of”
“My emotions, my moods, maybe…”
“They’re so overwhelming; I’m not sure if I even have a base personality”
“Am I a real person?”
No, you’re just an empty product of the collective. Laughter, delirium, joy and pain.
Insanity, depression, thrills, boredom, desire and…nothing in-between.
“So I’m a character, because I have none?”