Dear best friend and worst enemy,
Someone asked me about you last week. About what you do for me and what exactly our relationship to each other is. Whilst you remain indifferent, incapable of caring about which one of us randomer’s uses you; I am somewhat more attached to us and our rendezvous’… Firstly, it was just me and you back when my life was nothing more than a living breathing nightmare, straight from the fiery pits of hell, and worthy of a thousand great horror stories. Me and you. You were the only vehicle capable of taking me between 2 worlds and back to this one again. It was me and you here when all those miracles occurred in front of my eyes, no denying them, or their pure unadulterated life changing essence. You were there when I was too shy to show my other best friends who I had become.
Now I have no idea who I am anymore; so your filling the gap between self acceptance and self-expression until further notice or further bravery, whichever comes first.
Back then, You were there when I couldn’t lift my head up off the arm of the chair; when the only time I moved was to go to the loo. When I was so depressed it was an effort to breathe and a daily battle with suicidal fantasies. Yes. Fantasies. I wanted nothing more than to die back then. Read the rest of this entry
A while ago, I wrote a post about addiction, and I touched upon my own struggles with a plethora of activities and substances
Addictive Genes and Sad Souls…Do we inherit sadness?
NOW! Smoking cigarettes has always been one addiction that I had no intention of giving up. As many smokers will tell you, it is such a powerful attachment that it entwines itself with the essence of your identity. Yes; it is part of ‘who I am’… rather than a part of ‘what I do’
I always figured that I’d try to kick every other addiction, and smoking would be the one ‘fix’ that would stay for a lifetime…I was a self-confessed lover of smoking, and there was no guilt attached to this need, unlike the other buggers
Back to the post on addiction…I recieved a comment saying that my addictions (being so severe) were something only God and The Angels could fix. So, in amongst my prayers, I prayed for healing – re my addictive nature…
I don’t know if you can relate to this, but occasionally I have a thought pop into my head and I somehow know that it didn’t come from anywhere inside of me. Read the rest of this entry
“Can I help?”
“I have help, it just looks different, abstract…somewhat scattered”
“Why is it so hard?”
“Because we are making solid ‘rock’ from the energy of thought. That takes time”
“How long will you be?”
“When it’s cooked, it’s cooked”
“Neither time nor steps get me to ground zero”
“Only temperature does”
They climb the rest of the steps in silence
I was 6 or 7 years old when my first addiction began, I used to get £1 for dinner money, and everyday my Mum would see me over the main road and wave goodbye; off I would trot to meet the two friends who I walked to school with.
The gap between her wave goodbye, and the knock on my friends front door, was the best part of my day
I remember the feeling of excitement as I rushed to the shop at the bottom of our estate, where I would buy 10 packets of ‘Cheesies’ and 10 packets of ‘Meanies’ (small bags of 5p crisps)
I don’t know how I knew that it needed to be a secret, but I knew it alright; I knew it intrinsically. So; I would eat ALL 20 packets in rapid time, and by the time I reached my friend’s house, I had consumed them all, and my secret was safe
By lunchtime, I was starving, every single day… and I knew that if I could stop buying the crisps, I’d be able to eat lunch with my friends. I regretted it everyday, whilst I watched everyone eating their lunch; but I didn’t stop…because I couldn’t stop, Read the rest of this entry
I’d go as far as to say – my addiction to Word-Press is mini destroying my life 😉
I’ve never been great at controlling my addictions when they’re in full force, however, I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful man/full on hubby called Vine to counter this problem. He enlightened me on the current levels of cleverness in the realm of technology!
Did you know you can get freeeeee software that limits the amount of time you can spend on certain sites? Yes you probably do (I know I’m a bit slow)
My initial reaction was
“Ooooooo No Vine! I’m not very good at being controlled; I can do it on my own”
THEN…after 24 solid hours of being logged on to WP, I called him back to the house of Dawny, swallowed my pride and admitted that I needed the software assistance.
Off he went with his lightning fingers and just 20 minutes later, the full on love affair between DB and WP was over ;(
Now; I have two measly 1 hour slots, and one 20 minute slot per day… and not a second more! Read the rest of this entry
For as long as I can remember, I’ve believed that nature provides everything we need and want as humans, and if we lived in sync with nature, instead of destroying it..I personally think we would live better and easier lives
This extends all the way from Cows to Bees to Ice and Sunshine, through to Trees, Cocoa Plants and Heroin
Please note that the information I’m now gonna spout out, is based on A LOT of research and academic study, I am not ‘spilling’ just my opinion here, I promise…
Poppies are the only crop that can be grown naturally in Afghanistan, as well as many other areas in the middle east and beyond. I don’t believe this happened accidentally…we need opioids
Fact – Heroin in its purest form is less harmful to the body than sugar (Please let me know if you’d like the evidence links, I’ve bookmarked them but I’m too lazy to slam them in tut post ;))
Poppies are the worlds most powerful healer, and their ‘magic juice’ (Opioids/Heroin/Morphine) etc, has never been matched by mans attempts at creating pain relief, Man is still no-where near to the poppies. Not to mention the side effects of chemical warfare/western medication! Read the rest of this entry