Tag Archives: Disease

A Letter to My Fix…Addicts and Bandages

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Dear best friend and worst enemy,

Someone asked me about you last week. About what you do for fix 7me and what exactly our relationship to each other is. Whilst you remain indifferent, incapable of caring about which one of us randomer’s uses you; I am somewhat more attached to us and our rendezvous’… Firstly, it was just me and you back when my life was nothing more than a living breathing nightmare, straight from the fiery pits of hell, and worthy of a thousand great horror stories. Me and you. You were the only vehicle capable of taking me between 2 worlds and back to this one again. It was me and you here when all those miracles occurred in front of my eyes, no denying them, or their pure unadulterated life changing essence. You were there when I was too shy to show my other best friends who I had become.

Now I have no idea who I am anymore; so your filling the gap between self acceptance and self-expression until further notice or further bravery, whichever comes first.

Back then, You were there when I couldn’t lfix 8ift my head up off the arm of the chair; when the only time I moved was to go to the loo. When I was so depressed it was an effort to breathe and a daily battle with suicidal fantasies. Yes. Fantasies. I wanted nothing more than to die back then. Read the rest of this entry

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Getting Naked… Depression Is Her Skin

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What I never talk straight about

Depression!

Basically, my mental health has deteriorated to the point of complete ‘stoppage’ in all areas of my life. I’ve been living in my arm-chair for as long back as I can remember

Most days, I can’t even summon the will to bathe and brush my teeth

Sooooo…I’ve been fighting against the tide of my mental illnesses for nearly ten years and I’ve finally given up

Literally, physically, and psychologically…I’m fucked, tired, confused, astounded, grateful, defensive, paranoid, scared and my heart hurts

But this giving up thing only feels bad when I have an idea or a longing for something in my future, then I remind myself…’Dawn, you’ve given up, stop thinking about all that crap’ Read the rest of this entry

Steering Ships Am I Now?? All From The Confines of My Memory Foam

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As I pondered over my uber-shit sailing skills, I almost felt incompetent until I remembered never applying for the job 😉sailor 3

The Sea petrifies me, so I’m hopping off deck (soon)

A Sailor! As if !! (SCoff Scoff Scoff Old Chum)

(Ooops, missed some of that call, just heard Noah shouting star something??? I couldn’t hear him over the 2 tigers roaring)sailor 32

So, I spotted the nearest star and spun the ship rooooond towards it

As I notice 3,000 other stars with a quick whip of the neck, worry sets in

I panic, but then look down at my T-Shirt and see ‘Keep Calm and Go West’

The Co-ordinates and/or compass points are not my forte, so I listened to the team onboard instead, they were singing a 4 part harmony of the classic Welsh anthem ‘Newport’…The Welshie solo’d the line ‘concrete jungle where dreams are made of’ and I hollered

Follow that Green Peace Man to Starsailor

In that sweet moment, I’d realised my buried dream of being a sea-captain! But only if the boats swim sideways…Safety People!

The Cat is Out Of The Bag :(

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Any comments, details, information or advice would be much appreciated, given the dynamics

I can no longer blind my eyes to it everywhere I look, everywhere I listen, everything I read and all the double meaning chatter, is there for a reason, but is it truth or pretend plan a.b.c.d?The Cat's Out of the Bag by John Kahn

The reality that is constantly showing itself to me, is far too sick and shocking for a person to take

It is entirely possible that ‘the schizophrenic card’ is at work, but my gut tells me otherwise!

Can something so ugly really have been going on? Still going on?

Dear Old Friends of Mine, I’m ready to listen and I shall be slow and meticulous in the art of ‘discernment’

For the Babies who did not ask to be born

I guess not then… and Thank God it was a story, a sick one, but just a story it was, or maybe a daydream, or the description of someone’s nightmares

 

My Vision for Improving Mental Health for Patients and Professionals Alike…

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I would be extrememly grateful for any opinions you have on this dear readers, as I want to take this to my NHS trust in the hope some of the ideas and viewpoints are viable… the goal being to improve service to patients, and to give professionals more confidence and room to utilise their unique ways of caring, leading to a higher sense of satisfaction for all involved.

Its a bit messy and not the finished draft, but pre-tweek, i’d soooooooo appreciate your views if you have some time to read it. Danke Danke 🙂

The number’s for the numbered points have disappeared in the copy and paste transfer…as have all the references! I’m sure we all know why, anyhoo, the main bones are here!

Good Doctors are never forgotten. Good practice changes lives. Poor practice can destroy them. 

   Anxiety, Mental Illness & Ethics for Change

 

Guidance to Treat Anxiety alongside other Mental Health Issues – For Primary & Secondary Care Workers

1.       The True Scale of Anxiety in ‘Mentally Ill Patients’

2.       Anxiety Kills!

3.       A Safe Place is Vital…

4.       The Things We All Feel When Were Mentally Unwell

5.       Simplify and Believe. When Will The Culture of Distrust Dissolve?

6.       The Questionnaire

7.       6 Ways to Nurture Hope…

8.       6 Things We Will Do For You (Immediately)

9.       6 Weeks Alone – Mind The Gap

10.   6 Steps to Great Care – Back to Basics…

11.  No More Double Standards – Say Goodbye To Stigma

 Guidance to Treat Anxiety alongside other Mental Health Issues – For Secondary Care Worker Read the rest of this entry

Short Number 44 – Location Location Location Trumps Again! :)

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Being one of the folk termed mentally ill

Sometimes, I feel like I’m the only one, the odd one out, the one who’s stranger than most etc

HOWEVER, if nations all jumbled their citizens about the world, grouping people together based on mental classificationsmenatl

In one country – I’d be ultra normal :)! We could even re-name them and then…

I’d be a proud Citizen of Mentalist Land

With any luck, we’ll get one of the HOT countries

Life would be a blast 🙂menatl 1

(A shocking over type again – 81 words)

Addictive Genes and Sad Souls…Do We Inherit Sadness?

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I was 6 or 7 years old when my first addiction began, I used to get £1 for dinner money, and everyday my Mum would see me over the main road and wave goodbye; off I would trot to meet the two friends who I walked to school with.

The gap between her wave goodbye, and the knock on my friends front door, was the best part of my day

I remember the feeling of excitement as I rushed to the shop at the bottom of our estate, where I would buy 10 packets of ‘Cheesies’ and 10 packets of ‘Meanies’ (small bags of 5p crisps)

I don’t know how I knew that it needed to be a secret, but I knew it alright; I knew it intrinsically. So; I would eat ALL 20 packets in rapid time, and by the time I reached my friend’s house, I had consumed them all, and my secret was safe

By lunchtime, I was starving, every single day… and I knew that if I could stop buying the crisps, I’d be able to eat lunch with my friends. I regretted it everyday, whilst I watched everyone eating their lunch; but I didn’t stop…because I couldn’t stop, Read the rest of this entry

More mildly insane pondering! With a wish or two thrown in…Why? Why not?!

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Cat and Dog Cupcakes

Cat and Dog Cupcakes

The open-minded and the crazy, get it from all directions

Few dare to know the extent of their wisdom, only the fearless dare and that takes time

Few can be held to account for terrorising these people, and more than a few know it’s happening

Illness is one mighty huge get out of jail free card, for a plethora of morally superior folk whom I chuckle at for even believing on one tiny level that they are deluded enough to take a higher ground position, as they lead a war for nowt’ more than kicks and cash!

The trick is to know that those who think they know it all, are those that either fail to see the truly unexplainable

Or believe they are responsible for the unexplainable, even if the ‘how’ evades them at present Read the rest of this entry

WHO is REALLY controlling the National Grid? An original or ALL of you?

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God Love Her

God Love Her

I know I said I’m happy to lend anyone anything, what is there to lose when you know you’re gonna get your money, clothes, shoes, flat, heart back at some point?

Nothing

But I don’t believe I ever said it was OK to take Identity Theft so far, as to steal my face when it suits you. Of course in REAL life, when it begins, this just wouldn’t EVER happen, there simply isn’t a desire on the day the world awoke, having found the gift that has some freaky rules about taking your own sweet time, which I will tell you, grips my shit! Read the rest of this entry

Not this time! The Impossible is about to become Possible……

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I don’t know what the force of evil has been up to since the beginning of time; but I am BEGGING you ALL

Begging the world and his mate

Literally begging you to go against every sense you have, ONLY IF every sense you have knows me as bad.

IF you think and/or know I’m good, then go with your senses

Go with or against history

Go with or against the fors and againsts

GO with your feelings, they are ze language of the soul Read the rest of this entry

Maybe the Middle? Who Knows???

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If you suppose for one minute that we create the reality we live in, through the choices we make and the consequences that flow from them. If we suppose that for every reaction there is a re-action, then this would be a truth.

If I have borderline personality disorder, and if I placed myself in to the firing line of this disorder, the 9 symptoms that define it are born from its sole guiding thought. That thought being the black and white in life. The black and white represents the extremes of everything, and the nothing in between

Like Bi polar, the greatest and the ugliest of everything, lives in the greatest joy and the deepest pain, and the nothing in between Read the rest of this entry

Short Number 22 – Grossly Extended – 9 Lives

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Photographic illustration of a near-death-expe...

What if fiction was fact?

If so, in my living room right now, there is quite a lot going on.

I am dead but I don’t know it cos I’m one of them irritating ‘doo gooders’ every damn time I’m reborn, so I can never just ‘do one’, even when I’m popped off, I hang around like a bad smell

My great grand children are the actual residents of the house on paper; I think its 2030 ish, on the Greenwich mean-time counter (mean DOES NOT mean anything but mean in this realm (7) Read the rest of this entry

Show Me The Middle! (I love black people ;)) (Sing it…like Jerry Did)

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Dawny’s getting all cryptic,

Cos I’ve switched again, it’s got all happy and mystic

And I’m sick of looking like a tit with the blatant squit, so I’m getting all clever ‘Miss Missy of the Mississippi!’

Mississippily

PIVOT!:)

You gotta love the dark and twisty’s,

They sometimes provide such marvellous mysteries,

I can honestly say I am never really bored,

Today I’ve been pondering Pet Passports and The Lord Read the rest of this entry

“If your partner is ‘Crazy’, run for the hills” (The World, 2012) … How Rude!

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Cover of "Crazy People"

That would be everyone then?

I decided to do a little bit of research into my love life a few weeks ago

And I typed ‘why am I attracted to crazy people’ into Google. (Please note, I wasn’t presuming I am remotely sane when I typed it…So it was more a ‘2 way’ research jobby ;))

Anyhoo, by the time I’d reached the bottom of page 2, I was a broken woman!

Firstly, it would seem that only women are deemed nutters, as every bleeding article for 2 pages was about crazy women…I’ve met my fair share of nutters and around half were male! As you might expect

Second…There was advice from a whole range of people – laymen, the experienced and broken hearted. The young, the old, and the professional experts…they all had something to say

The advice varied enormously, but the final thoughts added up to the same thing EVERY SINGLE TIME…

‘If your partners crazy run for the hills!’ (Summarised)

If you replaced crazy with ‘black’ or ‘wheelchair bound’, there would be 68 petitions banning the article… directly underneath it

But ohhhh no, not for the crazy people, leave them to rot ay? Even psychologists are throwing out this advice

Such empathy and warmth? Read the rest of this entry

‘Psychosis is a necessity; for the emotional development of certain people’?(Moi, 2012)

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Love, Life and Feelings

I think it would be a fair generalisation to say that : – People who suffer from periods of psychosis, tend to be thinkers. Not just in bouts of insanity; but all the time…

I’ve just mind meandered onto this odd theory/definition of psychosis…

‘Psychosis is a necessity; for the emotional development of certain people’ 😉 (Moi, 2012)

Thinkers can fall into the trap of over thinking and under feeling. If you’re a thinker, you’re likely a problem solver… and before you know it, you’ve totally lost touch with your feelings because you’ve rationalised the shit out of; not feeling anything

But when delusions loom, in my experience…they are always intrinsically linked to 3 things

Fear/Terror

Shame

Pain

For me at least, these 3 categories cover everything that I choose not to dwell on as a thinker. Everything I don’t want to feel sits under these umbrellas… Read the rest of this entry

Osmosis Psychosis! Here again… But how did I get here; and when exactly did I arrive?

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Reality

‘Osmosis Psychosis’

This is the definition of osmosis : – The gradual, often unconscious, absorption of knowledge or ideas through continual exposure rather than deliberate learning

How bizarre that I didn’t know what it meant until today; but the phrase ‘osmosis psychosis’ has been playing in my head; in notes A and C respectively…for hours.

It is so bizarre being in this state. It’s not like the movies, I’m fully here; but I don’t see the same things as you do here. I’m not talking about visions and colours and dragons upon the walls

I’m talking a shift in perception to the reality we share

And then there are other realities; they vary in number and severity and mood each time. This time there are 4 others

injections [616]

They involve the flu jab for staff who are in on the plan; some kind of connection to the injection of cancer into patients through the innocuous guise of a necessary injection Read the rest of this entry

I’ve got a cold have I Doctor? A COLD?

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Poster encouraging citizens to "Consult y...

Whoever decided to name the common cold a cold, was obviously

A)     As hard as nails

And

B)      An idiot!

A foooooking cold ay?

Before I begin the analysis; please note that I have 2 full time, full on diseases. I won’t bore you with the details, just know that I’m noooo pussy 😉

But…

Oh My Lordy Lord!!!

I have been bitch slapped to the ground with this mini ‘health-arama’; known as a cold

I am not cold, I am burning up

I have been coughing for the last 7 hours or so, solid. This has well and truly heated up both :- the tissue on my lungs; and my temper. As I’m slightly tired and sleep deprived…

But still not cold

I am ‘buckarooing’ all over the show, every time I cough or sneeze (every 10 seconds or so) and again, this increased activity is warming me up somewhat! STILL NOT COLD

I am surrounded by tissues. Some are dry and some are wet. None are cold Read the rest of this entry

Short Number 5 – ‘The Psychiatrist and his Educated Empathy’

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Rejection Therapy logo

“Am I ‘a character’, because I have character?”

Or?

“I think I’m scared”

“I don’t know what of”

“My emotions, my moods, maybe…”

Why?

“They’re so overwhelming; I’m not sure if I even have a base personality”

“Am I a real person?” Read the rest of this entry

‘Sadness’…

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Description: Trees were knocked down and burne...

A Natural Human Disaster

You are the pin that pops pretty balloons

You are the fist that takes the wind right out of my sails

You are a thief

You are the friend that no-body wants, the friend who whispers in your ear that things are really that bad

You burgle houses in the worst and most destructive way going

Your middle name is Twister

I don’t like you and I tell you this whenever I find you in my home, but still you keep coming.

You are everything in the field of viruses and disease

You eat away at the flesh of the internal Read the rest of this entry