What I never talk straight about
Basically, my mental health has deteriorated to the point of complete ‘stoppage’ in all areas of my life. I’ve been living in my arm-chair for as long back as I can remember
Most days, I can’t even summon the will to bathe and brush my teeth
Sooooo…I’ve been fighting against the tide of my mental illnesses for nearly ten years and I’ve finally given up
Literally, physically, and psychologically…I’m fucked, tired, confused, astounded, grateful, defensive, paranoid, scared and my heart hurts
But this giving up thing only feels bad when I have an idea or a longing for something in my future, then I remind myself…’Dawn, you’ve given up, stop thinking about all that crap’ Read the rest of this entry
A while ago, I wrote a post about addiction, and I touched upon my own struggles with a plethora of activities and substances
Addictive Genes and Sad Souls…Do we inherit sadness?
NOW! Smoking cigarettes has always been one addiction that I had no intention of giving up. As many smokers will tell you, it is such a powerful attachment that it entwines itself with the essence of your identity. Yes; it is part of ‘who I am’… rather than a part of ‘what I do’
I always figured that I’d try to kick every other addiction, and smoking would be the one ‘fix’ that would stay for a lifetime…I was a self-confessed lover of smoking, and there was no guilt attached to this need, unlike the other buggers
Back to the post on addiction…I recieved a comment saying that my addictions (being so severe) were something only God and The Angels could fix. So, in amongst my prayers, I prayed for healing – re my addictive nature…
I don’t know if you can relate to this, but occasionally I have a thought pop into my head and I somehow know that it didn’t come from anywhere inside of me. Read the rest of this entry
Somehow…Someone has removed the back light from the scenery of that ‘time’
I choke at the thought of cutting you so deep
I wish I’d had the skills to deal with our explosions and your complexity; I wish I’d known then how to care for you in the way you needed and deserved, and to diffuse the sparks that our temperaments often ignited when we collided!
My instant reaction to all this, is one of intense hope and brewing shame
Regret washes through me, yet it doesn’t rinse me as it should, but drowns me instead…by intensifying and lengthening the flashbacks. The editing of our show has been re-worked…new scenes that barely registered now wipe me sideways, the depth of passion and crazy confusion is just so ‘visible’ all of a sudden Read the rest of this entry
Evolution is a funny word, and an even stranger than funny occurrence
English: Photograph of abdomen of a pregnant woman (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
You might argue that as life has expanded to include creatures from other planets, and technology and magic have stepped up a notch or 84
It would only be those ‘not gaining anything’ from these things that would argue, things have gone too far, in the wrong direction, too quickly!
Except a few know that if we had access to just one other thing, we would all feel the magic of ourselves – self-esteem, judgy wudgy pants and co, and disrespect would disappear from reality, and then people, then everyone would really be having the time of their life!
When I think about miracles, I think about when I see a pregnant woman and notice that ‘She has got a whole ‘nother human in her belly’ !!!
Apparently this is not enough! Read the rest of this entry
Ten Little Aliens
The Aliens called a meeting, seeing the first and last of a kind in epic gargantuan measures, they thought,… but if we let them have it that way, we’ll have to go back to being bored with no-one to play withAnd everytime they tried to reboot her lately, things were not going to plan and she said, stop being such Doofus’s, you are in on it, part of the crew, on your next scoop through, pick her up and take her with you
Only trouble with that plan was that old Mother Nature could not, by default, leave earth or any of it’s species Read the rest of this entry
Week 1- The England version
They all went to the local supermarket and bought EVERYTHING they would need to get them through the following 2 weeks, so they didn’t have to spend a penny anywhere at all for 2 weeks minimum, after the cheese, petrol, milk, bread, jam and Fosters were sorted, they followed step 2
Step 2 – They visited every charity shop in town, selecting the most vile items of clothing EVER, ensuring that the sum total of their items for their entire outfit could not look any worse if they tried when put together,
Tis funny dressing like a twat and you will derive great joy just looking at the hideous bits of clothing we actually liked once upon a time
Step 3, they went onto YouTube and learnt the most epically hilarious dance routine or 3, it was all very chuckle some and empowering and at worst, a rather great build up to a good weeks holiday from work
Step 4- at the speed of light they sent the message (the secret one that detailed the end results of the game), freedom, equality and a baseline amount of money that eradicates poverty and the worries that come with it, they sent it to every street in their community (the whole nation) Read the rest of this entry
God Love Her
I know I said I’m happy to lend anyone anything, what is there to lose when you know you’re gonna get your money, clothes, shoes, flat, heart back at some point?
But I don’t believe I ever said it was OK to take Identity Theft so far, as to steal my face when it suits you. Of course in REAL life, when it begins, this just wouldn’t EVER happen, there simply isn’t a desire on the day the world awoke, having found the gift that has some freaky rules about taking your own sweet time, which I will tell you, grips my shit! Read the rest of this entry
We made her simple, she came out more complex than ever before!
The prep you left went from scary to funny
Yesterday we pressed on her steady triggers – unsteady =’d steady
The last dichotomy that works in opposition to the rest
As fear becomes less, love becomes more…
For Fooooooks sake people!
I don’t know what the force of evil has been up to since the beginning of time; but I am BEGGING you ALL
Begging the world and his mate
Literally begging you to go against every sense you have, ONLY IF every sense you have knows me as bad.
IF you think and/or know I’m good, then go with your senses
Go with or against history
Go with or against the fors and againsts
GO with your feelings, they are ze language of the soul Read the rest of this entry
I had a dream that I had lived a thousand previous lives as an absolute shite of a human being, and in every single life I was as hideous as hideous gets
Then, because some highly evolved angels knew I was the opposite of my actions, they bought me to life one more time as a strange being
No IQ, not one brain cell to speak of, no heart, let alone a heart the size of a rugby ball, the same soul ‘cos that’s the only thing ‘they’ couldn’t and wouldn’t change, my steady as a rock gigantic ego, some magic mirrors, and enough guilt to battle with the levels owned by a catholic priest, who preached all day and spent all night shagging every girl in sight.
And then the whole world pulled my strings, like a puppet, or perhaps a muppet.
Monday to Sunday, I was injected with scripts, unknowingly acting out every moment, every scene, with nothing but my soul to give me awareness of myself
By the time I got mid way through life, people started saying…She has finally lost it. Totally fooking bonkers, what a nightmare she turns out to be, every damn time ay? Read the rest of this entry
I wonder how many other people in the world have had a day like I have had today?
Homesickness? Yes! Of the Worst Kind!
Before this news I often asked myself
Who are you Dawny?
I don’t know today, I’ve not really known much, ever, except how to have too much fun, and never listen properly!
Now I know everything and STILL nothing
How miraculously shocking is that! ? As a truth? And truth it is!
Today was exactly the same as so many other days I’ve had
33 whole years of days like these… Read the rest of this entry
What if fiction was fact?
If so, in my living room right now, there is quite a lot going on.
I am dead but I don’t know it cos I’m one of them irritating ‘doo gooders’ every damn time I’m reborn, so I can never just ‘do one’, even when I’m popped off, I hang around like a bad smell
My great grand children are the actual residents of the house on paper; I think its 2030 ish, on the Greenwich mean-time counter (mean DOES NOT mean anything but mean in this realm (7) Read the rest of this entry
Issues for the Upcoming Meeting
Firstly, I would like clarification on the geographical boundaries that exist within the city centre of Moon Pig, being as you know I’m a moron when it comes to geography and spatial awareness. I know not where I live, so, I know not how to choose from any possible future opportunities, without your blessed and necessary guidance
Secondly, after discovering the amount of pure unadulterated love that I have coming my way, through the electro-waves, all the live long day and night. I would like to suggest a policy idea to address the issue. Read the rest of this entry
Dawny’s getting all cryptic,
Cos I’ve switched again, it’s got all happy and mystic
And I’m sick of looking like a tit with the blatant squit, so I’m getting all clever ‘Miss Missy of the Mississippi!’
You gotta love the dark and twisty’s,
They sometimes provide such marvellous mysteries,
I can honestly say I am never really bored,
Today I’ve been pondering Pet Passports and The Lord Read the rest of this entry
I reckon I could be fantastic as a…
‘Paranormal Paranoia Investigator of Strange Shit!’
Trouble is, I’d get to the end, and be slightly too paranoid about my judgement due to paranoia, to voice it!
Maybe not, now, not now I’ve uncovered the actual lengths I’d have to go to, in the decision making process
So perhaps a new career is needed, out side the realm of other-ness, after-all!
(Why is Deird’s so massive today?)
Just when you thought life couldn’t get any weirder…
Be sure to know that you will soon find yourself, in weirder clearer waters! Those oceans previously believed to have belonged to some other crazy race, somehow…do not. Turns out, we are all part of the same fooking water source!
Perhaps discussing the issue with a friend might seem like an idea, it’s such fun reeling the facts list off, just before the shiny van comes zooming round the corner, with the white coat swat team leaning out of the side doors…Their wild blonde locks, billowing in the wind as they sprint to my rescue with paddles and belts in hand 🙂 (It’s all very 1920’s healthcare round ‘ere, hence the scene) Read the rest of this entry
If we’re honest…
We’ve all been there – we polish off a post, we re-read one last time, a small smile creeps across our face as we secretly, internally marvel at the sheer genius of both ourselves, and the content 😉
We post it…
It hurts, but somehow we get back up and we fight to live another day 😉
Well; For all those poor little masterpieces that for some reason, YOU actually thought were NOT worthy of shredding to bits, immediately after you posted them…
RE-POST the little gems!
(Don’t tell Word-Press, ‘cos I think this is semi illegal in tut Bloggus-Sphere) Read the rest of this entry
I ‘think’… because I’m not sure of the details, or the motives, or my perception of certain happenings.
And then there’s my imagination to consider…It’s all a bit confusing, but bad things are (and have been) happening, that do not really have any other explanation.
So for now, I’m going with the idea that I am sure.
I’ve spent a lot of time feeling victimised over this vendetta.
UNTIL now, because I’ve realised that somewhere along the line (without intent), I must have pissed somebody off or hurt them so badly, they feel their vengeful actions are justified
They are slowly chalking up the scores I guess, I can only guess
So who gets to say which one of us is right, and which one is wrong?
Neither or us have kudos on what constitutes the right amount of justice for a crime, all we both have, are our own perception of events Read the rest of this entry