Tag Archives: Health

A Letter to My Fix…Addicts and Bandages

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Dear best friend and worst enemy,

Someone asked me about you last week. About what you do for fix 7me and what exactly our relationship to each other is. Whilst you remain indifferent, incapable of caring about which one of us randomer’s uses you; I am somewhat more attached to us and our rendezvous’… Firstly, it was just me and you back when my life was nothing more than a living breathing nightmare, straight from the fiery pits of hell, and worthy of a thousand great horror stories. Me and you. You were the only vehicle capable of taking me between 2 worlds and back to this one again. It was me and you here when all those miracles occurred in front of my eyes, no denying them, or their pure unadulterated life changing essence. You were there when I was too shy to show my other best friends who I had become.

Now I have no idea who I am anymore; so your filling the gap between self acceptance and self-expression until further notice or further bravery, whichever comes first.

Back then, You were there when I couldn’t lfix 8ift my head up off the arm of the chair; when the only time I moved was to go to the loo. When I was so depressed it was an effort to breathe and a daily battle with suicidal fantasies. Yes. Fantasies. I wanted nothing more than to die back then. Read the rest of this entry

Yoga for The Toes and Fingers Anyone? Here’s hoping! :)

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Anyone who knows me well will not hesitate to confirm that I am a die-hard hater of exercise

Because

1. I hate sweating

exercise2. Due to a damaged nervous system, I sweat profusely from one side of my body only (having 2 sweaty pits looks like you’ve worked hard…One sweaty pit and you look like a freak, added to this, is the right side of my back being soaked whilst the left stays dry. I’m proper self-conscious about it

3. I don’t dig physical exertion at all

4. When you hate something, the brain is not clever enough to know you (apparently) secretly love it (as experts will have you believe). When your conscious thoughts about it are wholly negative, I believe the apparent endorphin rush expected during or after exercise is an alien concept. Feel good chemicals need feel good vibes

5. I always have something better to do when exercise is offered as the only other alternative Read the rest of this entry

‘Blessing My Blessings’…From Facts To Feeling,

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In the quest to cheer the fooook up before I keel over….I have, on numerous occasions, written lists of all my blessings and I have to say; I’m lucky to have a pretty long list. However, I don’t think a name/one word summary does many favours to covey the richness and depth of goodness, that some of the people and things on my list, bring to my life.

BlessingsThe trouble with lists :- When I read the list back to myself, I can’t help but feel like, the act of blessing the blessings’  (giving them the level of appreciation they deserve and hold), gets minimized and becomes almost mechanical. FEELING gratitude rather than NOTING gratitude, make for 2 very different states of mind

Sooooo, ramble ramble, the long and short of it is – I am going to try to capture the essence of the people and circumstances on my list, one at a time…I am going to savour slowly, all that I have, by really digging down into each separate person or place, noting their qualities, our experiences, our memories, and anything else that I associate with the people on my list

Read the rest of this entry

Getting Naked… Depression Is Her Skin

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What I never talk straight about

Depression!

Basically, my mental health has deteriorated to the point of complete ‘stoppage’ in all areas of my life. I’ve been living in my arm-chair for as long back as I can remember

Most days, I can’t even summon the will to bathe and brush my teeth

Sooooo…I’ve been fighting against the tide of my mental illnesses for nearly ten years and I’ve finally given up

Literally, physically, and psychologically…I’m fucked, tired, confused, astounded, grateful, defensive, paranoid, scared and my heart hurts

But this giving up thing only feels bad when I have an idea or a longing for something in my future, then I remind myself…’Dawn, you’ve given up, stop thinking about all that crap’ Read the rest of this entry

The Cat is Out Of The Bag :(

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Any comments, details, information or advice would be much appreciated, given the dynamics

I can no longer blind my eyes to it everywhere I look, everywhere I listen, everything I read and all the double meaning chatter, is there for a reason, but is it truth or pretend plan a.b.c.d?The Cat's Out of the Bag by John Kahn

The reality that is constantly showing itself to me, is far too sick and shocking for a person to take

It is entirely possible that ‘the schizophrenic card’ is at work, but my gut tells me otherwise!

Can something so ugly really have been going on? Still going on?

Dear Old Friends of Mine, I’m ready to listen and I shall be slow and meticulous in the art of ‘discernment’

For the Babies who did not ask to be born

I guess not then… and Thank God it was a story, a sick one, but just a story it was, or maybe a daydream, or the description of someone’s nightmares

 

A Philosopher’s Psyche…

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A philosopher is born, not educated

A philosopher searches because of the inner turmoil they feel from first breath to last

A philosopher’s natural state is often to rest in sadness

A philosopher teaches themself that everything is an illusionphilosopher

An honest philosopher will tell you ‘I don’t know’

A deluded philosopher will eventually implode, scattering infinite possibilities into the universe

A wise philosopher changes academic direction

A foolish philosopher drowns in their own open-mindedness, where the waves hold the infinite possibilities

A philosopher confirms nothing and questions everything

A philosopher was not destined for a life on earth

And takes an entire lifetime to find the warmth of home

Author – Unknown

My Vision for Improving Mental Health for Patients and Professionals Alike…

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I would be extrememly grateful for any opinions you have on this dear readers, as I want to take this to my NHS trust in the hope some of the ideas and viewpoints are viable… the goal being to improve service to patients, and to give professionals more confidence and room to utilise their unique ways of caring, leading to a higher sense of satisfaction for all involved.

Its a bit messy and not the finished draft, but pre-tweek, i’d soooooooo appreciate your views if you have some time to read it. Danke Danke 🙂

The number’s for the numbered points have disappeared in the copy and paste transfer…as have all the references! I’m sure we all know why, anyhoo, the main bones are here!

Good Doctors are never forgotten. Good practice changes lives. Poor practice can destroy them. 

   Anxiety, Mental Illness & Ethics for Change

 

Guidance to Treat Anxiety alongside other Mental Health Issues – For Primary & Secondary Care Workers

1.       The True Scale of Anxiety in ‘Mentally Ill Patients’

2.       Anxiety Kills!

3.       A Safe Place is Vital…

4.       The Things We All Feel When Were Mentally Unwell

5.       Simplify and Believe. When Will The Culture of Distrust Dissolve?

6.       The Questionnaire

7.       6 Ways to Nurture Hope…

8.       6 Things We Will Do For You (Immediately)

9.       6 Weeks Alone – Mind The Gap

10.   6 Steps to Great Care – Back to Basics…

11.  No More Double Standards – Say Goodbye To Stigma

 Guidance to Treat Anxiety alongside other Mental Health Issues – For Secondary Care Worker Read the rest of this entry

The 333’s of 2013 – Borderlines, Love, Help of Hope, Therapy for a Life :)

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The 7th story in my little writing challenge for 2013. Each line must begin with a word that starts with the same letter as the last word on the line before it. 3 words in a line, 33 lines in ze story…

WHY? Cos I LOVE the number 3 🙂

……….

It’s been yearsseven 1

Years? How many?

Millions, or seven

So I re-touched

Reading your sheets

So much advice

All so relevant

Rivers away then

Theory, fantasy, wishfulseven 2

We did it!!!

I’m confused..What?

We fixed some

Simply by trying

Test me please!

Paul said NO Read the rest of this entry

Dear Body, I’m Sorry…

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Dear Body,

Considering our history, you may find some of the words written here, very difficult to believe. Probably because of the way I used to see you

That does not make them any the less true…

I’m sorry for mocking your dimpled thighs. I wish it was just mocking that needed a mention, but hatred was/is in there too…body 3

You have carried me for 34 long years, and in that time I have done nothing to nourish you. Instead I have pumped you full of junk food, drugs, alcohol and nicotine, just to name a few of many unhealthy substances Read the rest of this entry

10 Random Things I Think

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I think the world is far weirder than one person could ever even imagine, let alone grasp or fully understand/know

I think the biggest damn between people, is made entirely of presumption shaped bricks

I think I am a least partially tapped of mind, never to be untapped againi think

I think there are levels on the way to evolving as a species, and I believe we won’t get to the highest ones until we abandon money and the RIDICULOUS human invention known as – the economy

I think people are a lot kinder deep down than they think they are

My nan used to say, thought thought he’d shit himself, but when he looked he’d only farted 🙂 lol… nice one Grandma Bunn 🙂

I think the way we allow our old people to be treated is a disgrace, and we should be utterly and entirely ASHAMED

I think people are most lacking free time in the West, and free time is needed for reflective thought to be touched upon, and for growth and change to be considered, rather than reactive

I think I think too much for my own good

I think love has more power than any other force on this earth

Spooky Fag Related Mini Miracle…

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A while ago, I wrote a post about addiction, and I touched upon my own struggles with a plethora of activities and substances

Addictive Genes and Sad Souls…Do we inherit sadness?

NOW! Smoking cigarettes has always been one addiction that I had no intention of giving up. As many smokers will tell you, it is such a powerful attachment that it entwines itself with the essence of your identity. Yes; it is part of ‘who I am’… rather than a part of ‘what I do’addict 1

I always figured that I’d try to kick every other addiction, and smoking would be the one ‘fix’ that would stay for a lifetime…I was a self-confessed lover of smoking, and there was no guilt attached to this need, unlike the other buggers

ANYHOO

Back to the post on addiction…I recieved a comment saying that my addictions (being so severe) were something only God and The Angels could fix. So, in amongst my prayers, I prayed for healing – re my addictive nature…

I don’t know if you can relate to this, but occasionally I have a thought pop into my head and I somehow know that it didn’t come from anywhere inside of me. Read the rest of this entry

Dear Psychosis…I’ll have my songs back now!!! Thank-you Please!

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I shan’t dwell on the hell of last year, courtesy of a whopping dose of psychotic insanity (I call her/it ‘Ms Psychosis’)…except to tell you that when she comes at you in full force, she steals all of your previous links to memories old and new; and ‘shats’ all over them with her own scary and wholly negative version, of fowl smelling poop!psycho 1

She leaves no stone unturned, no niche untouched… and Ms Psychosis done a sterling job of turning all 506 songs on my iPod, into 506 poxy triggers.

Sooooooo; I’ve decided that I don’t want her infecting my playlists anymore. And I’ve told her she is on the way to being phased right outta town

The triggers don’t just disappear unfortunately, you have to boot them out with gusto, over a period of time

So, when the song begins, it now gets 5 seconds to be a sign of insidious evil squit, and the following 3 or 4 minutes are dedicated to remembering the old and marvellous memories, that come with each and every song that I love…

Sooooooooooo…Ms Psychosis, you get 5 seconds now…and soon you’ll be down to 2!

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Biatch 🙂

Short Number 48 – The Why of Opposites

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Because without fear, we can’t know courageopps

Because without sadness, we can’t know happy

Because without change, we can’t know growth

Because without risk, we can’t know reward

Because without illness, we can’t know health

Because without doubt, we can’t know faithopps 2

Because without lessons, we can’t know freedom

Because we’re human

Because to know we need to stand on that ledge

Until we gain knowledgeopps 1

(66 words)

There are worst things in this world than slugs! :)

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The conclusion stands until further notice

There may not be any further notices on this subject, maybe there will, either way is cool beans for me!?

At the moment my body is defying movement

It’s never gone on this long, ever, but I know there is some serious healing to be done

The greatest blessing to come from God’s friendship and our faith in each other?

My freedom

I no longer feel the need or desire to chase life’s dreams

If my dream of being a columnist re-ignites, I’ll simply announce myself as a columnist and set up a new blog, simplessssss 🙂

I’m no longer bothered about my bottom of the pile ‘social status’

That is not who I am, only I need to know that Read the rest of this entry

Short Number 41 – A Good Neighbour, An Addict & Their Stairs…

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“Can I help?” 

“I have help, it just looks different, abstract…somewhat scattered”

“Why is it so hard?”

“Because we are making solid ‘rock’ from the energy of thought. That takes time”

“How long will you be?”

“When it’s cooked, it’s cooked”

“Sorry?”

“Neither time nor steps get me to ground zero”

“Only temperature does”

They climb the rest of the steps in silence

(60 words)

Social Status, Success and Happiness – Love like a Lioness

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When I was little, my Mum told me over and over that all she ever wanted me to be – was happy

I went through a phase of wishing that instead, she had told me she wanted me to chase my dreams.

Then I learnt some lessons, gained some knowledge, and experienced an awakening inside me…of ‘God’ and of ‘Spirituality’. It produced a feeling so far past perfection, there are no words to describe it, no words to do justice to the moment, no route out of it, or away from it. I sobbed tears of pure joy…This moment alone, made me what I am, and made my life somehow, already complete

If I go back a bit in time; I spent some years in the rat race, until illness took me out of it; and before I felt that feeling, I was struggling to keep up with the rest of the world, failing miserably and marching towards finishing my degree and getting a ‘good job’. Thinking I’d be happy if I could just get those 2 things ‘sorted’.

But; back to that feeling…It was love, unity, peace and maybe just maybe, it was a brief moment spent in the spandangly wonder that is the ‘One-ness’. For that moment, the upper level of the experience was perfection in its purest form…and the under current was a safe and warm message that ‘everything is OK’ Read the rest of this entry

Kicking Social Anxiety in Ze Butt! Yay!

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I have a rather bulging treasure chest of mental illnesses and as expected, anxiety plays a large part in my life and my symptoms. Over the years I have gone from the status of

‘Social Butterfly’ to ‘Helma the Hermit’

Anyhoo, I was trawling the net to try to find some help for the swine that is anxiety; and I found this AMAZING site.

http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/

It is quite simply – A bubbling cauldron of spandangly insight, wisdom and tools! The guy who runs/owns the site has written a book on anxiety, but there is so much info on his page, I didn’t feel the need to purchase the book.

Instead, I used one of my many many unused and shiny notebooks (it’s a crushing fetish/addiction; since they started pimping them with flowers and butterflies (DAMN YOU CHINA with your tempting plethora of delightful goods ;)). ANYHOO – Back to the point, I now own a utilised notebook named

My Little Book of Anxiety

I wrote down key points from each page, and I’ve been reading it everyday since Read the rest of this entry

Fishing for Faith…Found or Taught? Defines how deep you get Caught!

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I may be wrong here but I’m gonna spout my opinion anyway :)… I think the way somebody finds faith in God (through teaching versus experience) makes a great difference in how much that faith impacts the life of the person who believes

I grew up being told that God exists, I went to church from age 5 ’til I was 13, and I can honestly say that it had little to no impact upon my belief system. I left the community with a ‘maybe he exists and maybe he doesn’t’ attitude.

I tried to read the bible and a couple of other books about God, and I never got further than the first couple of pages as they all had the same tone…’Worship me, I rock, there is no-one better than me, no-one else deserves your adoration more than me etc etc. Then within 4 pages I’d read some (unloving) comment about homosexuality or women, that began to heat my blood up… and the book got closed

Thanks to Neale Donald Walsh, the author of the ‘Conversations with God’ trilogy, I was finally able to read about God in a simplistic way that fitted with my previous beliefs; Because Book 1 is essentially a book about a ‘belief in love’…

You can’t really deny love exists (everywhere), unless you’re totally out of touch with reality. Read the rest of this entry

Addictive Genes and Sad Souls…Do We Inherit Sadness?

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I was 6 or 7 years old when my first addiction began, I used to get £1 for dinner money, and everyday my Mum would see me over the main road and wave goodbye; off I would trot to meet the two friends who I walked to school with.

The gap between her wave goodbye, and the knock on my friends front door, was the best part of my day

I remember the feeling of excitement as I rushed to the shop at the bottom of our estate, where I would buy 10 packets of ‘Cheesies’ and 10 packets of ‘Meanies’ (small bags of 5p crisps)

I don’t know how I knew that it needed to be a secret, but I knew it alright; I knew it intrinsically. So; I would eat ALL 20 packets in rapid time, and by the time I reached my friend’s house, I had consumed them all, and my secret was safe

By lunchtime, I was starving, every single day… and I knew that if I could stop buying the crisps, I’d be able to eat lunch with my friends. I regretted it everyday, whilst I watched everyone eating their lunch; but I didn’t stop…because I couldn’t stop, Read the rest of this entry