Whilst browsing WordPress today, I came across this great entry…
Courtesy of – muchmorethannear.wordpress.com
One part in particular (shown below in pink) caught my eye, so I’ve decided to join the gang of authors, with my own version of –
‘Gods latest letter to the church’
“I wonder what God might write in a letter to our church today? I recently asked our leadership team to prayerfully write such a letter and to pass them on to me without talking about their content with each other. My hope is that although they will inevitably reflect their human authors, their personalities and interests, that as I read them alongside each clear patterns might emerge as the Spirit speaks. I am a firm believer that all believers have access to God through the Spirit, and so I extend this challenge to you too.”
Click here to read the full article –
If you decide to do the same, pretty please direct me to your own letter’s, as I’d love to read them.
OK…Here goes my little love note
Dear sweet children of mine,
I am writing you this letter for many reasons, but I’ll start with my main point, which is of course…To tell you how much I love you
The title and shape of the church you stand in, makes no difference to our friendship. A church can be any place at all if you just call it a church. A field, a kitchen, a cathedral or a mosque. If you truly trust in me and my copious amounts of love, you will hopefully understand this point. Read the rest of this entry
Humans lie for many reasons; one less mentioned and less obvious reason, is to protect our privacy
Up until recently, I always thought it better to tell your close friends the real reasons behind your decisions and actions, as real friends generally accept you no matter what, and having true friends in your life is a blessing not to be under-estimated
I can be a bit anal about this, as I’m over sensitive about lies (even though I am at times, a liar). I like people who tell you how it is, even when it isn’t rosy, because you know where you are with them.
But I also have friends who believe they are being a better friend by not being straight with me, if the issue is controversial, hurtful and/or potentially explosive, and I see this method as just as committed, compassionate and loving.
Another thoughtful way of dealing with a lack of understanding; both methods come from the desire to be a good friend. It’s a matter of preference, rather than better or worse ways
HOWEVER, if your reasons for doing something or not doing something are kinda abnormal to said friend(s), and especially if they cannot understand or relate to them, they can and do make judgements about you that are outright wrong and hurtful, and if the reasons become increasingly outlandish, the less people get you, and the more you are subjected to being labelled something you are not
Which kinda pisses all of us off! Read the rest of this entry
Mental Health Month Poster
Recently I went through a truly hellish episode of psychosis that lasted 8 months (and in some ways 3 years). Delusions were forming and growing, on and off, for those years; but the 8 month period when it peaked was truly the most horrific, debilitating, life stealing, petrifying, confusing, lonely, hideous, exhausting, depressing, soul shattering suicidal experience of my life. I could write for 10 hours and be unable to offer even an outline of the description of my delusions…
As per usual, the mental health team were about as useful as a chocolate fire guard, I sincerely have no idea what these people do all day; but tending to the mental health of their patients seems to be an alien concept to them. 7 years on from my diagnosis and I still struggle to get any positive suggestion from them. Bloody morons! After several admissions to hospital I was forced to re-engage with them (I’ve discharged myself from their care (clears throat) umpteenth times, as they do fuck all except stress me out). So; I asked time and time again for some skills to deal with my reality, some practical advice, some help, some words of encouragement… something, anything, just one little tool. In the end, they decided a leaflet on volunteering and a referral to the therapy group I’ve already been to, would suffice. Again, bloody morons. The group is great for a drop of depression or intolerance, but neeeee way does it even touch upon the unique experience of a psychotic break… so I thought I would share my tips, on how I began to escape the 24 pit stop from hell… Read the rest of this entry
Just when I thought technology was in for another judgement/whine fest from me (mainly derived from my own inability to keep up with it) 😉
I discovered the most amazing thing ever! A virtual fish tank screen saver!!! Another massivo thank-you to the angels that lead me to the ponder of this possibility, and to Vine for remembering I wanted to check out the screen saver market, and subsequently reminding me 🙂
This is not just any old fish tank people, it is EPIC and once again, the hypnotic calming effect of watching fish swim is back in my life and is ALMOST as good as the real thing…Although I did pay for it twice and after both transactions were completed, I had purchased a test version with no code in the email for the real version! Cheeky little shamones 😉 Read the rest of this entry
She awoke and the fun police still had 8 ooooooozy 9mm’s stuck to her head
She made sure she had just enough breast showing (for her own sweet viewing pleasure)
“You could be doing so many other important things”
“But have it your way, makes no odds to mine”
God loves a tryer, even when they fell off the path eons ago and are still lost!
In my worst nightmares the following was true…
I was the only person capable of loving anyone after my first love
Worse than that
I was the only person awake and alert and aware of love, let alone 100% love!
And if love is our creator, and I had the job of being IT for a year ;)…then I would write and speak little about this job in haste (whilst continuing to write reams of bilge for my own chuckle-dom and love of self). BUT back to the big job in hand, I’d say and give little, without first thinking about how a force of evil, may abuse the things I would consider gifts
I hold equal opportunity and freedom high up in my dreams for everyone, but in an ideal world, they only come when the stuff of my dreams is known, that being – all those living are fully aware of perfect love, even if it is something they have lost, or misplaced, or never found, or tried to bury
In finally loving myself as much as everyone else I’ve always loved, I have the motivation and the bravery to say who I am now, what I have been and what I will aim to be – always the best version of myself that I can be, for me. Read the rest of this entry
I don’t know what the force of evil has been up to since the beginning of time; but I am BEGGING you ALL
Begging the world and his mate
Literally begging you to go against every sense you have, ONLY IF every sense you have knows me as bad.
IF you think and/or know I’m good, then go with your senses
Go with or against history
Go with or against the fors and againsts
GO with your feelings, they are ze language of the soul Read the rest of this entry
If I had just one wish (*clears throat*) Even with the ‘If’… *clears throat*
Just one thing to be changed, from an oceans worth of pain
And endless lonely games
Attacks on the ‘Insane’
For god only knows what gain
From torture and maim
I wish I could fly…
I wish I could spread my arms out like a superhero
And just fly away every time, every time their daggers stabbed me, I’d forget the pain and fly all the way around the world and back
I hope next time, I come back as a large white bird like the one from that night in Aberdeen, or an excessively pampered cat/dog merge thingamy.
That is, if I ever get the chance to be re-born as someone other than me, this, her, it… Read the rest of this entry
I’ve had an ‘on-off’ relationship with writing for parts of my life, but I never ever ever thought I would fall in love with it, to the extent that I have. I know a good 70% of what I write is utter shite, and that was always half the appeal of blogging, the ‘no-ties or rules’ element, allows us to make our pages – whatever we want them to be
But as true to the page as we try to stay, we see readers on our stats and this leads to thinking about readers of books in book shops…
All shiny and PR’d to buggery (Temptation)
And before you know it, we’ve all gone from dreaming about learning to make a widget with an actual real picture link
… to daring to think about writing a whole bleeding book
But I never let myself think big like that, mostly because I never have (it’s dangerous to dream and fail), so I just didn’t go there. Plus, it’s so much harder if you’re a struggling ‘arty farty’ type – because there is no good or bad, or right and wrong in this world. Read the rest of this entry
What if fiction was fact?
If so, in my living room right now, there is quite a lot going on.
I am dead but I don’t know it cos I’m one of them irritating ‘doo gooders’ every damn time I’m reborn, so I can never just ‘do one’, even when I’m popped off, I hang around like a bad smell
My great grand children are the actual residents of the house on paper; I think its 2030 ish, on the Greenwich mean-time counter (mean DOES NOT mean anything but mean in this realm (7) Read the rest of this entry
Two paths, to go figure out what lies beneath
Dawny the detective has just 2 theories
a) The world is being run by blue robot alien ghost evil men
b) Love exists
I’m really really trying to believe in… Plan B
Dawny’s getting all cryptic,
Cos I’ve switched again, it’s got all happy and mystic
And I’m sick of looking like a tit with the blatant squit, so I’m getting all clever ‘Miss Missy of the Mississippi!’
You gotta love the dark and twisty’s,
They sometimes provide such marvellous mysteries,
I can honestly say I am never really bored,
Today I’ve been pondering Pet Passports and The Lord Read the rest of this entry
Broken again and flicking V’s to thin air!
As weak as I get!
As I’m so sickening to you, in this state…
Is this enough for one day?
I think so
Some of us are born lucky enough to have the unending love of a mother
This love can provide a human with gargantuan strength, enough strength to just about cope with anything
Others are unlucky, and they received no love from their mother
And it is this lack of love, that creates hatred in the hearts of the un-loved
You’d think that after many years of suffering, many years of knowing what damage it does, living with no love, that they would accept love as an adult
That they might even crave love as an adult? Read the rest of this entry
He was just 4 years old when he decided to remove the buttons from his outsides
The panel on his front, was larger than all the other robots because he had travelled, a rarity in ‘bot-land’
But he was also very rare (even without the travel)
He was bogged down, feeling too much compassion, love, anger, disdain, fear, yearning…and a need for control and power
When he was left to his own devices, these emotions weren’t a problem. Like all other robots he was emotional, whilst being totally emotionally detached Read the rest of this entry
I need some sort of regulating body to adhere to I think ;(
I can’t keep up with the little mo-fo (my brain).
I have 18 tasks on the go simultaneously and apart from completing snippets of bilge and smoking, the rest is just basically me making a massive mess
Pooey environments don’t help with the concept of calm…
But it’s a continuous battle, just clearing up after myself
I need to bloody meditate or something, but I don’t know where to start
Plus, there’s no point trying cos I will forget in 6.3 seconds that I’m meant to be meditating, and it won’t be til I’m shuffling evidence papers 15 minutes later, that I’ll remember I was meant to be meditating! 15 minutes ago! (Small zone outs are allowed but 15 minutes is complete un-dooo-ance!) Read the rest of this entry
When I was at school, I wasn’t phased by the work in general. I had no problem with algebra or saying…
“Hello, I have a brown pony” in German.
But there was always one phrase that terrified me!
It came when the teacher said, at the end of the speech
“Use your imagination”
I had none, none. I could not think of anything that I didn’t already know. There was no imagination in my world, just facts, figures, events and memories. And I was a miserable little swine when I was small…and I just figured out why
Because I had no access – to this facet of my ‘whole’….I had no real fire; no fire at all… Read the rest of this entry
Anxiety begins to brew, and sometimes it grows to the point where ‘Pam’ is required.
She does the job of Instilling the desired amount of ‘zombification’
But the next day, she gives you a big old ‘Pam-Over’
‘What goes down, must come down’
I caved, and swallowed the correct amount of western poison (and I avoided hospital admission for the physical side effects this time) Lucky meeee ;)… I forced kilos of food down my pipe, and I went to sleep like a good girl.
My mind is one happy mind today 🙂 because all this worked, and psychosis has finally buggered off for the foreseeable future.
I know I’ve been gibbering on about this for a while now, and if I’m boring you I apologise, but it helps me to release some of the madness inside. Plus; I feel that posting this stuff might help to shed some light on the awake and living nightmare, that some people are forced to go through.
I also I want to reinforce the fact that all paranoid schizophrenic’s ARE NOT serial killers. I would say it’s far more likely, that the majority of them are petrified, as they believe you are a serial killer
I can’t tell you what a relief it is, to have a semi normal brain back. In the throes of psychosis, every thought that passes through my mind is part of a wider conspiracy, every single one…even the ones that begin innocently, turn into something sooooooo dark; it’s really difficult to cope. Read the rest of this entry