Tag Archives: memories

Dear Self – Stop Being A ‘Dickhead’…;)

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Dear Self!

“Do you remember that hooo-haaaa this year, when you were a complete dick head?”

Self bows head…’I do’

“And do you know that it was the 5678th time, that you have been caught behaving like a dickhead, by me?”

Self…’I do’

“And do you know that I forgive you, you foolish little numpty? ;)”

Self…’I didn’t, but thanks’

“And do you forgive yourself now too?”

Self…’I do’…’Huge Thanks to you for forgiving me first’

“You’re welcome Dick ed!”

“As are you”

Fabulous little number courtesy of Ms Nash…Love Me, Myself, and I 🙂

Too Deep, Too Fast…The Veil is Lifted Too Late…The Past!

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Somehow…Someone has removed the back light from the scenery of that ‘time’

I choke at the thought of cutting you so deep

I wish I’d had the skills to deal with our explosions and your complexity; I wish I’d known then how to care for you in the way you needed and deserved, and to diffuse the sparks that our temperaments often ignited when we collided!

My instant reaction to all this, is one of intense hope and brewing shame

Regret washes through me, yet it doesn’t rinse me as it should, but drowns me instead…by intensifying and lengthening the flashbacks. The editing of our show has been re-worked…new scenes that barely registered now wipe me sideways, the depth of passion and crazy confusion is just so ‘visible’ all of a sudden Read the rest of this entry

You are…

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You are the only one who makes me want to go back in time

You are the one who made our life a fairytale

You are the one I feared losing most

You are the one who came at the worst possible time

You are the one who deserved every single thing I ever gave to anyone else

You are the one I cannot remember without trying to forget how much I loved you Read the rest of this entry

Kids Say The Funniest Things…

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Overall, no matter how many adult comedians tickle me pink, I still think that kids say the funniest things…Their utter naivety, coupled with their unique ways of looking at the world, often cause me to cry with laughter at some of their comments…

I am writing this because I just remembered a funny incident with one of my 3 magic, and very funny nephews

I was going over to Germany to stay with my brother, and Thomas (my nephew) kindly agreed to let me sleep in his room

When I got there, he told me to go and look in the bedroom, as he’d left something in there for me…and there was a note on the floor (which I’ve just fished out from my ‘memories box’ for accuracy)

It read..

For Da Dawl

Dawn

Please turn ober

(I turned it over and it said)

You have boobies

Have a nice time in my room 🙂 Read the rest of this entry

Memories – Leytonstone to Basildon swathed in Musical Bliss

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About 20 years ago, my brother had just passed his driving test and he purchased an ultra stylish Volvo estate 🙂 complete with beige plastic interior…

Nice Motor!

Note – It was the era where girls and boys spent hours making ‘smooch mixes’ on cassette…The slow dance at the end of a party was a cultural benchmark of the 80’s ‘new romantics’

We decided to go for a drive down to Basildon to see my Nan, and Leigh was obsessed with this particular song at the time. So; I had to wait for about an hour and a half before we could leave; whilst he recorded it (real-time)

Finally, he filled the entire A and B side of the tape and off we went

In spite of the fact that he was driving the most uncool car known to man (at age 18)…we were feeling pretty special 😉 Read the rest of this entry

Geezer Birds and Camp Alpha Males

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I’ve never really been a girly girl on a large-scale. Don’t get me wrong, I adore shoes, I love an excuse to put a spangly dress on, and I probably have more clothes and handbags than Vera Wang herself

I also have zero tolerance for anyone touching my hair in case they mess with the direction of my curls, and/or pushing my eye brow hair in the wrong direction!

BUT….

I have always been the token lad when I’m hanging out with the boys… a poker playing, mischievous, direct, semi alcoholic, adrenaline seeking, bossy sod! And I don’t exactly exude that age-old feminine trait – vulnerability.

Also; when I blow my nose I reckon it’s a good 50 decibels louder than your average chick. Read the rest of this entry

Love Gloved in Hope

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...Hope...

…Hope…

Your gone but not forgotten

Hope holds your face in my mind

Hope prevents your presence from fading, long past the day you faded from me

Hope loses itself in the ecstasy of the songs of hope

Hope imprisons my heart in your hopeless hands

Hope straps itself to my recovery and drags me under again

Then just when I am about to drown…

Hope saves my life and I float to the surface again Read the rest of this entry

Mania, Camping Out and Whoopi!

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When I am in one of my manic spells, if I happen to come across something uplifting, I have a habit of becoming utterly addicted to it for quite some time

A few moons ago I was in said state, and I decided to ‘Camp Out’- which translates to getting all the sofa cushions on the floor and making a little bed out of them… with a duvet under me, a duvet over me, and about 8 pillows propping me up

My lounge is not the largest of rooms and this meant that all visitors were forced to either climb onto the camp bed with me, or to sit on the base of the rather hard sofa frame, fully cushion free, and with a teeny 6 inch gap between the camp and the sofa frame, in which to place their longer than 6 inch feet!

Many of my friends and family were particularly worried about my state of mind at the time, so home was a busy drop in centre, as they periodically came to check that I was still marginally residing on this planet Read the rest of this entry

Holding On to Let Go…

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Being a drinker from the positivity cup for quite some years, I developed a great skill, or what I thought was a great skill. An ability to forget the person who caused me pain when I almost remembered them. What I didn’t realise was this skill was making me extremely sick. When I thought  I was forgetting, I was actually losing my mind in the process. On the surface I was winning, but inside I was rotting; rotting because I was ignoring the poisonous effect of letting go on a conscious level, when my sub conscious was crying out to remember

So now, I have to find a new way. A way that integrates the old days with the new. Or so I thought…

The truth is, the only way is the old way

There is nothing positive about having your heart-broken, the old way knows this, so once again I am a slave to my meandering thoughts

The things that remind me of you have to stay in my conscious mind Read the rest of this entry

The aliens pondered…BUT it’d be so boring!

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Ten Little Aliens

Ten Little Aliens

The Aliens called a meeting, seeing the first and last of a kind in epic gargantuan measures, they thought,… but if we let them have it that way, we’ll have to go back to being bored with no-one to play withAnd everytime they tried to reboot her lately, things were not going to plan and she said, stop being such Doofus’s, you are in on it, part of the crew, on your next scoop through, pick her up and take her with you

Only trouble with that plan was that old Mother Nature could not, by default, leave earth or any of it’s species Read the rest of this entry

Short Number 27 – The Truth about Peter Pan

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Peter Pan was a fucking Pratt!

He ate all the picked peppers and he regurgitated all the pickled peppers,

Peter Pan

Peter Pan The Pop-up Kingdom)

and still all he wanted, was to play in the hay with Pleut Pants

Peter Pan the He/She was a sucker for investing all his eggs in the apparent worst DNA basket on this globe

As I said, Peter was a Pratt! and on the days when he saw clearly, He was a TWAT!

Poor Peterella

(77 words)

Must consider the evil buggers, before the dramatic Do’s and Dont’s of the last last go!;(

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In my worst nightmares the following was true…

I was the only person capable of loving anyone after my first love

Worse than that

I was the only person awake and alert and aware of love, let alone 100% love!

And if love is our creator, and I had the job of being IT for a year ;)…then I would write and speak little about this job in haste (whilst continuing to write reams of bilge for my own chuckle-dom and love of self). BUT back to the big job in hand, I’d say and give little, without first thinking about how a force of evil, may abuse the things I would consider gifts

I hold equal opportunity and freedom high up in my dreams for everyone, but in an ideal world, they only come when the stuff of my dreams is known, that being – all those living are fully aware of perfect love, even if it is something they have lost, or misplaced, or never found, or tried to bury

In finally loving myself as much as everyone else I’ve always loved, I have the motivation and the bravery to say who I am now, what I have been and what I will aim to be – always the best version of myself that I can be, for me. Read the rest of this entry

Ten Line Tooty’s – Number 2 – Hippies Know! That’s why I popped mine right out of it’s socket with overuse!

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I made up a little game some time ago to fill the gap between one drama and another, the rules are/were

1. Choose 10 sentences from your last 10 posts, in order, latest post comes first

2. Make a coherent story from them with as few fill lines as possible

3. Highlight the sentences in a lovely colour (I recommend red but you go ahead and pick your colour, free will is a marvel)

No-one wanted to play with me last time, so again, I ask really politely – Fucking join in thank-you palllleeeease you wonderful little mo-fo’s 😉

A spooky week indeed – The Title – Call me Barry Manilow

Fear or Love? was the question. I choose to love wonder in the guise, the midst, and the disguise of shite, for all the aquariums of ze whole world

I would say, in my infinite wisdom, catch up with this attitude paaaalease, if you haven’t yet I say with my limited patience Read the rest of this entry

Not this time! The Impossible is about to become Possible……

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I don’t know what the force of evil has been up to since the beginning of time; but I am BEGGING you ALL

Begging the world and his mate

Literally begging you to go against every sense you have, ONLY IF every sense you have knows me as bad.

IF you think and/or know I’m good, then go with your senses

Go with or against history

Go with or against the fors and againsts

GO with your feelings, they are ze language of the soul Read the rest of this entry

Wishing and a Dreaming! And Patiently waiting for old Epic Pants

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If I had just one wish (*clears throat*) Even with the ‘If’… *clears throat*

Just one thing to be changed, from an oceans worth of pain

And shame

And blame

And endless lonely games

Attacks on the ‘Insane’

For god only knows what gain

From torture and maim

One Wish

I wish I could fly…

I wish I could spread my arms out like a superhero

And just fly away every time, every time their daggers stabbed me, I’d forget the pain and fly all the way around the world and back

I hope next time, I come back as a large white bird like the one from that night in Aberdeen, or an excessively pampered cat/dog merge thingamy.

That is, if I ever get the chance to be re-born as someone other than me, this, her, it… Read the rest of this entry

‘Counting My Blessings’ (‘Friendssings’)…with a big old smile on my face :)

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 These last 2 weeks, between them, my dearest mates and my utterly fabulous sister have had me cry with laughter and love, soooo many times… through the hilarity and drama we all seem to be continuously steeped in 🙂

We’ve been on roads of discovery, naughty-ness, stress, change, inspiration, not to mention mind opening rants of world-changing, and epic proportions. There have been highs and lows and dramas galore, but more than anything, it has been special, simply because they have all been so present…

It’s been like 2 weeks of ‘Friends Sandals Heaven’

Added to this, I cannot stop watching the utterly inspiring clip of Read the rest of this entry

Sorry has evolved from ‘Hum Drum to Fun’

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Once upon a time…

Sorry used to be a difficult thing to say

But with the birth of the wondrous World Wide Web, there are now countless ways to apologise, and to be honest, searching for them borders on pleasurable. So I say, if you’re not quite sure whether you should be sorry or not ;)… just plunge in and apologise anyway. It’s not like the old days anymore 😉

You can do it

Like This

Or Like This

Or Like This

Or Like This

Or Like This

Or Like This…

Plunge People 😉

Imagination… and its late uptake

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When I was at school, I wasn’t phased by the work in general. I had no problem with algebra or saying…

“Hello, I have a brown pony” in German.

But there was always one phrase that terrified me!

It came when the teacher said, at the end of the speech

“Use your imagination”

WHAT???

I had none, none. I could not think of anything that I didn’t already know. There was no imagination in my world, just facts, figures, events and memories. And I was a miserable little swine when I was small…and I just figured out why

Because I had no access – to this facet of my ‘whole’….I had no real fire; no fire at all… Read the rest of this entry

Education Schmeducation!

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learning to ride a bike - _MG_2933

I was thinking today about – how utterly useless school is.

And it’s such a great shame, ‘cos all them hours and years could have been spent teaching us wonderful things, things that may have inspired us to chase our dreams!

Take geography, I have no idea what this subject is about after 10 years of learning about it, for one hour a week. What I do remember, is once learning about layers of soil, and wet soil, and dry gritty soil!

And now….I don’t give a shit where I am in the world, in fact, I don’t know where I live on the map (no shame, I just don’t care)

BUT, my lordy lord…Why oh why didn’t my geography teachers show me photo’s of the 7 Wonders of the World? Is this not a better start to igniting geographical fire, than soil?

Doofus’s! Read the rest of this entry

After this week’s tagging fiasco… Word-Press is back in my good books

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(YouTube is bobbing between devilish and wondrous!)

Reason being, I’ve been having an Amy Winehouse reminisce day, in between the shopping, washing up, writing about quantitative evidence, and other soul killing tripe. And I clicked on one of the old recordings that I posted here on Word-Press… one random day, long long ago.

AND OMG! 🙂 There in front of me was one of MY many old lost YouTube channels

The one with 197 rare videos of Amy that I spent DAYS finding. Damn the collaboration of YouTube and Google for making the hell known as Gmail. Have you ever tried retrieving an account from these people?

It like being interrogated by the CIA, then 3 days later! 3 days… (It’s not a cheque Google) ;)… you get an email saying ‘Computer says NO’…It’s not your account luv

Erm well actually, it is! They all are!

I don’t know when I last logged in?! Or who I said I said my favourite uncle was?! I don’t actually write an uncle’s name here…Does anyone? Read the rest of this entry