Tag Archives: mental health

‘Blessing My Blessings’…From Facts To Feeling,

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In the quest to cheer the fooook up before I keel over….I have, on numerous occasions, written lists of all my blessings and I have to say; I’m lucky to have a pretty long list. However, I don’t think a name/one word summary does many favours to covey the richness and depth of goodness, that some of the people and things on my list, bring to my life.

BlessingsThe trouble with lists :- When I read the list back to myself, I can’t help but feel like, the act of blessing the blessings’  (giving them the level of appreciation they deserve and hold), gets minimized and becomes almost mechanical. FEELING gratitude rather than NOTING gratitude, make for 2 very different states of mind

Sooooo, ramble ramble, the long and short of it is – I am going to try to capture the essence of the people and circumstances on my list, one at a time…I am going to savour slowly, all that I have, by really digging down into each separate person or place, noting their qualities, our experiences, our memories, and anything else that I associate with the people on my list

Read the rest of this entry

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Getting Naked… Depression Is Her Skin

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What I never talk straight about

Depression!

Basically, my mental health has deteriorated to the point of complete ‘stoppage’ in all areas of my life. I’ve been living in my arm-chair for as long back as I can remember

Most days, I can’t even summon the will to bathe and brush my teeth

Sooooo…I’ve been fighting against the tide of my mental illnesses for nearly ten years and I’ve finally given up

Literally, physically, and psychologically…I’m fucked, tired, confused, astounded, grateful, defensive, paranoid, scared and my heart hurts

But this giving up thing only feels bad when I have an idea or a longing for something in my future, then I remind myself…’Dawn, you’ve given up, stop thinking about all that crap’ Read the rest of this entry

Medicated Memories…I’m Everything Without Contents!

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I’m angry without the anger

I care with flatlined clichéd pity

Without others I could slip by, abandoned

What is a soul without memories

***

In solace I know I’ve been stolen

Repressing all that makes me

Pushing away my spirited version of chatter

Sitting firmly on top of rusty springs

Bearing heavy….Heavy on the heart

*** Read the rest of this entry

The Cat is Out Of The Bag :(

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Any comments, details, information or advice would be much appreciated, given the dynamics

I can no longer blind my eyes to it everywhere I look, everywhere I listen, everything I read and all the double meaning chatter, is there for a reason, but is it truth or pretend plan a.b.c.d?The Cat's Out of the Bag by John Kahn

The reality that is constantly showing itself to me, is far too sick and shocking for a person to take

It is entirely possible that ‘the schizophrenic card’ is at work, but my gut tells me otherwise!

Can something so ugly really have been going on? Still going on?

Dear Old Friends of Mine, I’m ready to listen and I shall be slow and meticulous in the art of ‘discernment’

For the Babies who did not ask to be born

I guess not then… and Thank God it was a story, a sick one, but just a story it was, or maybe a daydream, or the description of someone’s nightmares

 

A Great Philosopher Once Wrote…A Poem

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poetA poem begins with a painful emotion

Always and Forever

A poem tells a story, but the words present themselves a new in prose

Always and Forever

A poet is a soul who is torn and lost

Always and Forever

Poetry adds invisibility and ambiguity to every word chosen

Always and Forever

A poem is inspired by two things…regret or pain

Always and Forever Read the rest of this entry

My Vision for Improving Mental Health for Patients and Professionals Alike…

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I would be extrememly grateful for any opinions you have on this dear readers, as I want to take this to my NHS trust in the hope some of the ideas and viewpoints are viable… the goal being to improve service to patients, and to give professionals more confidence and room to utilise their unique ways of caring, leading to a higher sense of satisfaction for all involved.

Its a bit messy and not the finished draft, but pre-tweek, i’d soooooooo appreciate your views if you have some time to read it. Danke Danke 🙂

The number’s for the numbered points have disappeared in the copy and paste transfer…as have all the references! I’m sure we all know why, anyhoo, the main bones are here!

Good Doctors are never forgotten. Good practice changes lives. Poor practice can destroy them. 

   Anxiety, Mental Illness & Ethics for Change

 

Guidance to Treat Anxiety alongside other Mental Health Issues – For Primary & Secondary Care Workers

1.       The True Scale of Anxiety in ‘Mentally Ill Patients’

2.       Anxiety Kills!

3.       A Safe Place is Vital…

4.       The Things We All Feel When Were Mentally Unwell

5.       Simplify and Believe. When Will The Culture of Distrust Dissolve?

6.       The Questionnaire

7.       6 Ways to Nurture Hope…

8.       6 Things We Will Do For You (Immediately)

9.       6 Weeks Alone – Mind The Gap

10.   6 Steps to Great Care – Back to Basics…

11.  No More Double Standards – Say Goodbye To Stigma

 Guidance to Treat Anxiety alongside other Mental Health Issues – For Secondary Care Worker Read the rest of this entry

The 333’s of 2013 – Borderlines, Love, Help of Hope, Therapy for a Life :)

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The 7th story in my little writing challenge for 2013. Each line must begin with a word that starts with the same letter as the last word on the line before it. 3 words in a line, 33 lines in ze story…

WHY? Cos I LOVE the number 3 🙂

……….

It’s been yearsseven 1

Years? How many?

Millions, or seven

So I re-touched

Reading your sheets

So much advice

All so relevant

Rivers away then

Theory, fantasy, wishfulseven 2

We did it!!!

I’m confused..What?

We fixed some

Simply by trying

Test me please!

Paul said NO Read the rest of this entry

Dear Body, I’m Sorry…

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Dear Body,

Considering our history, you may find some of the words written here, very difficult to believe. Probably because of the way I used to see you

That does not make them any the less true…

I’m sorry for mocking your dimpled thighs. I wish it was just mocking that needed a mention, but hatred was/is in there too…body 3

You have carried me for 34 long years, and in that time I have done nothing to nourish you. Instead I have pumped you full of junk food, drugs, alcohol and nicotine, just to name a few of many unhealthy substances Read the rest of this entry

Chemically Induced Writers Block! (‘A Sucks)…

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Chemically induced writers blocksocks 1

Creative juices live in brain socks

Bare feet tip toe around my grey matter

Producing a streamlined flow of chatter

Socks on the toes desensitize me

Socks off the toes sends my grey bits crazy

Quetiapine sucking my dopamine

Rinsing my brain like a grandiose spring clean

Leaving nothing like it was when it was old,

Sucking my emotions til coldsocks

Chemically induced writers block

Stealing my stories, hidden in brain socks

After I was Broken, I Learnt About Before…

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Before I judge, I try to really look

Before I see, I remember the manuscript was longer than the book

Before I decide, I ask myself what makes me an expert

Before I classify, I realise complexity makes a recipe for a convert

Before I write you off, I remember how painful life can be

Before I label, I know that no-one understands you like He

Before anything, I know there is context, circumstance, reason and feeling

Before lectures, I try wondering how you might be reeling

Before damnation, I ask myself why you could be lying

Before giving up on you, I realise when you’re lying, you’re not crying Read the rest of this entry

Bin The Labels…and Please Make Way For The Connections

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If I ruled the world, I would begin by eradicating labels from society…ALL of them (almost)

There would be no – Black, White, British, Spanish, Old, Young, Liberal, Conservative, Sociopath, Bi Polar, Cancer, Farmer, Waitress, Unemployed, Married, Single, Disabled, labels 1Blind, Forgiving, Vengeful, Kind, Generous, Sweet, Cruel, Upper Class, Learning Difficulties, Healthy, Sick, Damaged, Fixed etc

When I studied sociology, I learnt about the importance of labels. I was taught that when a new label was introduced to mainstream language, it was a reflection of a ‘groups’ needs being recognised.labels

I was also taught that when a new label replaces an old one, such as the change from ‘Spastic‘ in the 80’s; to ‘A person with Learning Difficulties‘ in the 2000’s; the change is a reflection of a group trying to shed the stigma of being attached to a label that is mocked/ridiculed/mistreated/misunderstood/considered lesser

Sociology aside, life has taught me more about labels than any academic theory ever could. Read the rest of this entry

10 Random Things I Think

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I think the world is far weirder than one person could ever even imagine, let alone grasp or fully understand/know

I think the biggest damn between people, is made entirely of presumption shaped bricks

I think I am a least partially tapped of mind, never to be untapped againi think

I think there are levels on the way to evolving as a species, and I believe we won’t get to the highest ones until we abandon money and the RIDICULOUS human invention known as – the economy

I think people are a lot kinder deep down than they think they are

My nan used to say, thought thought he’d shit himself, but when he looked he’d only farted 🙂 lol… nice one Grandma Bunn 🙂

I think the way we allow our old people to be treated is a disgrace, and we should be utterly and entirely ASHAMED

I think people are most lacking free time in the West, and free time is needed for reflective thought to be touched upon, and for growth and change to be considered, rather than reactive

I think I think too much for my own good

I think love has more power than any other force on this earth

Another Book Intro. I’m not so sharp at Ending. Oh well…Practice makes Perfect (Or Practice makes Completion even…that would be Nice) :)

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Chapter 1

Self preservation really is an inbuilt instinct after all…

It’s wasn’t until poor Sarah was out of the metaphorical fire, that she began to see more than just the tip of the dagger, just past the end of her nose.

6 months later, she had side swiped all the weapons and embraced the ‘fluffy-ness of life’ with all of her might; and as expected by those who knew her better than she knew herself, she was 110 percent ready for her 1st presentation

She could see by the look in her God Mothers eyes that she had disappointed her again, but she couldn’t let the pain of that knowledge overcome her willingness to talk to them

She had promised, and she felt that it was the least she should do

Just before she began her address to the many nervous sets of eyes in the dusty old room, she looked once more at her God Mother, Olivia. Sweet caring Olivia…The feeling of guilt and the reflection of her shame protruded once more; then slipped away as though they had never arrived, to be replaced by joy, so quickly that the feeling felt like an intrusion. A welcome intrusion at that, because it was the feeling she associated with rebellion. Be it the harmless sort, right through to, the utterly potent type

No-one was more shocked by this transformation of feelings, than Sarah herself. Read the rest of this entry

Spooky Fag Related Mini Miracle…

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A while ago, I wrote a post about addiction, and I touched upon my own struggles with a plethora of activities and substances

Addictive Genes and Sad Souls…Do we inherit sadness?

NOW! Smoking cigarettes has always been one addiction that I had no intention of giving up. As many smokers will tell you, it is such a powerful attachment that it entwines itself with the essence of your identity. Yes; it is part of ‘who I am’… rather than a part of ‘what I do’addict 1

I always figured that I’d try to kick every other addiction, and smoking would be the one ‘fix’ that would stay for a lifetime…I was a self-confessed lover of smoking, and there was no guilt attached to this need, unlike the other buggers

ANYHOO

Back to the post on addiction…I recieved a comment saying that my addictions (being so severe) were something only God and The Angels could fix. So, in amongst my prayers, I prayed for healing – re my addictive nature…

I don’t know if you can relate to this, but occasionally I have a thought pop into my head and I somehow know that it didn’t come from anywhere inside of me. Read the rest of this entry

Dear Psychosis…I’ll have my songs back now!!! Thank-you Please!

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I shan’t dwell on the hell of last year, courtesy of a whopping dose of psychotic insanity (I call her/it ‘Ms Psychosis’)…except to tell you that when she comes at you in full force, she steals all of your previous links to memories old and new; and ‘shats’ all over them with her own scary and wholly negative version, of fowl smelling poop!psycho 1

She leaves no stone unturned, no niche untouched… and Ms Psychosis done a sterling job of turning all 506 songs on my iPod, into 506 poxy triggers.

Sooooooo; I’ve decided that I don’t want her infecting my playlists anymore. And I’ve told her she is on the way to being phased right outta town

The triggers don’t just disappear unfortunately, you have to boot them out with gusto, over a period of time

So, when the song begins, it now gets 5 seconds to be a sign of insidious evil squit, and the following 3 or 4 minutes are dedicated to remembering the old and marvellous memories, that come with each and every song that I love…

Sooooooooooo…Ms Psychosis, you get 5 seconds now…and soon you’ll be down to 2!

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Biatch 🙂

Short Number 48 – The Why of Opposites

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Because without fear, we can’t know courageopps

Because without sadness, we can’t know happy

Because without change, we can’t know growth

Because without risk, we can’t know reward

Because without illness, we can’t know health

Because without doubt, we can’t know faithopps 2

Because without lessons, we can’t know freedom

Because we’re human

Because to know we need to stand on that ledge

Until we gain knowledgeopps 1

(66 words)

Short Number 45 – Ouch Random Button, You’re Bad for My Ego ;)

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ouch

“Hey author, I just read 5 of your posts and I have no idea what they were about”

“Hey reader, I am aware of the posts in question. I’m afraid I also have no idea”

“But author, you wrote them”

“Oh reader, I know. They are memoirs courtesy of ‘Ms Insanity Pants’. The day you need to worry is the day you relate”

“Oh author, you have a point!”

“Oh reader, I always have a point, just not a great memory”

(Damn you word limit of 50 😉 – 78 words)

Short Number 44 – Location Location Location Trumps Again! :)

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Being one of the folk termed mentally ill

Sometimes, I feel like I’m the only one, the odd one out, the one who’s stranger than most etc

HOWEVER, if nations all jumbled their citizens about the world, grouping people together based on mental classificationsmenatl

In one country – I’d be ultra normal :)! We could even re-name them and then…

I’d be a proud Citizen of Mentalist Land

With any luck, we’ll get one of the HOT countries

Life would be a blast 🙂menatl 1

(A shocking over type again – 81 words)

There are worst things in this world than slugs! :)

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The conclusion stands until further notice

There may not be any further notices on this subject, maybe there will, either way is cool beans for me!?

At the moment my body is defying movement

It’s never gone on this long, ever, but I know there is some serious healing to be done

The greatest blessing to come from God’s friendship and our faith in each other?

My freedom

I no longer feel the need or desire to chase life’s dreams

If my dream of being a columnist re-ignites, I’ll simply announce myself as a columnist and set up a new blog, simplessssss 🙂

I’m no longer bothered about my bottom of the pile ‘social status’

That is not who I am, only I need to know that Read the rest of this entry