Tag Archives: Perfection

A Letter to My Fix…Addicts and Bandages

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Dear best friend and worst enemy,

Someone asked me about you last week. About what you do for fix 7me and what exactly our relationship to each other is. Whilst you remain indifferent, incapable of caring about which one of us randomer’s uses you; I am somewhat more attached to us and our rendezvous’… Firstly, it was just me and you back when my life was nothing more than a living breathing nightmare, straight from the fiery pits of hell, and worthy of a thousand great horror stories. Me and you. You were the only vehicle capable of taking me between 2 worlds and back to this one again. It was me and you here when all those miracles occurred in front of my eyes, no denying them, or their pure unadulterated life changing essence. You were there when I was too shy to show my other best friends who I had become.

Now I have no idea who I am anymore; so your filling the gap between self acceptance and self-expression until further notice or further bravery, whichever comes first.

Back then, You were there when I couldn’t lfix 8ift my head up off the arm of the chair; when the only time I moved was to go to the loo. When I was so depressed it was an effort to breathe and a daily battle with suicidal fantasies. Yes. Fantasies. I wanted nothing more than to die back then. Read the rest of this entry

That 4 Letter Word…Causes All The Strife, Causes All of Life, Awakens Our Inner Wife, Cuts Like a Knife, Our Fuel For This Life…

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Love ? I love love love you.When God said – Love is all there is… I understand now the depth and breadth of love’s business

When we are all children, its intensity rules all

And the very next heart beat after we first feel it, the fear of losing it ignites

It stays there throughout school

Then there’s all this imperfection and pain in the world

And the only thing that fixes it is the very thing that causes it

Love is the only perfect gift on the planet

But if we give and receive it from a damaged source, it becomes pain filled and painful, blocked, cruel, lost, mis-directed, overwhelming, mis-understood…

At worst, it dresses up as abuse – mental, physical, sexual or spiritual

When 2 people fall in love, it envelopes your insides, causing joy, ecstasy, warmth, addiction, desire, longing, kindness, insanity, inspiration, hope, happiness, thoughfulness

When the bond is damaged it dresses as mistrust, revenge, power, confusion, patience, truth and lies

When illness threatens to break its bond it dresses to fit – as care, dedication, forgiveness, pain, hurt, even what feels like hatred, loyalty, compromise, explanations, ’emotionally charged right up’ love, fear, too much, too little, perception spectacles of many different colours Read the rest of this entry

33 lines of 3’s…Numero 2 – The Waterfall. Eden.

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The second story in my little writing challenge for 2013. Each line must begin with a word that starts with the same letter as the last word on the line before it. 3 words in a line, 33 lines in zee story…

The waterfall mesmorisedwaterfall 1

Many a tourist

Tamzin was surprised

Such strong emotions

Evoked by beauty

Beyond anything previous

(Penzance on Ice)

Ignited her desire

Dancing. Staring. Swimming

Soaking it in

Ingers sat still Read the rest of this entry

Short Number 47 – Regression Heaven…Kingston Town

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Jenny was beyond excited 🙂 regress

She drifted off…

1 hour later she was back in the room

The regression therapist barely got a word out…

Jenny interruptedregress 2regress 4

“Me 1st…Was I a Jamaican Joint Smoking Smiler ?”

“I quote…You immediately asked 2 questions”

1) Want some Reefa ?

2) Where’s me waterfall ?regress 1

Jenny beamed at Lou and said… “I bloody knew it! I may be as white as a sheet now; but a gal never forgets her roots ” 🙂

(64 words)

Gone Too Soon! 3 Legends in 3 Years

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Whitney – How could anybody not be transfixed by such talent and beauty. Truly a face and a voice you could get lost in forever. A pitch perfect picture perfect princess! Whitney dragged me through childhood and adolescence and out to the other side.

Michael Jackson – Another deep musical love of mine that developed in my teens. And this performance, in my opinion, is MJ at his best. The expression on his face when he is singing the last-minute; captures his magic, his talent and his passion in its entirety. It often brings me to tears; and it moves me to my very core… Read the rest of this entry

Baby-Gate @ Dawny’s! How What Who When WHAT?????

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I have been walloped with the longings of my biological clock! For 20 years I was 100% sure that I didn’t wanna make any mini Dawny’s

It would seem I am now 100% clucking, at the utterly entrancing wonder of every tiny little human that passes me by! baby 5

I just hope the 1000 reasons why I should not be a mother, continue to keep me from running outside and hollering

“Man wanted to father wondrous human, if you’re genetically sound, doooo come in and kindly knock me up” 😉 Read the rest of this entry

Social Status, Success and Happiness – Love like a Lioness

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When I was little, my Mum told me over and over that all she ever wanted me to be – was happy

I went through a phase of wishing that instead, she had told me she wanted me to chase my dreams.

Then I learnt some lessons, gained some knowledge, and experienced an awakening inside me…of ‘God’ and of ‘Spirituality’. It produced a feeling so far past perfection, there are no words to describe it, no words to do justice to the moment, no route out of it, or away from it. I sobbed tears of pure joy…This moment alone, made me what I am, and made my life somehow, already complete

If I go back a bit in time; I spent some years in the rat race, until illness took me out of it; and before I felt that feeling, I was struggling to keep up with the rest of the world, failing miserably and marching towards finishing my degree and getting a ‘good job’. Thinking I’d be happy if I could just get those 2 things ‘sorted’.

But; back to that feeling…It was love, unity, peace and maybe just maybe, it was a brief moment spent in the spandangly wonder that is the ‘One-ness’. For that moment, the upper level of the experience was perfection in its purest form…and the under current was a safe and warm message that ‘everything is OK’ Read the rest of this entry

Just Beautiful! Peace…Dudes and Dudettes! :)

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A couple of years ago, I came out of my shrinks office into the waiting area, and I saw this poem on the wall. Unfortunately I cannot give credit to the author ‘cos I can’t make out the name. I was on lithium at the time (a mood stabiliser)- which doesn’t make you shake; it makes you rattle!… So; it took about 8 attempts to get a photo with words just clear enough to read, and it sits by the side of my bed. When I’m ‘blue’ it reminds me of the beauty we are surrounded by, and the peace to be found within nature…So with thanks to the unknown wibbly author…I hope he/she doesn’t mind me sharing this beautiful poem for you to enjoy!

Man has taken for granted too long, the beauty of the planet he dwells upon

Never become complacent with nature

The spirit communes in awe

To be surrounded by its energy calms the most troubled of souls

Mountains, forests, endless skies and wilderness

The Earth, the Sun, Moon and Stars

Every Human spirit, however tainted lost or corrupt

Can be made complete.

Quiet

At peace

Even the lowliest misanthrope.

You are…

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You are the only one who makes me want to go back in time

You are the one who made our life a fairytale

You are the one I feared losing most

You are the one who came at the worst possible time

You are the one who deserved every single thing I ever gave to anyone else

You are the one I cannot remember without trying to forget how much I loved you Read the rest of this entry

Dear Church, I’ve sent you a little letter this week…Love God!

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Whilst browsing WordPress today, I came across this great entry…

Courtesy of – muchmorethannear.wordpress.com

One part in particular (shown below in pink) caught my eye, so I’ve decided to join the gang of authors, with my own version of –

‘Gods latest letter to the church’

“I wonder what God might write in a letter to our church today? I recently asked our leadership team to prayerfully write such a letter and to pass them on to me without talking about their content with each other. My hope is that although they will inevitably reflect their human authors, their personalities and interests, that as I read them alongside each clear patterns might emerge as the Spirit speaks. I am a firm believer that all believers have access to God through the Spirit, and so I extend this challenge to you too.”

Click here to read the full article –

http://muchmorethannear.wordpress.com/2012/10/03/dear/

If you decide to do the same, pretty please direct me to your own letter’s, as I’d love to read them.

OK…Here goes my little love note

Dear sweet children of mine,

I am writing you this letter for many reasons, but I’ll start with my main point, which is of course…To tell you how much I love you

The title and shape of the church you stand in, makes no difference to our friendship. A church can be any place at all if you just call it a church. A field, a kitchen, a cathedral or a mosque. If you truly trust in me and my copious amounts of love, you will hopefully understand this point. Read the rest of this entry

Memories – Leytonstone to Basildon swathed in Musical Bliss

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About 20 years ago, my brother had just passed his driving test and he purchased an ultra stylish Volvo estate 🙂 complete with beige plastic interior…

Nice Motor!

Note – It was the era where girls and boys spent hours making ‘smooch mixes’ on cassette…The slow dance at the end of a party was a cultural benchmark of the 80’s ‘new romantics’

We decided to go for a drive down to Basildon to see my Nan, and Leigh was obsessed with this particular song at the time. So; I had to wait for about an hour and a half before we could leave; whilst he recorded it (real-time)

Finally, he filled the entire A and B side of the tape and off we went

In spite of the fact that he was driving the most uncool car known to man (at age 18)…we were feeling pretty special 😉 Read the rest of this entry

Utterly Undeniably Enchanting Little Number

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I don’t know what this song does to me, or why, or how it does it…But I am truly madly deeply in love with it

Yep…5 minutes later and I still have no words that will do, to describe its wonder, except to say it is like magic medicine for my soul

I hope you enjoy…Happy Thursday

Love Film Madam? No I love YOU!

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Gorgeous fridge magnet  People people people! I have just been in to the city centre on a hunt for a new hat…you would not believe how hard it is to find a new groovy hat, in a city with more shops than children

Anyway, I managed to find a little beauty in TK Maxx and I was strolling home when I was stopped by this guy who was mouthing something in my direction…I couldn’t hear what he was saying ‘cos I had my head phones in, but I was hoping he said

‘Excuse me madam, would you like to run to the mall toilets or your gaff…to have your wicked way with me?’

Unfortunately, when I tore my headphones out of my ears like a wild woman and said

‘Excuse me?’… He said Read the rest of this entry

Ponder of EPIC Proportions

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(Do you think I’m not in pain? I hurt too, pain hides in anger and strength comes from weakness, weakness comes from the fear of more pain and hurt) Fears opposite IS LOVE

Being hated hurts, tenderness makes it easier, the truth hurts but it forces us to find solace in truth

Cover of "Alien Quadrilogy (Alien/ Aliens...

Let go

If Aliens made nature, that would suggest that nature is un-natural

If Aliens made nature from un-natural sources, how did natures perfection exist and persist

How do the flowers know when to bloom? Really?

If Aliens made the universe, who made them?

If Aliens know that the soul does not exist, how come unnatural natural humans, know it does?

What came first…The chicken or the egg?

Why does it matter what order they came in?

They are here and surely thats more relevant, to ponder on how, is going back over old turf, what’s the point?

If Aliens made the universe, who let them do so?

Who made the matter possible, where did the matter get its wisdom from?

If Aliens made humans without a heart, how come humans know they were made with love in their insides?

I’d say a pretty strong force would have been responsible for all that ‘non force’ related phenomena

Who came first? The monster or the beauty?

Does it matter?

If propaganda in Truman style has been happening, what propaganda have they been subjected to, the makers of the propaganda?

They would say NONE, and that is the trouble…

While you’re watching me and others, who’s watching you?

Truth in history is love laughing at you for being sooooo sure!

And who made the existence of a universe possible in the first place? Now that is one question that might be highly important!

Short Number 29 (I can’t count) Fred and Vera

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They had been married for 50 years

They were cute to watch

I asked them what their secret was

Vera said – We agreed that we were forever, so all the obstacles became problems to solve, instead of reasons to part

Fred said – I couldn’t live without her love, she is my fuel

Word Count – 51

Judgy Wudgy Pants/ Dear Oh Law Dawny, never small scale!

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I have a little bit of ‘tude… and a selection of feelings/emotions and reactions, feeding the general mood and conclusions of this spillage!

Pretty sure you won’t make it to the end. Note to self – OH MY GOD I bloody love my pretty page, and an idea for new wallpaper is firmly sorted!

Back to a rather long-winded moan/analysis/poke around/thanks/oh balls/less judgy wudgy hypocrisy, in my CD-rom soul.

All delivered through my strange eyes, stranger life happenings, and the humble yet positively trappy opinions I own as of now

In short, me spilling AGAIN! 🙂

Firstly, as I traipsed onto my page after a short break, I just had to chuckle at the utter mental-ness of my entries of late, which was induced by a number of rather shocking changes to my identity. As one of my dear friends summed up as good reason for my shifting perception – I am maliable. I would have to say on a short note Read the rest of this entry

The Funny Revolution where no-one gets hurt! Just the stuff of dreams

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Week 1- The England version

 

 

 

They all went to the local supermarket and bought EVERYTHING they would need to get them through the following 2 weeks, so they didn’t have to spend a penny anywhere at all for 2 weeks minimum, after the cheese, petrol, milk, bread, jam and Fosters were sorted, they followed step 2

Step 2 – They visited every charity shop in town, selecting the most vile items of clothing EVER, ensuring that the sum total of their items for their entire outfit could not look any worse if they tried when put together,
Tis funny dressing like a twat and you will derive great joy just looking at the hideous bits of clothing we actually liked once upon a time

         

Step 3, they went onto YouTube and learnt the most epically hilarious dance routine or 3, it was all very chuckle some and empowering and at worst, a rather great build up to a good weeks holiday from work

Step 4- at the speed of light they sent the message (the secret one that detailed the end results of the game), freedom, equality and a baseline amount of money that eradicates poverty and the worries that come with it, they sent it to every street in their community (the whole nation) Read the rest of this entry

Pretend all you like, but be tender with me please….

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Goosebumps (TV series)

Area 51

The USA and the way they lend themselves to a fallacy

The secrets in the wards for the insane

The Baby Boomers

The Big Brother Curse

Black and White Magic

Anime and its English counterpart

Every Stephen and every Bob Read the rest of this entry