Dear Psychosis…I’ll have my songs back now!!! Thank-you Please!

I shan’t dwell on the hell of last year, courtesy of a whopping dose of psychotic insanity (I call her/it ‘Ms Psychosis’)…except to tell you that when she comes at you in full force, she steals all of your previous links to memories old and new; and ‘shats’ all over them with her own scary and wholly negative version, of fowl smelling poop!

She leaves no stone unturned, no niche untouched… and Ms Psychosis done a sterling job of turning all 506 songs on my iPod, into 506 poxy triggers.

Sooooooo; I’ve decided that I don’t want her infecting my playlists anymore. And I’ve told her she is on the way to being phased right outta town

The triggers don’t just disappear unfortunately, you have to boot them out with gusto, over a period of time

So, when the song begins, it now gets 5 seconds to be a sign of insidious evil squit, and the following 3 or 4 minutes are dedicated to remembering the old and marvellous memories, that come with each and every song that I love…

Sooooooooooo…Ms Psychosis, you get 5 seconds now…and soon you’ll be down to 2!

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Biatch 🙂

Advertisements

Top Ten Tips for Fighting Psychosis

Mental Health Month Poster

Recently I went through a truly hellish episode of psychosis that lasted 8 months (and in some ways 3 years). Delusions were forming and growing, on and off, for those years; but the 8 month period when it peaked was truly the most horrific, debilitating, life stealing, petrifying, confusing, lonely, hideous, exhausting, depressing, soul shattering suicidal experience of my life. I could write for 10 hours and be unable to offer even an outline of the description of my delusions…

As per usual, the mental health team were about as useful as a chocolate fire guard, I sincerely have no idea what these people do all day; but tending to the mental health of their patients seems to be an alien concept to them. 7 years on from my diagnosis and I still struggle to get any positive suggestion from them. Bloody morons! After several admissions to hospital I was forced to re-engage with them (I’ve discharged myself from their care (clears throat) umpteenth times, as they do fuck all except stress me out). So; I asked time and time again for some skills to deal with my reality, some practical advice, some help, some words of encouragement… something, anything, just one little tool. In the end, they decided a leaflet on volunteering and a referral to the therapy group I’ve already been to, would suffice. Again, bloody morons. The group is great for a drop of depression or intolerance, but neeeee way does it even touch upon the unique experience of a psychotic break… so I thought I would share my tips, on how I began to escape the 24 pit stop from hell…

‘Psychosis is a necessity; for the emotional development of certain people’?(Moi, 2012)

I think it would be a fair generalisation to say that : – People who suffer from periods of psychosis, tend to be thinkers. Not just in bouts of insanity; but all the time…

I’ve just mind meandered onto this odd theory/definition of psychosis…

‘Psychosis is a necessity; for the emotional development of certain people’ 😉 (Moi, 2012)

Thinkers can fall into the trap of over thinking and under feeling. If you’re a thinker, you’re likely a problem solver… and before you know it, you’ve totally lost touch with your feelings because you’ve rationalised the shit out of; not feeling anything

But when delusions loom, in my experience…they are always intrinsically linked to 3 things

Fear/Terror

Shame

Pain

For me at least, these 3 categories cover everything that I choose not to dwell on as a thinker. Everything I don’t want to feel sits under these umbrellas…

Osmosis Psychosis! Here again… But how did I get here; and when exactly did I arrive?

‘Osmosis Psychosis’

This is the definition of osmosis : – The gradual, often unconscious, absorption of knowledge or ideas through continual exposure rather than deliberate learning

How bizarre that I didn’t know what it meant until today; but the phrase ‘osmosis psychosis’ has been playing in my head; in notes A and C respectively…for hours.

It is so bizarre being in this state. It’s not like the movies, I’m fully here; but I don’t see the same things as you do here. I’m not talking about visions and colours and dragons upon the walls

I’m talking a shift in perception to the reality we share

And then there are other realities; they vary in number and severity and mood each time. This time there are 4 others

They involve the flu jab for staff who are in on the plan; some kind of connection to the injection of cancer into patients through the innocuous guise of a necessary injection

National Express Thought Spillage 4

Image via Wikipedia

Some might say it isn’t safe, not on my mind, and maybe not for my actual physical existence.

Some might say I visited a place called danger in the physical world, and I collected a citizen from the city centre.

But there are others

… that say my mind took the citizen to a place called the edge of danger, on the corner of terror, and it is