However many items come through the letterbox today, they all count as cards, so DO tell your friends you got 2-7 cards. (With today’s junk mail levels, you’re pretty much guaranteed 2, minimum)
DO NOT shave your legs and if possible, you will have abstained from shaving for long enough to tong your leg hairs into beautiful ringlets!
DO eat something enormously calorific, I’m gonna slam an Indian for 2 whole people, right down me.
DO fondly remember all the past Valentines that you spent with your ex’s, with a symbolic flick of the V’s!
DO spend at least £23 on yourself today; because if you were one of the unlucky few that left it until 6pm on the 13th to buy your other half a card, that is how much you would have paid for said card in Clinton’s!!! (Daylight bastard robbery)
Send everyone you love a text, your mum, smelly grand-dads, best friends, your great uncle twice removed if you’re struggling for contacts (they won’t reply cos they are having sex, but you will have to take note of the abundance of love you have in your life) Read the rest of this entry