Life…Pessimist, Realist and a Jolly Deluded Soul Discuss Ages 0-30

What are life’s biggest universal lessons from the age of 0 – 20 years old?

Pessimist – To learn how to become mildly tolerable to other humans, whilst maintaining the wholly narcissistic qualities we were all born with. Perfecting selfish methods to get whatever self-serving gift we want, whilst life throws crap at us. Crap after crap after more crap that is

Realist – To learn how to speak, think, act and do a variety of tasks; guided by parents, leaders and teachers who hope we will leave school as an independent and reliable ‘social skivvy’s/Capitalist servant’…

Jolly-ist – The wonder years…No responsibilities, our ‘free-est’ time, school days are the best days of your life etc. Childhood is when and where we see the world with beauty, innocence, laughter and love. And the world gives us beauty, innocence, laughter and love back (and a few lessons)

How about years 20 – 30?

Pessimist – 10 years of chasing love with all the wrong people, overcoming the addiction of dating monsters for the drama addiction. Realising the true hell of working 40 hours a week in a job you despise. Learning that there are a very limited number of positions in society that allow true happiness to flourish. Destroy approx 50% of one’s brain cells, consuming copious amounts of drugs/alcohol and fags

You!!! Wonderful Awesome Life Transforming You…You!!!

You are wise and loving, gentle and tender

You took my will, and said “I will bend her”

You turned me into a blade of grass

Pushed that through concrete to prove I can last

Not for the purpose of others, no matter who

This journey has been about just me and You

My best friend, my beloved, my forever protector

Illuminating wisdom on our virtual projector

Leading me or leaving me up front, balanced to perfection

Sometimes you took the blow first, softened the rejection

‘Blessing My Blessings’…From Facts To Feeling,

In the quest to cheer the fooook up before I keel over….I have, on numerous occasions, written lists of all my blessings and I have to say; I’m lucky to have a pretty long list. However, I don’t think a name/one word summary does many favours to covey the richness and depth of goodness, that some of the people and things on my list, bring to my life.

The trouble with lists :- When I read the list back to myself, I can’t help but feel like, the act of ‘blessing the blessings’  (giving them the level of appreciation they deserve and hold), gets minimized and becomes almost mechanical. FEELING gratitude rather than NOTING gratitude, make for 2 very different states of mind

Sooooo, ramble ramble, the long and short of it is – I am going to try to capture the essence of the people and circumstances on my list, one at a time…I am going to savour slowly, all that I have, by really digging down into each separate person or place, noting their qualities, our experiences, our memories, and anything else that I associate with the people on my list

Getting Naked… Depression Is Her Skin

What I never talk straight about

Depression!

Basically, my mental health has deteriorated to the point of complete ‘stoppage’ in all areas of my life. I’ve been living in my arm-chair for as long back as I can remember

Most days, I can’t even summon the will to bathe and brush my teeth

Sooooo…I’ve been fighting against the tide of my mental illnesses for nearly ten years and I’ve finally given up

Literally, physically, and psychologically…I’m fucked, tired, confused, astounded, grateful, defensive, paranoid, scared and my heart hurts

But this giving up thing only feels bad when I have an idea or a longing for something in my future, then I remind myself…’Dawn, you’ve given up, stop thinking about all that crap’

A Hearbreaking Choice, A Second Chance, A Mothers Letters of Love

To my darling daughter… the light of my life and my reason for living! Time has dragged so slowly since I wrote to you last month, I’ve been counting down the days til I could again. I really hope school is still being good to you 🙂 You told me a little bit about your friend Alice in your last letter, she sounds like a great friend! I’d love to hear about your other friends when you next write to me. 

So… has school taught you anything yet that really impressed you? God! As usual, I wanna ask you so much, but also tell you so much…

I want you to know that you can ask or tell me anything, absolutely anything. I’m not only your birth mother, I’m your best friend too. If you can’t go to your parents about something, no matter how wrong or scary or private it feels, you can tell me. I am impossible to shock so when I say anything, I really mean anything 🙂

Anyways, my little spring chicken, guess what!! ?? Thanks to your parents ongoing kindness, we get to see each other in less than 4 months! A  whole day together baby, I’m soooooo looking forward to it. What do you want to do? Where shall we go? I can’t believe your back in my life!!! I feel so blessed and I’m eternally grateful to your parents for this chance to get to know you…my darling daughter

I’ve been thinking like a wild thing about this months topic! I always start by asking myself ‘What do I want my baby girl to know and be?’ After sifting through boys, motherhood, hugs, racism and a ton of other topics, I finally landed on respect. I can only hope that I explain it in a way that makes sense

Getting Sane Without The White Wash

Dead in the head

Meds

One tone

One mood

One state

Mute; inside and out

No thought

No individuality

No words

No identity

No art left inside

A Shell

Leave Everything, Leave Nothing? Leave History or Hell!

IMAGINE…

The world was coming to an end

Were all given a time capsule, inside it is an a4 piece of paper and it reads

As we all know, we are coming to the end of the world and there is nothing we can do to stop it now. However, we believe these capsules may survive the chemical explosion. One day a long long way in the future, someone may find yours. You have 200 words at your disposal

Think of all the languages we have, great teachings, beautiful works of art. The internet, books, movies, bibles, history…All gone

When Insanity, Faith, Welfare, Ignorance and Bullying Collide…We call it Society!!!

Insanity often brings with it, a deep and profound understanding of human nature and all its oddities…Unfortunately, the semi-sane sometimes lack the skills needed to understand other humans, but they try anyway

No-body is ever going to convince me that my friends and family are anything other than ‘fabulous and dedicated’…Paranoia came far later than their ‘wunderbar’ love.

I also think your friends and family are ‘fabulous and dedicated’ … Most people are

If I was a Car!

I would be too big at the back

I would have inconsistent and inexplicable oil needs

Prone to breakdowns during short haul journeys

My battery would be flat often, for no fathomable reason

Every MOT would be filled with never before seen malfunctions

I would accelerate prematurely (formula one styleeee) with ba mere tap on the gas pedal

That 4 Letter Word…Causes All The Strife, Causes All of Life, Awakens Our Inner Wife, Cuts Like a Knife, Our Fuel For This Life…

When God said – Love is all there is… I understand now the depth and breadth of love’s business

When we are all children, its intensity rules all

And the very next heart beat after we first feel it, the fear of losing it ignites

It stays there throughout school

Then there’s all this imperfection and pain in the world

And the only thing that fixes it is the very thing that causes it

Love is the only perfect gift on the planet

But if we give and receive it from a damaged source, it becomes pain filled and painful, blocked, cruel, lost, mis-directed, overwhelming, mis-understood…

At worst, it dresses up as abuse – mental, physical, sexual or spiritual

When 2 people fall in love, it envelopes your insides, causing joy, ecstasy, warmth, addiction, desire, longing, kindness, insanity, inspiration, hope, happiness, thoughfulness

When the bond is damaged it dresses as mistrust, revenge, power, confusion, patience, truth and lies

When illness threatens to break its bond it dresses to fit – as care, dedication, forgiveness, pain, hurt, even what feels like hatred, loyalty, compromise, explanations, ’emotionally charged right up’ love, fear, too much, too little, perception spectacles of many different colours

Steering Ships Am I Now?? All From The Confines of My Memory Foam

As I pondered over my uber-shit sailing skills, I almost felt incompetent until I remembered never applying for the job 😉

The Sea petrifies me, so I’m hopping off deck (soon)

A Sailor! As if !! (SCoff Scoff Scoff Old Chum)

(Ooops, missed some of that call, just heard Noah shouting star something??? I couldn’t hear him over the 2 tigers roaring)

So, I spotted the nearest star and spun the ship rooooond towards it

As I notice 3,000 other stars with a quick whip of the neck, worry sets in

I panic, but then look down at my T-Shirt and see ‘Keep Calm and Go West’

The Co-ordinates and/or compass points are not my forte, so I listened to the team onboard instead, they were singing a 4 part harmony of the classic Welsh anthem ‘Newport’…The Welshie solo’d the line ‘concrete jungle where dreams are made of’ and I hollered

Follow that Green Peace Man to Star

In that sweet moment, I’d realised my buried dream of being a sea-captain! But only if the boats swim sideways…Safety People!

A Philosopher’s Psyche…

A philosopher is born, not educated

A philosopher searches because of the inner turmoil they feel from first breath to last

A philosopher’s natural state is often to rest in sadness

A philosopher teaches themself that everything is an illusion

An honest philosopher will tell you ‘I don’t know’

A deluded philosopher will eventually implode, scattering infinite possibilities into the universe

A wise philosopher changes academic direction

A foolish philosopher drowns in their own open-mindedness, where the waves hold the infinite possibilities

A philosopher confirms nothing and questions everything

A philosopher was not destined for a life on earth

And takes an entire lifetime to find the warmth of home

Author – Unknown

A Great Philosopher Once Wrote…A Poem

A poem begins with a painful emotion

Always and Forever

A poem tells a story, but the words present themselves a new in prose

Always and Forever

A poet is a soul who is torn and lost

Always and Forever

Poetry adds invisibility and ambiguity to every word chosen

Always and Forever

A poem is inspired by two things…regret or pain

Always and Forever

My Vision for Improving Mental Health for Patients and Professionals Alike…

I would be extrememly grateful for any opinions you have on this dear readers, as I want to take this to my NHS trust in the hope some of the ideas and viewpoints are viable… the goal being to improve service to patients, and to give professionals more confidence and room to utilise their unique ways of caring, leading to a higher sense of satisfaction for all involved.

Its a bit messy and not the finished draft, but pre-tweek, i’d soooooooo appreciate your views if you have some time to read it. Danke Danke 🙂

The number’s for the numbered points have disappeared in the copy and paste transfer…as have all the references! I’m sure we all know why, anyhoo, the main bones are here!

Good Doctors are never forgotten. Good practice changes lives. Poor practice can destroy them. 

   Anxiety, Mental Illness & Ethics for Change

 

Guidance to Treat Anxiety alongside other Mental Health Issues – For Primary & Secondary Care Workers

1.       The True Scale of Anxiety in ‘Mentally Ill Patients’

2.       Anxiety Kills!

3.       A Safe Place is Vital…

4.       The Things We All Feel When Were Mentally Unwell

5.       Simplify and Believe. When Will The Culture of Distrust Dissolve?

6.       The Questionnaire

7.       6 Ways to Nurture Hope…

8.       6 Things We Will Do For You (Immediately)

9.       6 Weeks Alone – Mind The Gap

10.   6 Steps to Great Care – Back to Basics…

11.  No More Double Standards – Say Goodbye To Stigma

 Guidance to Treat Anxiety alongside other Mental Health Issues – For Secondary Care Worker

How to Change The World Forever! Press Print from The Armchair! :)

The Day ‘Newling’ Changed The World – Dum Dum Duuuummmmmmmmm!

(click here to visit ‘the future’)

BRISTOL are the latest forward thinkers on ‘Printing their own currency’ (see link below) – With a little SIMPLIFICATION, One currency could be rolled out worldwide with relative ease

Please bear in mind that if you take away stock markets (which are just game playing with numbers on a large-scale) and also, erase the (IDEA) man-made invention called ‘THE ECONOMY’ – Money is worth the cost of the paper and the ink. TOTAL! The whole world trade system and the linking of currencies – are otherwise known as the 2 methods used to maintain the current (corrupted) way of doing things…FOREVER!

SIMPLIFIED Solution – Design and Print Money at home (The rich make up about 2% of the population). The other 98% are normal people, and most normal people live on or below the bread line. For success, the new money ‘goes live’ when most of the 98% know about it. It needs nationwide (and hopefully worldwide) uptake…making it clear to the rich and powerful, that they are seriously outnumbered (as the rich will resist, but only for so long)

98% of the world population are broke! And 98% have the power to change their lives for the better FOREVER!

‘WAGES in Newling’ – I’m happy to set the bank/building society up, and if employers refuse to pay wages in ‘Newling’, I’ll print you off all the ‘Newling’ you need, until the 2% come round to the idea that they can’t win this one. Then Tesco will be giving you your change in ‘Newlings’ 🙂

I Want To Be A Tree!

From seed to enlightment, I hope we’ll all be trees

                            A lifetimes worth of avenues, littered with coloured leaves

All that we do, make our rings

               All that we learn ring the rings, we get wider, sturdier

as our essence find solid

The 333’s of 2013 – Borderlines, Love, Help of Hope, Therapy for a Life :)

The 7th story in my little writing challenge for 2013. Each line must begin with a word that starts with the same letter as the last word on the line before it. 3 words in a line, 33 lines in ze story…

WHY? Cos I LOVE the number 3 🙂

……….

It’s been years

Years? How many?

Millions, or seven

So I re-touched

Reading your sheets

So much advice

All so relevant

Rivers away then

Theory, fantasy, wishful

We did it!!!

I’m confused..What?

We fixed some

Simply by trying

Test me please!

Paul said NO

Our Forever Changing ‘Shadow of Self’ – The Two Wolves

Twice this week I have come across a quote you’ve probably all heard

“A fight is going on inside me,” said an old man to his son. “It is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other wolf is good. he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you.”

The son thought about it for a minute and then asked, “Which wolf will win?” 

The old man replied simply, “The one you feed.”
― Wendy Mass, Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life

This got me thinking about a section from the book – ‘Conversations with God’…It basically said that due to the human need for duality (which is required in order to find meaning in this life) God is, and always has been ‘ALL OF IT’.

He (or Life) created on Earth a system including…good and bad, lies and truth, joy and pain, morals and anarchy, gluttony and hunger, poverty and riches etc. He (or life) created these opposites so that we may know ourselves, and also re-define ourselves as we change and grow. We do this by relating our traits to the attributes of the 2 wolves

This got me thinking about our shadows

Dear Body, I’m Sorry…

Dear Body,

Considering our history, you may find some of the words written here, very difficult to believe. Probably because of the way I used to see you

That does not make them any the less true…

I’m sorry for mocking your dimpled thighs. I wish it was just mocking that needed a mention, but hatred was/is in there too…

You have carried me for 34 long years, and in that time I have done nothing to nourish you. Instead I have pumped you full of junk food, drugs, alcohol and nicotine, just to name a few of many unhealthy substances

Mergence of Sarcasm and Magnificence = ‘Life’s Heady Heights’ @ Dawny’s

SUCCESS is wholly subjective 

When the theme tune for Jeremy Kyle tickles my ear drums, the rush of ‘feel good chemicals’ go wild in the aisles of my brain…and it is in joyful moments like these, when I feel most successful 🙂

When Meredith’s mother told her to be extraordinary; she didn’t mean an extraordinary surgeon, she meant an extraordinary person!

I wrote the following, when I had the ‘royal hump’ and it’s rather sarcastic and self (+ existence) deprecating! (AND also, sadly true :))

I decided this year was gonna be theeeee year of my life! (After year 33 went a little ‘tits up’ to say the least)