There’s Nowt as Grand as Laughter! Thankyou Brittany

I’ve had a rather emotional couple of hours tonight; at one point I was feeling ‘bloody lost and miserable’ on an epic scale…Po Bilar Mood Swing? Probably, maybe, who knows?…

ANYHOO

I discovered a blog called ‘Creativity Arise’

Just like magic, I read quite possibly, (no actually… definitely) one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard

In a post about the end of the world (http://creativityarise.com/2012/12/20/the-world-is-coming-to-an-end/)

Brittany mused…

“Why in the ham sandwich are we listening to the Mayans anyway?”

“WHY IN THE HAM SANDWICH?”

Comedy GOLD! I am still laughing now, hours later

THANK-YOU Brittany for snapping me right out of morose town in a mere second, with your absolute classic!

I fully intend to remind myself of this phrase everyday from now til’ death!

Tickled…Pink 🙂

Chortle Chortle…Ich Liebe Dich/ 50 Press Ups and Run For Your Life! ;)

My Wunderbar sister Lil Trissus, showed me this little E-card yesterday, which made me chuckle my ass off ;). When I first heard ‘I Love You’ in German (Ich Liebe Dich), it did indeed sound more like a military command than an expression of love…

When I finally stopped chuckling at the E-card (below)

She followed with this highly amusing ‘Shit Happens’ list…It defines the exact meaning of ‘Shit Happens’, from just about every religious and philosophical viewpoint known to man.

Dooooooo Enjoy! 🙂

AND ze ‘Shit Happens’ list can be found ere – http://www.fprintf.net/isms.html

Happy Saturday Peeps 🙂

If you can’t get a life; At least reach for some thoughts…you ‘Bitter Buggers!’ ;)

Evolve people PLEASE! For Betty's Sake!

As a rule, I’m not a judgy person

I have an ability to see two sides of most situations; so when I see someone behaving like a twat, I can normally find some inner mercy for their idiot views/behaviours. Cos we’re all the way we are; because of where we’ve been and what happened when we got there!

However

My blind spot lies in my upbringing in Jolly Old Leytonstone. For all the many cultures I lived amongst, for all the differences I’ve bounced between, there was a steady message that permeated the lot in sunny East London, back in the day…

You DO NOT grass!

And you certainly DO NOT grass to the powers that be…

Unfortunately this little lesson didn’t reach 120 miles down the road

TRAGIC, in the eyes of Dawny…

During the last hose pipe ban in Norfolk, 35,000 people made the effort to sign onto the web, type in ‘Grass hotline number for Anglian Sewerage Co please’…and then they paid 20p to grass their next door neighbour up, for washing their car!

WTF??? Do any of you even know who has a hose pipe or an outside tap in your street?

The Curse of the Blogging Student…

Once you’ve been exposed to writing for your own, unrestrained narcissistic pleasure, your studies will be ruined FOREVER!

I used to enjoy the challenge of finding the ‘bestest’ and most eloquent phrases to explain my evidence

There was a day when I felt passion typing sentences like this :-

Dahlgren and Whiteheads diagram (Bird and Whitehead, 2012, p. 51) includes age, constitution and sex; drawing the powerful medical discourse, into the analysis. Marmot’s wide concept of the causes of health inequalities; allows all the evidence from different socioeconomic circumstances, to be considered in relation to health.

Until; the discovery of blogging. I found myself spreading my little writing wings, and I got to ramble on about sociology and Erving Goffman, whilst slipping in phrases such as ‘Trust the Goff’ and ‘He was one of the spangliest social thinkers ever to grace our pooey earth’…

AND

Now that I have experienced the joy of being able to write spangly in a sentence

Now that I’ve been exposed to the wonder of being allowed to wink when I’m writing…well; my essays of joy have become

DRY DRY DRY AND PAINFUL AND…DRY

In spite of all the bilge I write here, I have never been so drained and bored, reading my own shite, as I was this morning (hard to believe I know ;))

Erin Brockovich is my Hero…This deleted scene confirms it! ;)

Julia as Erin...

For anyone who doesn’t know about this amazing lady, this is how she became famous in a nutshell.

Without any legal training whatsoever, she kicked corporate ass to the tune of billions. Because the bastards at ze corporation, murdered thousands of people with their dirty poisonous vile chromium 6. She is a ‘ballsy’, american, deep south drooling, foul-mouthed angel; with more heart than Mother Theresa, and more ‘real life balls’ than Jack Nicholson’s ‘fake life balls’ in his role as Colonel Jessop in ‘A Few Good Men’…

Remember how scared you were the first time you heard him scream?

“I’m gonna rip your head off and piss in your dead skull Caffy, you fucked with the wrong marine”

I, for one, was foooooooooking petrified. And she is more formidable than Jack…

The women in the office hate her, throughout the film/true life… they constantly club together and do their best to make her life a misery, whilst she ‘traps off’ periodically at them, for their cruel playground antics.

Her mouth is pretty controversial to say the least, and it’s not uncommon for her to be heard calling her boss a ‘fucking asshole’ every 5 seconds or so in the film/real life

So; that’s what you need to know to appreciate the joyous humour in this deleted scene 😉

I have just watched it for the first time and I’m roaring my ass off, and also sharing the love with you!

All that is POSH…I love it / I love it not / I love it / I love it not / BUT I love it!

This is Maude with Annie, her servant

My love/hate relationship with all that is posh, takes another twisty turn

The score was 4 up for posh

1. For the very posh lady on ‘Masterchef’ who drooled out this corker; shortly after ingesting a piece of sea bass with something very odd piled on top of it

“What a saaaaad end, to a once noble, piece of fish”

2. For Maude, the even posher lady who works in Sainsbury’s over the road, who called through an SOS on her bouncer styleeee head-gear, to boldly utter this classic phrase

“Stephen, its Maude, there’s a crisis on juice” (It’s the accent)

3. My doctor is ‘landed-gentry styleee posh’; and when I visit him, it is always my aim to make him laugh; mainly because he is so posh, he actually does that upper class scoff thing…it’s his actual laugh ;)! Like instead of laughing they…well…sort of scoff, I don’t know how else to describe this joyous little cultural phenomena of the very wealthy. Also, I love that he doesn’t move his top lip. Further observation showed, neither does anyone else from the upper echelons of our strange little society…and

How I got a life-time reminder of my ‘Manic Ass Self’! ;)

Inflammation is that youuuuuu?

‘The Dangers of Tattoos and Bi polar’! 😉

OK, as it may be clear by the amount of random bilge I’ve been spilling of late…

I am a little bit ‘Manic’ at the moment!

I won’t attempt to explain the complexities of this little bugger of a phenomena as a whole; I’ll just touch upon this relevant symptom that it likes to create…

Flailing limbs!

Last week, I had a tattoo on my wrist, and I was chanting ‘sit still’ in my head the entire time. He had a good grip on my arm and I was kind of fixed into ‘still-nessssssss’, what with the general pain level around the ‘very important vein’s here’ area of me being stabbed with a needle.

I can tell you it’s not like having the belly done, no soft and squidgy shit sits on my bird like, ridiculous excuse for wrists!

‘Oooooo Monday’…Sneaking up and being all Amazing to me! Are you OK?

Jesusin Ka Ryst!!

Monday? Is That Youuuuu?

It is Monday

And

It has been FABULOUS!

This does not happen to me, I swear I actually have DNA strands that can’t handle them, it’s intrinsic, statutory Dawny, and as regular as pooing is to flies. I have the Ump pretty much every Monday

I awoke from a not so marvellous sleep, however, my lovely sister had been to buy bacon and crusty rolls, which was a really pleasant surprise

Then the lovely lady from the housing association came round cos I’m getting a brand new kitchen :), and the chick turned up with a little mini mobile walking B&Q styleeeee set of displays. I discovered I am getting a most marvellous kitchen and I would like to thank the gods of Pan Handles, because now it is illegal to have them against a wall (cos we cannot safely move handles to the side anymore). So yay for the health and safety police, I’m even getting a posh tap.

“Ohhhh Alby” (Trust you to nab the 100th post position ;))

To my dear, slightly odd old Step Dad, who I remember with mixed feelings, but mostly, a lot of laughter and a lot of love…

Image via Wikipedia

Happy Birthday Alby! I wondered why I had been thinking about you soooo much these last few days; and then I saw the date and smiled. I still miss you and we talk about you often. I hope you continue to sleep soundly Treasure, and here is a gift list for you to read from heaven, of some of your classic moments…

The screaming of ‘Trent’, and the laughter of the rest of our giant household…When you put the green bits off the tomatoes in Theresa’s bed, and she thought a plague of spiders had infested her mattress!

The party where you were so smashed, you thought you owned a Rhodesian ridgeback, the beast was apparently in the bedroom, though none of us had ever seen this horse! 😉

When your mate stacked it, and his entire torso flew through the new fence, much to Mums dismay and horror, but OMG did we chuckle??? It was epic and unexpected!

To Trent -Testing the blind spots for her safety (Bless) – “Can you see me, Can you see me now?”

National Express Thought spillage 2

Image via Wikipedia

I am not known for my ability to make travel connections. Usually because I fall asleep in airport lounges and train stations! I’ve tried getting my friends and family to call at the appropriate ‘please save my ass’ times, but the ringing of a mere mobile phone does not wake this beast and my poor Mother sweats and worries as she awaits the call, giving her:-

The new destination

The new ETA

And at times requesting she send official documentation to Embassies!

National Express Thought Spillage 3

Image by withrow via Flickr

‘Procrastination Stations’

(Insert – I have no idea why Zamenta has decided i’m talking about the joy of babies, but there are many of them suggested, so I thought…Why not!)

I did my usual of packing my study books with the deluded goal of completing an entire weeks work on the commute across land and sea!

Lil’ Trissus and her ‘Dramatic Entrances’ at Dawnys!

My dear old sister continues to bring me the deepest belly chuckles in literally, the shittiest of times…

Varying between ‘every few hours’ to ‘every few months’; she arrives at my door in some kinda crisis or another,

Well yesterday was one of them days, and the crisis is shit and sad on a profound level 😦

But her appearance at points is just tooooo funny, so even in the heightened throes of profound pain; we often end up ‘roaring’ through the tears at the ‘state of her’.

Bear in mind she walks past normal people on the way to mine 😉

‘Blood, Sweat (a little wee-wee) and Tears’…of Laughter! :)

The Hawk Courier!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the machine that is ‘The Hawk Courier’, it is a highly attractive ‘fold up’ bike from the ‘80’s’. You know the ones with a tiny teeny strange shaped frame (to allow it to fold up like a pushchair!), and wheels with a diameter of around 8 inches. ;0… it had a strangely ‘low-set’ seat. And though it paraded as an adults bike, whether you were 4’9” or 6’3”…when seen riding one, you looked like you’d borrowed it off your 5-year-old 😉

Mum’s particular little beauty was fashioned in a vibrant blue and proudly emblazoned across its main (teeny tiny) middle bar, in gold, was ‘The Hawk Courier’!!