I Will Be Your Eyes Until You Can ‘See’ Everything…

They sat in English class together, paying no attention to the teachers speech, nor to ‘Of Mice and Men’. They were gassing like their lives depended on it!

“What is blue like?” she asked

“Blue is running as fast as you can into the waves, it is diving head first into the rushing sea. Blue is freezing cold lips that come from a night out in the snow, or from sucking an ice lolly hard and fast.”

“White?”

“White is the colour of innocence. White is unusual, as it holds all the other colours within it, yet it is almost colorless in appearance. White is a newly fitted, pristine kitchen with a fridge, freezer, washing machine and dishwasher. White is cotton wool, and the grainy texture of the chalk they use for writing on a blackboard”

“Red? What is red like?”

“Red is a boiling hot camp fire on a winter’s night. Red is the colour of passion and of angst. Red is a racy looking lady on a saturday night up town. Red is all lips and kisses. Water is see through and blood is red. When you feel the slight thickness of blood against water, you feel red”

“What are you like?” she asked…smiling

“When I’m being categorised according to my skin colour, I am white, but not like the white I described. I am actually a peachy pinky beige if we’re gonna get a little detailed about it :)”

Steering Ships Am I Now?? All From The Confines of My Memory Foam

As I pondered over my uber-shit sailing skills, I almost felt incompetent until I remembered never applying for the job 😉

The Sea petrifies me, so I’m hopping off deck (soon)

A Sailor! As if !! (SCoff Scoff Scoff Old Chum)

(Ooops, missed some of that call, just heard Noah shouting star something??? I couldn’t hear him over the 2 tigers roaring)

So, I spotted the nearest star and spun the ship rooooond towards it

As I notice 3,000 other stars with a quick whip of the neck, worry sets in

I panic, but then look down at my T-Shirt and see ‘Keep Calm and Go West’

The Co-ordinates and/or compass points are not my forte, so I listened to the team onboard instead, they were singing a 4 part harmony of the classic Welsh anthem ‘Newport’…The Welshie solo’d the line ‘concrete jungle where dreams are made of’ and I hollered

Follow that Green Peace Man to Star

In that sweet moment, I’d realised my buried dream of being a sea-captain! But only if the boats swim sideways…Safety People!

Mergence of Sarcasm and Magnificence = ‘Life’s Heady Heights’ @ Dawny’s

SUCCESS is wholly subjective 

When the theme tune for Jeremy Kyle tickles my ear drums, the rush of ‘feel good chemicals’ go wild in the aisles of my brain…and it is in joyful moments like these, when I feel most successful 🙂

When Meredith’s mother told her to be extraordinary; she didn’t mean an extraordinary surgeon, she meant an extraordinary person!

I wrote the following, when I had the ‘royal hump’ and it’s rather sarcastic and self (+ existence) deprecating! (AND also, sadly true :))

I decided this year was gonna be theeeee year of my life! (After year 33 went a little ‘tits up’ to say the least)

Oh What a Night! :0…

After pondering on a vast number of words and deleting them all

I have just one thing to say

THANKYOU LIFE and ALL that reside in it :)!

(Or maybe 2 or 3 things it seems)

I’m not so thankful for my highly sensitive ‘bits’, but they are there for a reason…

I laughed A LOT last night and it was BLOODY MARVELLOUS!

I plan on doing as much of that as possible, as soon as possible, for as long as possible

Patience is a virtue!

Fear is a foooking nuisance

Hurt is a habit

Faith is a life saver

Once again…THANKS A MILLION 🙂

Love Dawny Xxx

Never too Old or too Happy to make a DEN! :)

Just this morning, I was feeling in need of a little of life’s magic

Like many other mornings, Mr Rurch (one of my two AMAZING pussy cats) joined in the fun of playing ‘den’

I don’t like to place undue pressure on myself during these times, so our den making was limited by me and the chair. It’s not a complicated process with this in mind 😉

Basically, it’s me in the armchair, with my arms raised and acting as mini stilts, with the quilt surrounding me, leaning on the very top/back of the chair and ending on the floor…Then I make a little entrance hole in the quilt and I say the magic words

Actually, I whisper to him as this seems to give him endless joy 🙂

‘Mr Rurch…Come get in the den’

Then I like to close the hole off and pull the quilt tight so he can’t get in! 🙂 He then mounts the slope that forms around my quilt covered stilt arms and scratches and screams trying to get access. Once I’ve rinsed that section of all the available entertainment, I re-open the entrance and he crawls down with his eyes out on door stops…I have to hold the quilt up a little bit, so that he can get on my lap without being plunged into complete darkness

He loves it (WE love it)

There’s Nowt as Grand as Laughter! Thankyou Brittany

I’ve had a rather emotional couple of hours tonight; at one point I was feeling ‘bloody lost and miserable’ on an epic scale…Po Bilar Mood Swing? Probably, maybe, who knows?…

ANYHOO

I discovered a blog called ‘Creativity Arise’

Just like magic, I read quite possibly, (no actually… definitely) one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard

In a post about the end of the world (http://creativityarise.com/2012/12/20/the-world-is-coming-to-an-end/)

Brittany mused…

“Why in the ham sandwich are we listening to the Mayans anyway?”

“WHY IN THE HAM SANDWICH?”

Comedy GOLD! I am still laughing now, hours later

THANK-YOU Brittany for snapping me right out of morose town in a mere second, with your absolute classic!

I fully intend to remind myself of this phrase everyday from now til’ death!

Tickled…Pink 🙂

Oh My Gaaaaawd! An Actual Award :) Thank-you Millions!…

Thanks to 3 truly fabulous blogger’s – Tracy, Harula and Joe…I have been nominated for 2 awards

Very Inspiring Blogger

And

Blog of The Year 2012 (See below for the link to the rules bit :))

I’m proper humbled, chuffed, honoured and surprised, all in equal measure.

Especially as I really love and appreciate their blogs and their writing talents. Please check out their ‘magic snippets’ at the following links

Tracy – http://fecthis.wordpress.com/

Harula – http://wordsthatserve.wordpress.com/

Joe – http://iamforchange.wordpress.com/

The rules for VIB require you to list 7 random things about yourself. However, Harula decided to list 7 things that inspire her instead. http://wordsthatserve.wordpress.com/2012/12/03/inspiration/

I’ve chosen to do the same…

1. I’m inspired by community. I believe that it’s a basic fundamental need of most people to be part of a community. The blogs I have nominated for both awards provide a safe, warm, kind and loving ‘giant word bath’…and I jump into it whenever possible

2. I’m inspired by forgiveness. We all have old wounds that were once painful but when we forgive, we lift a weight off of our shoulders, and grow at the same time

3. I’m inspired by people who share their stories. Being a bit of a fluid lady, I am often enlightened and altered through reading the wisdom of others. I read many blogs that are based on recovering from addiction and/or mental illness; these bloggers take the time and effort to pass on their experiences and in doing so, they change lives

Chortle Chortle…Ich Liebe Dich/ 50 Press Ups and Run For Your Life! ;)

My Wunderbar sister Lil Trissus, showed me this little E-card yesterday, which made me chuckle my ass off ;). When I first heard ‘I Love You’ in German (Ich Liebe Dich), it did indeed sound more like a military command than an expression of love…

When I finally stopped chuckling at the E-card (below)

She followed with this highly amusing ‘Shit Happens’ list…It defines the exact meaning of ‘Shit Happens’, from just about every religious and philosophical viewpoint known to man.

Dooooooo Enjoy! 🙂

AND ze ‘Shit Happens’ list can be found ere – http://www.fprintf.net/isms.html

Happy Saturday Peeps 🙂

Kids Say The Funniest Things…

Overall, no matter how many adult comedians tickle me pink, I still think that kids say the funniest things…Their utter naivety, coupled with their unique ways of looking at the world, often cause me to cry with laughter at some of their comments…

I am writing this because I just remembered a funny incident with one of my 3 magic, and very funny nephews

I was going over to Germany to stay with my brother, and Thomas (my nephew) kindly agreed to let me sleep in his room

When I got there, he told me to go and look in the bedroom, as he’d left something in there for me…and there was a note on the floor (which I’ve just fished out from my ‘memories box’ for accuracy)

It read..

For Da Dawl

Dawn

Please turn ober

(I turned it over and it said)

You have boobies

Have a nice time in my room 🙂

Memories – Leytonstone to Basildon swathed in Musical Bliss

About 20 years ago, my brother had just passed his driving test and he purchased an ultra stylish Volvo estate 🙂 complete with beige plastic interior…

Nice Motor!

Note – It was the era where girls and boys spent hours making ‘smooch mixes’ on cassette…The slow dance at the end of a party was a cultural benchmark of the 80’s ‘new romantics’

We decided to go for a drive down to Basildon to see my Nan, and Leigh was obsessed with this particular song at the time. So; I had to wait for about an hour and a half before we could leave; whilst he recorded it (real-time)

Finally, he filled the entire A and B side of the tape and off we went

In spite of the fact that he was driving the most uncool car known to man (at age 18)…we were feeling pretty special 😉

Geezer Birds and Camp Alpha Males

I’ve never really been a girly girl on a large-scale. Don’t get me wrong, I adore shoes, I love an excuse to put a spangly dress on, and I probably have more clothes and handbags than Vera Wang herself

I also have zero tolerance for anyone touching my hair in case they mess with the direction of my curls, and/or pushing my eye brow hair in the wrong direction!

BUT….

I have always been the token lad when I’m hanging out with the boys… a poker playing, mischievous, direct, semi alcoholic, adrenaline seeking, bossy sod! And I don’t exactly exude that age-old feminine trait – vulnerability.

Also; when I blow my nose I reckon it’s a good 50 decibels louder than your average chick.

Short Number blah blah – Must I still be guarded U Bafooooons?

She awoke and the fun police still had 8 ooooooozy 9mm’s stuck to her head

She made sure she had just enough breast showing (for her own sweet viewing pleasure)

And said

“You could be doing so many other important things”

“But have it your way, makes no odds to mine”

God loves a tryer, even when they fell off the path eons ago and are still lost!

(67 words)

On a Lighter Note

For Fooooooks sake people!

🙂

My nephew is a ‘God Damn Genius!’ ;)

In the midst of a conversation between me and lil’ Trissus, about the highs and lows of life

The Boy appeared, (identity protection) strolled in tut lounge, and said

“I know a good title for a book”

“How to manage your emotions by Christina Yang”

Lmao 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 If you’re still in the dark, Doooooo watch ze clip. It will bring a chuckle to your day 🙂

Beer add enough of these = Someone please sedate her

Beer is OK in itself. All alone… it’s at most, a health issue (if you end up hugging the ivory tower)

BUT

Beer

Add an extremely attractive person sitting opposite you with fabulous thighs, amongst other things

Add live Music

Add friendly and mildly exotic people (well, almost)

Add beer

Add anxiety

Add mild shock

Add socially contagious beered up joy

   Minus the few inhibitions owned

Add discussions with people who raise naughty and amusing subjects

Add lovely bar staff, with funky little mats with chortle-some ditty’s on them

Add lots of laughter

Which injects extra excitement

Which injects extra endorphins

Add a politician

If we must carry an ID card, I say we also push for dating manuals! (Here Here)

Let’s face it; privacy in all its forms is pretty much a thing of the past.

Were caught on camera 100’s of times a day (unless we live in rural Wales), whilst just bobbing about doing our daily’s.

The Big Boys and Girls know where we live, where we work, how much we have in our bank, what naughty things we’ve done etc. And last year the census reached a whole new level of poking – when they asked for a list of which citizens you had round your house, that Sunday!

Christ, every text we’ve ever sent is logged on some giant memory machine somewhere, ready and waiting to come back for us, when we need it least…

People are bugging their partners and hiding GPS trackers in their cars, to catch them cheating

All this is a bit poooooey really, BUT I think we could turn it to our advantage

Short Number 13 – It’s my alter ego, silly!

“I’m not crying”

Mrs Leaky, In all her glory!

   “Yes you are, you’ve been crying for days”

  

“It’s not me”

   “I have another personality you see”

   “Meet tap…Leaking tap”

“I’ll get you a new washer”

“Don’t bother, they all snap with the pressure, we don’t install them anymore”

(“This little tap of mine, i’m gonna let it cry, let it cry, let it cry, let it crrrrry”!)

(62 words) (woops)

‘Amy and The Mice’ – An Alternative Take

Of all the Amy Winehouse footage to cause a wave of disapproval, this video sits up there with best of them

In order to see the beauty that I see in this scene, you must first remove the judgements you already have about Crack and its use (although it is worth noting that Crack is probably the most likely drug to cause aggression). If you can’t remove your judgements; try swopping the word crack for wine (which also causes aggressive outbursts)

And re-classify her status more loosely; as a little bit ‘worse for wear’ (legally of course)

Then check out the video Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty on drugs – YouTube.

Or read the manuscript below, complete with stage cues and action descriptions

What I see is : – heart, endless wit, depth of passion, fun, boundless amounts of life, imagination, creativity, laughter, beauty, friendship, a unique and highly sweet soul, the interaction of two friends, love, vulnerability, fascination, curiosity, loyalty, care and protection…This is what I see, black fingers or no black fingers. Can you?

(Amy is in green, Pete in orange, Both together in red)

Amy collects a box of baby mice from the back of the room

I’ve got a cold have I Doctor? A COLD?

Whoever decided to name the common cold a cold, was obviously

A)     As hard as nails

And

B)      An idiot!

A foooooking cold ay?

Before I begin the analysis; please note that I have 2 full time, full on diseases. I won’t bore you with the details, just know that I’m noooo pussy 😉

But…

Oh My Lordy Lord!!!

I have been bitch slapped to the ground with this mini ‘health-arama’; known as a cold

I am not cold, I am burning up

I have been coughing for the last 7 hours or so, solid. This has well and truly heated up both :- the tissue on my lungs; and my temper. As I’m slightly tired and sleep deprived…

But still not cold

I am ‘buckarooing’ all over the show, every time I cough or sneeze (every 10 seconds or so) and again, this increased activity is warming me up somewhat! STILL NOT COLD

I am surrounded by tissues. Some are dry and some are wet. None are cold

TEN Do’s/Dont’s… to make marriage successful in life (x3)

Marriage Equality Conference

Prep…

Get engaged twice but don’t make it down the aisle. Ideally you will call off one wedding; and at the other, you will be stood up at the altar; or just before you get to the altar.

This way, you learn all you need to about rejection, on both sides of the coin…

Find the location of your heart, and purify it as much as possible

Then you are ready for the grand plan.

1. WITHOUT A VICAR present, Marry a friend who would never ever wish to sleep with you and vice versa; so, make sure they have the opposite sexuality to you; or ensure you are at least 8 points away from each other, in the league tables
2. Make sure this friend is truly spandangly of heart, and you have a marriage made in heaven that will last forever. You get a best friend, who loves you even when you smell; who will love you when your fat and thin, equally. And you can safely love them with no fear of divorce… like ever, plus, you both still have real marriage as an option in your life; for any new finds.
3. Then; spare marry someone else who you find sexually attractive and rather wonderful… but is impenetrable. All lonely broken souls, cannot resist the lure of a spare spouse. Be as spare wonderful as you can, to your spare spouse… and you will have 2 marriages that will last forever
4. Make sure the spare candidate lives around 500 miles away; so that you can’t get spare sick of each other, even if you tried 😉