You!!! Wonderful Awesome Life Transforming You…You!!!

You are wise and loving, gentle and tender

You took my will, and said “I will bend her”

You turned me into a blade of grass

Pushed that through concrete to prove I can last

Not for the purpose of others, no matter who

This journey has been about just me and You

My best friend, my beloved, my forever protector

Illuminating wisdom on our virtual projector

Leading me or leaving me up front, balanced to perfection

Sometimes you took the blow first, softened the rejection

A Spiritual Attitude to This Crazy Thing We Call Life

Spirituality is one of those words associated with sooooo many different ideas right?..The familiar ones include the practice of meditation, prayer, and surrounding one’s self with nature…On I could go

My Dad is a really spiritual guy so I grew up with more of an idea than most, as to what spirituality means; but my relationship with it was transformed when I felt and experienced a delivery of love into my heart. Truly life changing love…God’s Love

My Spiritual attitude is ever evolving; as I grow I’m sure it will continue to change well into the future. This is where I’m currently at in my outlooks and ideas about what everyday spirituality means for me

1. My mentality (to a large extent) is ‘Live and let live’…Basically, I believe we are all on our own paths, and only God and I know me, and the same goes for everyone else…Only God and you know you.  You are the only one who can influence your path. It is not up to me to interfere with the spiritual journey of another, unless invited

2. I am learning to tell the truth when I most want to lie. This helps me to show those around me who I am, even though I bloody despise doing this when my self-expression is negative. But, when I do it, I honor my own worth and boundaries, not to mention my dysfunctional idiosyncracies (love thyself, poop bits included)

3. I proper try (and often succeed) in being non-judgemental (Again, my Dad talked about this a lot when we were little)

Grace and ‘God’s Glasses’

I knew the gift of grace in entirety, long before I knew its various definitions

I just googled it out of curiosity and found many different descriptions, words, synonyms, life stories etc

Grace came to me when I couldn’t see anything but hate

It was a dark time…An unbearable time in my life, of sickness and distress so alarming, I was totally overwhelmed and all I wanted, was to die

The awakening and entry of more love in my heart, as a gift from god, allowed me to ‘wish the best’ for my enemies!!! (Truly)

Grace allowed me to see their perspective and reasons, or at least, recognise that they had their own story, just like me and you and everyone else

It dissolved my jealous outlook on a particular situation, into something unrecognisable

Grace says ‘DO your thang, whatever that is, I personally ‘send you my best/good luck/peace vibes’

‘Blessing My Blessings’…From Facts To Feeling,

In the quest to cheer the fooook up before I keel over….I have, on numerous occasions, written lists of all my blessings and I have to say; I’m lucky to have a pretty long list. However, I don’t think a name/one word summary does many favours to covey the richness and depth of goodness, that some of the people and things on my list, bring to my life.

The trouble with lists :- When I read the list back to myself, I can’t help but feel like, the act of ‘blessing the blessings’  (giving them the level of appreciation they deserve and hold), gets minimized and becomes almost mechanical. FEELING gratitude rather than NOTING gratitude, make for 2 very different states of mind

Sooooo, ramble ramble, the long and short of it is – I am going to try to capture the essence of the people and circumstances on my list, one at a time…I am going to savour slowly, all that I have, by really digging down into each separate person or place, noting their qualities, our experiences, our memories, and anything else that I associate with the people on my list

That 4 Letter Word…Causes All The Strife, Causes All of Life, Awakens Our Inner Wife, Cuts Like a Knife, Our Fuel For This Life…

When God said – Love is all there is… I understand now the depth and breadth of love’s business

When we are all children, its intensity rules all

And the very next heart beat after we first feel it, the fear of losing it ignites

It stays there throughout school

Then there’s all this imperfection and pain in the world

And the only thing that fixes it is the very thing that causes it

Love is the only perfect gift on the planet

But if we give and receive it from a damaged source, it becomes pain filled and painful, blocked, cruel, lost, mis-directed, overwhelming, mis-understood…

At worst, it dresses up as abuse – mental, physical, sexual or spiritual

When 2 people fall in love, it envelopes your insides, causing joy, ecstasy, warmth, addiction, desire, longing, kindness, insanity, inspiration, hope, happiness, thoughfulness

When the bond is damaged it dresses as mistrust, revenge, power, confusion, patience, truth and lies

When illness threatens to break its bond it dresses to fit – as care, dedication, forgiveness, pain, hurt, even what feels like hatred, loyalty, compromise, explanations, ’emotionally charged right up’ love, fear, too much, too little, perception spectacles of many different colours

Our Forever Changing ‘Shadow of Self’ – The Two Wolves

Twice this week I have come across a quote you’ve probably all heard

“A fight is going on inside me,” said an old man to his son. “It is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other wolf is good. he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you.”

The son thought about it for a minute and then asked, “Which wolf will win?” 

The old man replied simply, “The one you feed.”
― Wendy Mass, Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life

This got me thinking about a section from the book – ‘Conversations with God’…It basically said that due to the human need for duality (which is required in order to find meaning in this life) God is, and always has been ‘ALL OF IT’.

He (or Life) created on Earth a system including…good and bad, lies and truth, joy and pain, morals and anarchy, gluttony and hunger, poverty and riches etc. He (or life) created these opposites so that we may know ourselves, and also re-define ourselves as we change and grow. We do this by relating our traits to the attributes of the 2 wolves

This got me thinking about our shadows

‘Lent Time’ – 40 days and 40 nights, 40 songs to Brighten LIFE!

Being the ignoramus I am, I’ve only just discovered its ‘Lent Time’!

OK Universe! I’m mid way through launching out a plethora of ‘body depleting’ activities and substances from my life; all of which began in the new year!

I think if I forced myself to eject anymore unhealthy wonders from my existence right now; I might perish and die!! 😉

Sooooo…This is what I’m gonna do for Lent

SWAP my thoughts FOR SONGS

I intend to try to sing my way through the day (In thought and sometimes, out loud) for the next 40 days. Each day, I will search through my song collection and choose a little beauty. One that I feel, reflects true love (and therefore, also God)

I thought it might also be a fab idea to pick songs that have some kind of connection to a happy memory. PURPOSE – Cheer up for God!

I read somewhere once, that the highest type of prayer is expressed in song…And if the song reminds me of something happy/sweet/treasured; then hopefully I will increase the amount of good vibes ebbing from my soul, and out into the big wide world. You never know, I might cheer up any lost or moody souls ‘tuned into my wavelength’…with my vocal cahoooning!

Spooky Fag Related Mini Miracle…

A while ago, I wrote a post about addiction, and I touched upon my own struggles with a plethora of activities and substances

Addictive Genes and Sad Souls…Do we inherit sadness?

NOW! Smoking cigarettes has always been one addiction that I had no intention of giving up. As many smokers will tell you, it is such a powerful attachment that it entwines itself with the essence of your identity. Yes; it is part of ‘who I am’… rather than a part of ‘what I do’

I always figured that I’d try to kick every other addiction, and smoking would be the one ‘fix’ that would stay for a lifetime…I was a self-confessed lover of smoking, and there was no guilt attached to this need, unlike the other buggers

ANYHOO

Back to the post on addiction…I recieved a comment saying that my addictions (being so severe) were something only God and The Angels could fix. So, in amongst my prayers, I prayed for healing – re my addictive nature…

I don’t know if you can relate to this, but occasionally I have a thought pop into my head and I somehow know that it didn’t come from anywhere inside of me.

A Stranger In My Psyche…

When you’re close, I feel the wonder of your joy

You and others say you never leave anyone alone

You are always ‘nowhere’ so you can be ‘now here’

Where ever that may be

So maybe it’s me that has travelled tonight

Unknowingly and unwillingly I have left your side

Like a child, I feel fragile when I can’t feel your hand in mine

Sometimes I don’t like my needs

Q) and A) with the Lord and My Notepad! :)

When I’m feeling blue, one of my favourite things to do is to spend the night reading your fabulous snippets of wisdom ere on WordPress… I do tend to subscribe to blogs that are positive, loving and spiritual, but some days, when the ugly side of life penetrates my brain, I’m all too aware that not everybody subscribes to love, or believes in it in the same way that we fluffy folk do

This past year my life has changed almost beyond measure, and it feels like I’ve done a decade’s worth of learning in a mere 12 months

I guess the greatest thing I’ve gained is faith and ‘The Experience of God Sized Love’

God literally saved my life 4 times and filled me with the most mahoosive dose of love and kindness, far past any feeling of love I have ever felt or could imagine

Most days I wake up and thank him profusely, but today I felt heavy, and for the first time, I was frightened that as my idealistic outlook gets dipped with some less pleasant droplets of reality, I might lose hope. So (you may think I’m insane for believing that he answers me) I got my trusty notepad out and asked him for his take – This was what followed

Star Dust to Awareness, Ego to Collective Consciousness! Magically Mind Bending Squit!

I watched this documentary the other night on stars AND IT WAS BLOODY AMAZING! So much so, that I’m considering dipping into BBC4 on a regular basis, even though the dry old ‘voice over’s’ sound like a bunch of stoned aristocrat’s; and whether male or female, they have a shockingly negative impact on my general well-being! (It doesn’t take much environmental stimuli, to send me over the royal edge ;))

Anyhoo, according to a plethora of clever people, we are made of star-dust or less romantically (I quote) – nuclear waste!

Apparently, there are 92 things in the entire universe and we’re all made of these 92 things. Everything on earth; stars, plants, animals, sea-life, humans, the ocean, other planets etc…

Humans however, have somehow popped out with rather more troubles than say – your average Yucca plant! How did we, as balls of matter made of exactly the same stuff as everything else, end up in this pickle we call reality?

How did we go from atoms/dust – to individuals who know they exist? Where did we collect our ego along the way? And what a bleeding disability to throw upon us (an ego), with mere space dust as the starting block of life.

Fishing for Faith…Found or Taught? Defines how deep you get Caught!

I may be wrong here but I’m gonna spout my opinion anyway :)… I think the way somebody finds faith in God (through teaching versus experience) makes a great difference in how much that faith impacts the life of the person who believes

I grew up being told that God exists, I went to church from age 5 ’til I was 13, and I can honestly say that it had little to no impact upon my belief system. I left the community with a ‘maybe he exists and maybe he doesn’t’ attitude.

I tried to read the bible and a couple of other books about God, and I never got further than the first couple of pages as they all had the same tone…’Worship me, I rock, there is no-one better than me, no-one else deserves your adoration more than me etc etc. Then within 4 pages I’d read some (unloving) comment about homosexuality or women, that began to heat my blood up… and the book got closed

Thanks to Neale Donald Walsh, the author of the ‘Conversations with God’ trilogy, I was finally able to read about God in a simplistic way that fitted with my previous beliefs; Because Book 1 is essentially a book about a ‘belief in love’…

You can’t really deny love exists (everywhere), unless you’re totally out of touch with reality.

Dear Church, I’ve sent you a little letter this week…Love God!

Whilst browsing WordPress today, I came across this great entry…

Courtesy of – muchmorethannear.wordpress.com

One part in particular (shown below in pink) caught my eye, so I’ve decided to join the gang of authors, with my own version of –

‘Gods latest letter to the church’

“I wonder what God might write in a letter to our church today? I recently asked our leadership team to prayerfully write such a letter and to pass them on to me without talking about their content with each other. My hope is that although they will inevitably reflect their human authors, their personalities and interests, that as I read them alongside each clear patterns might emerge as the Spirit speaks. I am a firm believer that all believers have access to God through the Spirit, and so I extend this challenge to you too.”

Click here to read the full article –

http://muchmorethannear.wordpress.com/2012/10/03/dear/

If you decide to do the same, pretty please direct me to your own letter’s, as I’d love to read them.

OK…Here goes my little love note

Dear sweet children of mine,

I am writing you this letter for many reasons, but I’ll start with my main point, which is of course…To tell you how much I love you

The title and shape of the church you stand in, makes no difference to our friendship. A church can be any place at all if you just call it a church. A field, a kitchen, a cathedral or a mosque. If you truly trust in me and my copious amounts of love, you will hopefully understand this point.

Short Number 34 – He moves in mysterious ways

I woke up that morning and prayed for a stress free day  

On the way to work I tripped on a drain cover, and smashed my two front teeth to bits

“So much for faith” – I lisped

  30 years later, the dentist who ‘capped me to rescue’ was at my bedside, as our   4th child was born

(56 words)

‘Beautiful & Tragic’ in equal measure…The Loss of Perfection

My best friend called me the other night and told me to listen to this song by Ed Sheeran…

In true Dawny style I forgot, and then he came round at the weekend, reminded me, and we listened to a few of his songs together, and I have to say…’He rocks’

I found this one (small bump) particularly moving ‘first take’, but I didn’t listen to it properly until I was alone

It is a story of him awaiting the birth of his baby, and the 2nd take left me more than a little heart-broken…their baby didn’t make it. I decided not to post it, incase anyone reading had suffered a miscarriage…I didn’t want to be responsible for triggering such a tragic and difficult memory in another.

However, miscarriage is a sad but certain part of life, and I have known people who have fought the battle of losing such perfection; they have somehow managed to move on from the loss of their baby, but I’m sure they are still reminded often of their treasured ‘small bump’… as they try to carry on living as best they can.

This song is the most beautiful expression of the experience that I’ve heard, so I decided in the end, I would post it. I think it’s important not to shy away from writing about painful and taboo subjects; sometimes reading about others who have gone through the same harrowing experience as you, brings comfort, and a sense of belonging and understanding

It is an exceptional song with a painful yet beautiful message…

Small Bump

Top Ten Tips for Fighting Psychosis

Mental Health Month Poster

Recently I went through a truly hellish episode of psychosis that lasted 8 months (and in some ways 3 years). Delusions were forming and growing, on and off, for those years; but the 8 month period when it peaked was truly the most horrific, debilitating, life stealing, petrifying, confusing, lonely, hideous, exhausting, depressing, soul shattering suicidal experience of my life. I could write for 10 hours and be unable to offer even an outline of the description of my delusions…

As per usual, the mental health team were about as useful as a chocolate fire guard, I sincerely have no idea what these people do all day; but tending to the mental health of their patients seems to be an alien concept to them. 7 years on from my diagnosis and I still struggle to get any positive suggestion from them. Bloody morons! After several admissions to hospital I was forced to re-engage with them (I’ve discharged myself from their care (clears throat) umpteenth times, as they do fuck all except stress me out). So; I asked time and time again for some skills to deal with my reality, some practical advice, some help, some words of encouragement… something, anything, just one little tool. In the end, they decided a leaflet on volunteering and a referral to the therapy group I’ve already been to, would suffice. Again, bloody morons. The group is great for a drop of depression or intolerance, but neeeee way does it even touch upon the unique experience of a psychotic break… so I thought I would share my tips, on how I began to escape the 24 pit stop from hell…

Religion Complicates the Simplicity of Love! (With Hell)

Remove all the disagreements of individual religions – and your left with the existence of a ‘PURE Massivo incomprehensible dose of LOVE’

Love doesn’t categorise according to race, place, nature, sin, crime or evil. These things are subjective acts based on judgements that change with time; they all stand to the side of love

Love loves all our shapes, physical and mental

Love doesn’t have favorites

Love in its purest form is ‘Unconditional’. (FULL STOP)

Love doesn’t leave and then come back at a later date

Love has no choice about its boundaries

Love has no boundaries to choose from

Pretend all you like, but be tender with me please….

Area 51

The USA and the way they lend themselves to a fallacy

The secrets in the wards for the insane

The Baby Boomers

The Big Brother Curse

Black and White Magic

Anime and its English counterpart

Every Stephen and every Bob

I promise I WILL wait for everyone, unless I must compromise ONE soul, (My other half) If HE swears to marry me forever ONLY, other than that, back to the future we ALL GO!!

I get it, where you all are and what fun you are having

I get that as a human (by origin), it is normally at a persons lowest point that they seek help, any help, in desperation and mass sadness – my next door neighbour guided me to a book and it saved my life and yours, we are adored intrinsically in this heaven…

It just said, I fooooooking love you Dawny, I can’t do anything but love you, no matter what you have been and think you have been, neither can I unlove your creations, because we needed them for the backdrop of heaven and earth. I cannot scold you for making a choice, when there was only ever one of two to make, to take, from the world I created, but hey, what a fucking epic test run and selection of movies to chuckle together at for REAL…movies of excitement, theres only MORE of that in my gaff, and your gaff ere on earth. Here is the ONLY place you will actually be able to wake up for the FIRST time, TRUST ME ON THIS ONE ay? For old times sake 😉 Become who you really are, and love will drop the damn – WE WILL together, as the sum of all parts. And I have good news, because love couldn’t actually be anything but spandangly whilst testing in experience, it made a very realsitic dreams and nightmares world. We made it together, so why all these miles? It takes time I know, and I’m a patient little treasure

Oh and to the man of my dreams, you’re gonna have to tell me the secrets in good time about our next step, and leave us poor humanites to heaven inside and out, same mirror image, same age, same imperfect bunch of peeps with the greatest gift on earth in their possession, adoration, un-doable adoration, come on my little toe paleeeease?

Whilst I wasn’t looking, you went through the entire alphabet, cloning, honing and perfecting energy, en as you called it, and zen as it now stands, indestructable

Short Number 24 – Doh again! Big Boys in Power – And tut tut, you think GOD was ever gonna let you go?

It was Official

The world had gone mad, proper mad!

In their (perceived) infinite wisdom, they (the powerful) knew it was time to press the button on those dreaded nuclear reactors

Worst plan ever (unless you’re one of those in the know)

They pressed the mad button and much to their dis-may, not to mention the all consuming shock

The population of the world all shot out like a rocket (literally) with a big old fat smile on their faces, fully healthy and unharmed, buzzing from the best rollercoaster ride, that took place on a world-wide scale, every soul was rammo’d in the main room. Armed with and made of, the greatest weapon on earth – LOVE – None disputed it, they’d been locked inside the metal boys invention with the joy juice, for far too long to ever ever not know it