Category Archives: Hard work

‘Psychosis is a necessity; for the emotional development of certain people’?(Moi, 2012)

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Love, Life and Feelings

I think it would be a fair generalisation to say that : – People who suffer from periods of psychosis, tend to be thinkers. Not just in bouts of insanity; but all the time…

I’ve just mind meandered onto this odd theory/definition of psychosis…

‘Psychosis is a necessity; for the emotional development of certain people’ 😉 (Moi, 2012)

Thinkers can fall into the trap of over thinking and under feeling. If you’re a thinker, you’re likely a problem solver… and before you know it, you’ve totally lost touch with your feelings because you’ve rationalised the shit out of; not feeling anything

But when delusions loom, in my experience…they are always intrinsically linked to 3 things

Fear/Terror

Shame

Pain

For me at least, these 3 categories cover everything that I choose not to dwell on as a thinker. Everything I don’t want to feel sits under these umbrellas… Read the rest of this entry

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Short Number 9 (I think)…Catch me if meow can!

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A house cat named Milky meows when get caught ...

Catch me if meow can Mother Fucker!

The predator came again (yawn)

The Hunter, The Stalker, The Trier, The God of the Web Pilferer’s…The Leader of the Western Plates

The Wilder-Peast!!!

But; where oh where was the prize?

“She’s a quick as a fucking cat that one”

Overhearing the Peast, she meow’d with delight and ran…

“Catch me if meow can”

She Sang!

(55 words)

I avoided Motherhood, so Ms Karma sent me a ‘Rebel Ball’ instead ;/

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Red Ball Express (film)

From the archives of my mind

Back in the days…

I was a naughty, rebellious, authority despising, horrible little child. So I figured (early in life), if I re-produced, it would be a bad move. I thought Ms Karma would send me a child, ten times naughtier. But because Ms Karma is clever, my avoidance of the pain of ‘owning a rebel’; was over-ridden! She simply gave me a ‘Rebel Ball’ instead; for this lesson…and probably also as some kind of justice for my poor Mother :0

My RED bouncing ball…Do you own one too?

For each emotion I have a WHITE ball, a really bouncy one, and note… it bounces vertically only. The top to bottom of a bounce, covers a fair distance but I’m adjusted to this, and some bounces are fabulous, which makes their EXTENT both a blessing and a curse. Read the rest of this entry

I Miss You…(No hidden Insult Intended)

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‘I miss you’

I’ve noticed that this phrase, causes strange reactions in peopleThe Best of Missing Persons

I blame this reaction on the phenomena known as poxy ‘sub text’

Why do people hear I miss you and think you’re actually saying…You are neglecting me

Why do people hear I miss you and think you’re actually saying…You don’t make time for me anymore

Why do people hear I miss you and think you’re actually saying…We are growing apart

When I say I miss you…It’s because I miss you

And I miss you because I think you’re great; because I love talking to you; because I love that I am lucky enough to be able to call you my friend; because I appreciate your advice; because I love how you make me laugh; because I want to know how you are; because I am blessed to have you in my life…and because you are impossible to forget. Read the rest of this entry

Words are no use whatsoever really…Not for understanding!

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Juño is a word with great meaning, which only ...

Come Again Please?

Today’s random thoughts on ‘making sense’.

For every word of every language, there are multiple dictionary definitions, as well as the other definitions that are formed by our individual brains and experiences…

When discussing this earlier, this example explained the human ‘part’

Boy says…..’I’m shy’…..He says this with a whole host of memories, and feelings, and experiences, which have shaped his meaning of shy

Girl hears……’I’m shy’……She then processes this with her whole host of memories, and feelings, and experiences, which have shaped her meaning of shy

Their own understanding’s of ‘shy’ are different……as are the implications that the word ‘shy’ holds.

Now if every word has mass multiple definitions AND meanings, you then have to consider that people and their circles, naturally use words, with a COMPLETELY different meaning to the dominant and/or dictionary one’s, as they form their own little language communities. They then use these words OUTSIDE of their circles, when talking to people who have no idea WTF they meant by that 🙂

After all this confusion… Read the rest of this entry

The Curse of the Blogging Student…

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English: This is a cover of the novel, the curse.

Once you’ve been exposed to writing for your own, unrestrained narcissistic pleasure, your studies will be ruined FOREVER!

I used to enjoy the challenge of finding the ‘bestest’ and most eloquent phrases to explain my evidence

There was a day when I felt passion typing sentences like this :-

Dahlgren and Whiteheads diagram (Bird and Whitehead, 2012, p. 51) includes age, constitution and sex; drawing the powerful medical discourse, into the analysis. Marmot’s wide concept of the causes of health inequalities; allows all the evidence from different socioeconomic circumstances, to be considered in relation to health.

Until; the discovery of blogging. I found myself spreading my little writing wings, and I got to ramble on about sociology and Erving Goffman, whilst slipping in phrases such as ‘Trust the Goff’ and ‘He was one of the spangliest social thinkers ever to grace our pooey earth’…

AND

Now that I have experienced the joy of being able to write spangly in a sentence

Now that I’ve been exposed to the wonder of being allowed to wink when I’m writing…well; my essays of joy have become

DRY DRY DRY AND PAINFUL AND…DRY

In spite of all the bilge I write here, I have never been so drained and bored, reading my own shite, as I was this morning (hard to believe I know ;)) Read the rest of this entry

It’s TRUE! Science/Numerology/History/Quantum Physics/Biology/Nature/Religion/Spirituality and WIKI said so…

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Now That's What I Call Music! 33 (UK series)

HOW did I miss ALL THIS, ’til now???

I blame my subconscious, ebbing out the treats over-time; and shrouding me in ignorance…little tease!
Anyhoo…

You could blow me down with a small white feather, right about now. Just an initial enquiry into the number 33 (via google) provided shed-loads of information. Literally pages and pages of relevant jam packed websites, reams and reams of highly trippy shit! After I’d browsed some of it, and lifted my jaw off the floor, I typed in 7 or 8 other numbers (34, 41, 55 etc); to compare the data like a proper scientist. There is virtually no info; (3 or 4 entries), on the meaning of many (tried and tested) numbers; and; even 1 and 2 don’t come anywhere close by comparison. Infact, it seems 33 is the NUTS of all the numbers, ever ever! In terms of scope; scale; poignancy; importance; originality; and not forgetting…the essentials/existence of life itself.

I bloody knew it was extra wonderful…knew it

Even WIKI says 33 is ‘magic’, for all things ‘ere on earth and beyond; and we all know how reliable WIKI is 😉

 “A quote for starters” – Covering the meaning/significance of 33; across ALL OF THESE DISCIPLINES…Science/Numerology/History/Quantum Physics/Astrology/Biology/Nature/Religion/Spirituality)

Theeee Appetizer – “To try to lay it out in a clear way, I will break it down. 33 is the master number in numerology. Dive into pi, and learn about mathematics in nature. There are plenty of videos on Youtube to observe (I suggest “nature by numbers” as a good start). It’s a universal creative footprint. The Sun is roughly 333,000x the mass of earth, there are 33 phylia in the Animal Kingdom, Read the rest of this entry

‘Superstitious Waffle’ about The Wonder of 3’s

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Go 33

Ohhhhh sweet sweet 33!

[Invisible Logic + Betty x The Universe + (Strange Lady – time) + 33 = Joy!]

WARNING – Lengthy essay of utter bilge below

I don’t bloody believe it!

But I do!

Aside from the fact that my belief system has no logical or empirical basis, it makes a lot of sense.

The Seeds Were Sewn

All my life I’ve had an obsession with the number 3

The first thing I remember noticing about it was the shape; I still think it’s really quite pretty.

I was born on the 3rd of the month, which I’m sure affected my subconscious around this number; and then one of my all-time favourite childhood songs was released, and it re-enforced my obsession by noting all the wonderful things about ‘3’.

The song was… ‘3 is the magic number’, by De La Soul. If you listen to the lyrics of this gem, I think you will see that 3 is marvellous; not just for me, but for the entire world!

3-wheelers! Dogs with 3 legs! Tables with 3 legs… need I go on? Read the rest of this entry

Timing Timing Timing! Time too…

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The LONG EMERGENCY (Kunstler wrote the book in...

Timing is everything…

Yet in many ways, time is a fallacy, it is a man-made concept. Greenwich mean
time, morning, noon, night, today, tomorrow, next year. We made them all up!

Before clocks, wasn’t life just… ‘Being’?

And is it time that has made, just ‘being’ so hard?

Yet in all its literal nothingness, it is everything

As people, living through ‘time’

We change as sure as a ticking clock ticks

Even those people who have no insight into their insides

The people who form their opinions in their 20’s and never waver from them

The people who never pick up a book, and the people who never listen to anyone unless they agree with them,

Even these people + time (a man made concept) = change Read the rest of this entry

Oh Cameron…Did you really just say that?

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Of all the people to re-ignite my long-winded fire…

David Pooey Cameron

English: David Cameron, Prime Minister of the ...
Come again Cammy Boy? FAIR???

In reference to capping benefits at X amount of £’s, because there are people at home doing NOTHING (The lady being interviewed would be one of those affected by the new cap and the child benefit reforms, and she is mid way through doing the ‘nothingness’ it takes to rear 5 children; all the things she does to ensure their lives are safe! everyday). Defining this ‘life work’ as NOTHING is perhaps a more fundamental problem for ‘child benefit AND housing benefit’; than the problem of which family to rob first.

It seems Slavery (for parents this era) is back on the ‘forward thinking’ agenda!

Anyway…

He ‘toffed out’ his disgust that a person at home, should never ever be getting the equivalent of a £35k salary, after tax!

Which equates to around £28,000

Which is a lot of money!

(Like Parents, Surgeons are responsible for the safety of multiple humans every day, and I think they get a little more than 35k a year)

BUT…

Single people who are unemployed people do not get £28,000!

Single people get about £57 a week to live, and pay all bills bar rent.

NOTE the significance of rent in his plans… Read the rest of this entry

Never under-estimate the Joy that can be found in “Sickness”

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helping sarah

Image by kat st kat via Flickr

Writing this actually proper hurt my brain. I had to think so hard to get this bloody lot out! I can’t bear scrolling down it one more time, so here it comes…

The deeply embedded idea that both science and medicine provide us with solid facts about disease and the physical world, is BULL CRAP!

When push comes to shove, for every truth you buy into, someone else will have been busy dis-believing it and proving it too. Evidence has officially never been so useless…

Or sought after

;///

And we are told to believe experts! Well if they can’t make their bleeding minds up about what causes the a) and what thing solves the b) and where oh where c) really did come from. Why would we believe any of them?

Knowledge is learning everything about something; and knowing that nothing you’re learning is fact, more an insight into someone else’s surety around one ambiguous idea/topic. Read the rest of this entry

The Black Rock and The White Hard Place…BPD!

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White&black

Image via Wikipedia

More jolly i’m afraid; from current Mrs Jolly Pants (Moi)…

There is an illness out there called ‘Borderline Personality Disorder’ (borderline refers to being on the border of neurosis and psychosis) and the very route of addressing the problems that come with this disorder can only START; AFTER this universally shared trait of the illness is dealt with…

People with BPD; when they feel in danger… with no awareness whatsoever that they are doing it…automatically think the worst first; believe it as truth; and roll with the emotions that ‘the worst’ produces.

An example on a small teeny tiny scale is…I send a text to someone (who I fear may be placing my love for them in danger) and they don’t reply for three hours. My FIRST AUTOMATIC assumption for their silence is either, they hate me, they are dead, they are busy slagging me off, they read my text and thought ‘oh do one you dramatic wench, you irritate me’ etc etc

Now, when you go to therapy, they first tell you that although these assumptions are possible and sometimes correct in life, it is just as possible that they may have had no battery, they fell asleep, they read it when they looked at their phone and text you straight back…

Then you nod and think Bollox 😉 Read the rest of this entry